Status: Completed.
Merry ***ing Christmas
1.
I swung my legs back and forth from the tall wall barricading the sea, from the town. I can't remember a time when the sea wall hasn't been here. There is times when the waves are so bad that some of the water comes out onto the road, but Kirkcaldy's used to it by now.
The wind hit my right side, almost blowing me over the wall and into the sea a few meters below my feet. I shivered at the coldness of the gust that just hit me. Scotland's been battered by high winds, as high as 100 mph lately. Otherwise known as 'Hurricane Bawbag'. It's funny, but I doubt it was a proper hurricane. If it was we would have called it something more, reasonable than the slang word for balls.
Another gust almost threw me off of the wall. I gripped onto it and swung my legs back round. Last time someone sat on the wall, they ended up being engulfed by the waves, it was a small boy too. Sad world this is. I leaned against the wall and put my arm out to reach the waves. A few droplets of water flew up and hit my hand, sending an icy chill up my right arm.
Christmas isn't the same this year. Every single year we've had snow, or at least icy patches across the town so we could slip on our asses and laugh at everyone falling over in the high street. This year there was nothing, nothing but high winds and an empty feeling. Everyone was inside enjoying their Christmas. Not me. I opened a few cards, a few presents and then said I was going out to get some milk at 9 in the morning.
That was 2 hours ago.
I'm still sat here, all feeling in my hands have gone and I really wanted to be engulfed by winds or waves. Maybe even thrown over the wall, or stabbed. Knowing Kirkcaldy, there's stabbings, drug busts, break in's or stealing's every week.
You'd feel the same if your dad used to hurt you. If you had to be home schooled. If many members of your family have moved away, or have died from cancer or any other illnesses. If your mum was a heavy drug addict...
One thing was keeping me going.
One person actually.
The same person who fucked it all up for me in the first place.
The person who made my dad flip and throw me out of a moving car.
The guy I beat the shit out of, but he still cares for me.
The same person who stopped my dad from punching me in the face.
The one who stopped me from killing myself.
He was there for me.
Even if I never realized it at times, he's been there.
I sighed and slumped against the wall. "Merry Christmas alright." I mumbled angrily at the waves. A few people walked past me, unaware of who I was and why I was so miserable on Christmas day.
"Connor, what the fuck are you doing out here? Stuart's looking for you!" Someone shouted from across the road. I slowly turned round to see that one person running up to me. "I've just ran all the way here from fucking Kirkton." He frowned and looked at my hands. "You're freezing, one minute." He tapped his phone and looked down the street. "Hey, found him. Sea wall, across from Dunelm Mill. Yeah, okay." He closed the phone and frowned at me again.
"I'm sorry. I hate Christmas..." I really did, I hated Christmas. I was a fucking scrooge and no one changes that for me.
"I know. Look, here's your dad's car. Just, try and enjoy yourself for the rest of the day."
~*~*~*~*~
I was running around the house laughing my head off and being constantly hit by a drum stick by my elder brother David. He stopped when he realized it hurt me, and just left me lying there on the living room floor, with my dad playing the Xbox, and Jake standing above me. "Need help?" He chuckled and put his hand out. I grabbed it as he lifted me up and groaned. "Did David hit you too hard?"
I shrugged and rubbed my side. Truth was, yes and it's going to leave another bruise. I pushed past Jake and ran upstairs, down the hall and into my own room. I collapsed onto my bed and pulled my shirt off, displaying the bruises and cuts I've had from the past few months. I prodded a huge bruise on my stomach where my dad kicked me down the stairs. It still hurt and it will for weeks to come. "Can I help you?" I raised my eyebrow at Jake standing in my doorway.
"I hate seeing your... Marks."
"Well go away then." I grimaced and returned to prodding the bruise.
Jake mumbled, walked over to me and crawled up me. "You're not enjoying Christmas are you?" I rolled my eyes and shook my head. Of course I wasn't, why can't he see that by now? "Are you wanting your present from me?"
"I don't need any present. I've got tickets to see fucking Black Veil Brides... Nothing's going to make me feel better. Even that's not making me happy. I just wish I was back in that corner, and wished you hadn't walked in!" I screamed and pointed to the corner of my room. The same corner where I had got a hand-full of pills, and started taking them one by one. I had taken around 20 in the space of 5 minutes, and that's exactly when Jake walked in with my brother and took me to hospital.
He wasn't even meant to be in my house. I hated Jake at that time. But, after that I had tried to hang myself. Again, Jake stopped me. I wanted to be gone.
Jake broke my thoughts by kissing me. I was startled at first, but went along with it. His hands ran over my legs and up my side, and then tangled in my hair (which I spent straightening for a while). He smiled against my mouth and kissed my harshly, enough to make my lips swollen. His body started to move at small bits at a time, until he was grinding against me. I heard a cough from my door and Jake pulled away. "Dinner's ready." David laughed and closed the door behind him.
"PRICK!" I shouted and threw a pillow at the door. "Well, he's ruined it. What was that for anyway?"
Jake left a trail of kisses and bites from my belt line, up to my neck and then kissed my lips gently. "Did you like it before I say?"
"Yes." I groaned and smiled at the same time.
He leaned down to my ear and sighed into it. "Merry Christmas." He pulled himself back round and bit my bottom lip. Then kissed me quickly.
"Was this my present?"
"You bet."
"Is it an ongoing one or just this once?" I raised my eyebrow and waited on his reply.
"Ongoing."
I pulled him down so that we were cuddling. "Thanks, I have a feeling I'll be happier the rest of the day." I kissed his nose and lowered my voice. "I'm sorry for everything I've done to you. I-I-" I rubbed the back of my neck. "I- Love you." I managed to choke out the words as Jake's expression changed.
"I love you too. Now let's get some food!" He giggled and jumped off my bed.
~*~*~*~*~
I held Jake's hand over the table and threw some of the left over food at my drunk older brother. My dad remained quiet though. "Connor..." His voice was a little jumpy. "... I'm sorry. My mind's been fucked up lately over your mum leaving and everything. I'm wanting it to go back to the old times." My dad was crying and I think he means it.
"Dad, it's alright. You just said you're sorry. That's all I need to hear." I squeezed Jake's hand tighter and smiled. "Who wants a big game of C.O.D?" Everyone cheered and stood up from the table.
Something about this Christmas is better. The guy I like finally knows I love him. My dad's said sorry, and my brother's visiting a lot more. 2011's better than 2010 in a long shot.
The wind hit my right side, almost blowing me over the wall and into the sea a few meters below my feet. I shivered at the coldness of the gust that just hit me. Scotland's been battered by high winds, as high as 100 mph lately. Otherwise known as 'Hurricane Bawbag'. It's funny, but I doubt it was a proper hurricane. If it was we would have called it something more, reasonable than the slang word for balls.
Another gust almost threw me off of the wall. I gripped onto it and swung my legs back round. Last time someone sat on the wall, they ended up being engulfed by the waves, it was a small boy too. Sad world this is. I leaned against the wall and put my arm out to reach the waves. A few droplets of water flew up and hit my hand, sending an icy chill up my right arm.
Christmas isn't the same this year. Every single year we've had snow, or at least icy patches across the town so we could slip on our asses and laugh at everyone falling over in the high street. This year there was nothing, nothing but high winds and an empty feeling. Everyone was inside enjoying their Christmas. Not me. I opened a few cards, a few presents and then said I was going out to get some milk at 9 in the morning.
That was 2 hours ago.
I'm still sat here, all feeling in my hands have gone and I really wanted to be engulfed by winds or waves. Maybe even thrown over the wall, or stabbed. Knowing Kirkcaldy, there's stabbings, drug busts, break in's or stealing's every week.
You'd feel the same if your dad used to hurt you. If you had to be home schooled. If many members of your family have moved away, or have died from cancer or any other illnesses. If your mum was a heavy drug addict...
One thing was keeping me going.
One person actually.
The same person who fucked it all up for me in the first place.
The person who made my dad flip and throw me out of a moving car.
The guy I beat the shit out of, but he still cares for me.
The same person who stopped my dad from punching me in the face.
The one who stopped me from killing myself.
He was there for me.
Even if I never realized it at times, he's been there.
I sighed and slumped against the wall. "Merry Christmas alright." I mumbled angrily at the waves. A few people walked past me, unaware of who I was and why I was so miserable on Christmas day.
"Connor, what the fuck are you doing out here? Stuart's looking for you!" Someone shouted from across the road. I slowly turned round to see that one person running up to me. "I've just ran all the way here from fucking Kirkton." He frowned and looked at my hands. "You're freezing, one minute." He tapped his phone and looked down the street. "Hey, found him. Sea wall, across from Dunelm Mill. Yeah, okay." He closed the phone and frowned at me again.
"I'm sorry. I hate Christmas..." I really did, I hated Christmas. I was a fucking scrooge and no one changes that for me.
"I know. Look, here's your dad's car. Just, try and enjoy yourself for the rest of the day."
~*~*~*~*~
I was running around the house laughing my head off and being constantly hit by a drum stick by my elder brother David. He stopped when he realized it hurt me, and just left me lying there on the living room floor, with my dad playing the Xbox, and Jake standing above me. "Need help?" He chuckled and put his hand out. I grabbed it as he lifted me up and groaned. "Did David hit you too hard?"
I shrugged and rubbed my side. Truth was, yes and it's going to leave another bruise. I pushed past Jake and ran upstairs, down the hall and into my own room. I collapsed onto my bed and pulled my shirt off, displaying the bruises and cuts I've had from the past few months. I prodded a huge bruise on my stomach where my dad kicked me down the stairs. It still hurt and it will for weeks to come. "Can I help you?" I raised my eyebrow at Jake standing in my doorway.
"I hate seeing your... Marks."
"Well go away then." I grimaced and returned to prodding the bruise.
Jake mumbled, walked over to me and crawled up me. "You're not enjoying Christmas are you?" I rolled my eyes and shook my head. Of course I wasn't, why can't he see that by now? "Are you wanting your present from me?"
"I don't need any present. I've got tickets to see fucking Black Veil Brides... Nothing's going to make me feel better. Even that's not making me happy. I just wish I was back in that corner, and wished you hadn't walked in!" I screamed and pointed to the corner of my room. The same corner where I had got a hand-full of pills, and started taking them one by one. I had taken around 20 in the space of 5 minutes, and that's exactly when Jake walked in with my brother and took me to hospital.
He wasn't even meant to be in my house. I hated Jake at that time. But, after that I had tried to hang myself. Again, Jake stopped me. I wanted to be gone.
Jake broke my thoughts by kissing me. I was startled at first, but went along with it. His hands ran over my legs and up my side, and then tangled in my hair (which I spent straightening for a while). He smiled against my mouth and kissed my harshly, enough to make my lips swollen. His body started to move at small bits at a time, until he was grinding against me. I heard a cough from my door and Jake pulled away. "Dinner's ready." David laughed and closed the door behind him.
"PRICK!" I shouted and threw a pillow at the door. "Well, he's ruined it. What was that for anyway?"
Jake left a trail of kisses and bites from my belt line, up to my neck and then kissed my lips gently. "Did you like it before I say?"
"Yes." I groaned and smiled at the same time.
He leaned down to my ear and sighed into it. "Merry Christmas." He pulled himself back round and bit my bottom lip. Then kissed me quickly.
"Was this my present?"
"You bet."
"Is it an ongoing one or just this once?" I raised my eyebrow and waited on his reply.
"Ongoing."
I pulled him down so that we were cuddling. "Thanks, I have a feeling I'll be happier the rest of the day." I kissed his nose and lowered my voice. "I'm sorry for everything I've done to you. I-I-" I rubbed the back of my neck. "I- Love you." I managed to choke out the words as Jake's expression changed.
"I love you too. Now let's get some food!" He giggled and jumped off my bed.
~*~*~*~*~
I held Jake's hand over the table and threw some of the left over food at my drunk older brother. My dad remained quiet though. "Connor..." His voice was a little jumpy. "... I'm sorry. My mind's been fucked up lately over your mum leaving and everything. I'm wanting it to go back to the old times." My dad was crying and I think he means it.
"Dad, it's alright. You just said you're sorry. That's all I need to hear." I squeezed Jake's hand tighter and smiled. "Who wants a big game of C.O.D?" Everyone cheered and stood up from the table.
Something about this Christmas is better. The guy I like finally knows I love him. My dad's said sorry, and my brother's visiting a lot more. 2011's better than 2010 in a long shot.