Starry Eyed

“You look ravishing,” Kara purred.

“Yeah I do, huh?” I said and admired myself. I was wearing a purple, glittery, mini-dress and sky high tan heels. Mariana had done my hair and makeup and if I say so myself I looked better than I ever have since senior prom.

“I can’t believe you’re doing this,” Mariana said.

Kara and Mariana both thought that it was the real Shaun White now. They said that Daniel would never take it this far and could probably never get a reservation where I was going. They also said he wasn’t this mean. I wasn’t so easily convinced though. I was still waiting for him to come in any second and tell me the jig is up and confess. Another part of me was anxiously waiting for when I went to the restaurant, inside the massive resort we had passed on the way here, and saw him sitting at a table. Daniel had left half an hour ago to “pick up groceries” but insisted Jason stay here. My cab was supposed to be here any minute.

“You still think it’s Daniel?” Kara asked.

I laughed and nodded while I put on one last coat of lip gloss.

“Well even if it is him you two are gonna have a good night cause you look hot.”

“I’m not gonna sleep with Daniel,” I said.

I would be lying if I said that thought hadn’t crossed my mind though. I think the farthest I would go with him was first base. I needed someone to kiss at midnight and if he was going to go through the trouble of showing up at the restaurant I might as well. If he paid and we actually hit it off- well that was impossible so there was no point in thinking what would happen then... Probably second base.

“Well if it’s Shuan White would you sleep with him?” Kara asked.

“If the real Shaun White is waiting for me I would take my panties off before I sat down.”

Kara made a move to look up my dress and I slapped her away. “Gross.” Then I grabbed my clutch and we all went to the door. Jason was in the kitchen and when he saw me he hugged me.

“You are going to have the best New Year ever!”

“Not if you’re best friend is the one at the restaurant,” I said.

“Daniel went to the store,” Jason said sincerely. He was so naïve.

“I doubt it,” I said.

“Whatever,” he rolled his eyes, “Have a nice dinner.”

“See you later,” I said and winked as my cab honked and I went outside.

It would be an understatement to say that I was nervous. Any of the three ways I envisioned the restaurant scene would be disastrous. Except if the real Shaun White actually showed up. I guess that would be okay. I checked my makeup at least three times in the car. I was starting to sweat even though it was like forty degrees out. When we got to the resort I told the cab driver what restaurant I was going to and he dropped me off in front of it. I crossed my fingers behind my back as I walked in. A well-dressed hostess greeted me as soon as I came in and asked if I wanted a table for one.

“I’m meeting someone,” I said and looked past her curiously. I searched the room for Daniel’s mop of blond hair but I couldn’t find him. Maybe he was going to stand me up.

“Jennifer, over here!” someone called and I whipped to the right.

I couldn’t believe my eyes. Shaun White was standing at a table for two and waving at me. The real Shaun White who snowboards and has crazy red hair. He was waiting for me in a fancy restaurant on New Years Eve and Daniel was not. My heart dropped a little and I considered walking away.

“I got a table right here,” Shaun White said and beckoned me to it.

Slowly I walked over. I must have been suffering from shock at actually seeing him or something, because I was not excited to have a date with Shaun White. Maybe I was thirsty. If I got a few drinks in me I’d probably be more reasonable.

“Hi,” I said cautiously and sat down across from him.

“It’s great to see you again,” Shaun smiled.

“Yeah you too.”

I knew I wasn’t suffering from shock now. Shaun was being amazing and telling me about what he had planned for tonight. Any girl would be lucky to have dinner and then go dancing with Shaun White. But I didn’t want to have dinner with him. I would never have sexted him if I knew it was actually him. I probably wouldn’t have shown up to tonight if I knew it was actually him. Then I realized something awful. I had been hoping that Daniel would be the one waiting for me.

I had been putting it off all day; that creepy feeling in my tummy that made me wonder if Daniel was going to confess his feelings for me tonight. I couldn’t believe myself. I was wasting a perfectly wonderful dinner thinking about a man- no, an immature boy- that possibly hated me. There was a possibility that he secretly really liked me though. And I barely knew Shaun. Hell, I didn’t even know how old the man was. What if he just looked deceptively young? That’s why, twenty minutes into dinner before the food came, I did something I never thought I would.

“Shaun, I don’t think I can do this.”

“If you don’t like dancing we don’t have to go. There’s a lot of low-key places here.”

“No, it’s not that. I don’t think I can go out with you.”

“Why not?”

“I was wrong to text you. Especially some of the things I said. And emoticon-ed.”

He smiled cheekily and waited.

“I have to confess something. I didn’t think you were the one texting me.”

“What?”

“See, I have this friend that I don’t get along with. We hate each other. And I thought he was messing with me by pretending to be you because you would never actually text me and then I tried to mess with him back and I thought he was going to be here tonight instead of you.”

“So you’re disappointed I’m here?”

“Oh my God, no, not at all! This is like a dream come true. You’re freaking Shaun White! My friends would slap me if they knew I was saying this.”

“But not the one you hate?”

“Well I don’t know. I don’t know if we hate each other.”

“It sounds to me like if the guy pulls pranks on you, it’s because he likes you.”

“You know, that’s what I thought, but he wasn’t pranking me. It was you.”

He smiled knowingly. “So I guess you want to leave now so you can catch him before midnight.”

“No, there’s no rush. We’ll be here for a couple days.”

“No, come on! It’s New Years Eve, one of the most romantic nights of the year. You have to tell him tonight.”

“Wait, tell him what?”

“Come on, you can’t go out with me because you thought he would be here?”

And then it hit me. Not only did I want Daniel to be the one sitting across from me right now, I wanted him there because I liked him. I didn’t hate him. It made sense. I got mad whenever he hit on girls, and we did have that night last May, and I always kind of looked forward to when we hung out even though it was to insult him. I was going to tell Shaun White how nice and wise he was but then someone came into the restaurant screaming.

“Jennifer!”

“Oh my God it’s him!” I told Shaun and pointed at Daniel as he came running to our table.

“Really? He looks like a douchebag.”

“He is,” I said and stood up when Daniel got to us. “What are you doing here?”

“Um, I need to tell you something,” he said, panting a little. He looked kind of sweaty like he had been running for a while.

“What, is someone hurt?”

“No, it’s not like that.”

After a prompting look from Shaun I cleared my throat, “I have something to tell you too.”

“You go first,” he said, still breathless.

“Well I don’t want to do it here. Let’s go somewhere else.”

“You’re just gonna leave him?”

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry Shaun!” I said, reminded again of his presence, and went to his side of the table. “I just want you to know you are such a gentleman and the nicest guy I have ever been on a date with. Here, let’s just take a picture.” We took an awkward (on his part) picture and I hugged him before walking away. Daniel followed me past the hostess and then turned around.

“Hold on,” Daniel said and went up to Shaun White and shook his hand. “I’m a big fan, man. Big fan.”

As Daniel and I walked out in silence I swear I heard Shaun flirting with the hostess, but I couldn’t be sure because I could barely hear my own breath over my heartbeat. I couldn’t quite read Daniel’s expression. I was hoping he had interrupted my date because he too realized he liked me, but I wasn’t sure. He was very surprising. Up until twenty minutes ago I was convinced he was imitating Shaun White to mess with me but he hadn’t. But there must be a good reason he stormed into the restaurant like that. I just hoped it wasn’t so he could tell me I looked stupid.

We got into the car, still quiet, and I looked around uncomfortably. He actually had gone to the grocery store; there were bags in the back seat. I was going to ask him what he bought just to end what seemed like the longest awkward silence ever but he beat me to it.

“Ok, what do you have to tell me?”

“Uh,” I looked at my shoes; I hadn’t been prepared for his question. I didn’t want to go first in case he didn’t feel the same way. “How bout you go first. You were the one that interrupted my date.”

“No, what I have to say depends on what you have to say.”

I narrowed my eyes. Why was he being a baby? “Well what I have to say depends on what you do.”

“Now you’re just being difficult.”

“I’m not the one being difficult! You are the one who had to tell me something so important that it couldn’t wait until after my date with Shaun.”

“Would you stop yelling?”

“I’m not yelling, you are!”

“You’re being a crazy person! I was just doing Shaun White a favor. I was saving him from an entire night with you!”

“Well, if you feel that way maybe you can just drive me back because Shaun actually appreciated my company,” I said softly. This was not going at all like I wanted. Maybe he didn’t actually like me. Kara was fucking crazy, I should have known better than to believe her theory.

“I’m not driving you back,” he said after a long sigh.

I took a deep breath. Just ten more minutes until we got to the cabin and then I could ignore him for the rest of my life. “Now you are the one being difficult. Please be quiet for the rest of the drive. I do not wish to speak with you.”

“You do not wish to speak with me?”

“I do not wish to speak with you,” I repeated, trying to stay calm.

“You had something important you wanted to say to me too if I remember right.”

“It wasn’t important.”

“Oh no? What was it? If you don’t mind me asking?” he asked, mocking my composed tone.

“I just want to tell you that I thought that you should know that I thought that you…” I trailed off. I didn’t know where I was going with this.

“You thought I should just so I know you,” he stuttered sarcastically, “What?!”

“I think you’re the most annoying person on the planet!”

“That’s what you wanted to tell me?” he asked, his mood changing almost instantly.

“Yeah,” I said quietly, confused. He must be bipolar. There was no other explanation for his behavior.

After a couple minutes of silence that felt like an eternity, when I could see the cabin in the distance, I asked him what he was going to tell me. I probably wouldn’t have another chance because once we got inside he would just make fun of me, and everyone else, like always. It took him a while to respond.

“Well I said that what I had to say depended on what you did,” he said slowly.

“Yeah, so based on what I said what do you have to say?”

“I think you’re a fucking lunatic,” he said without looking at me and pulled into the driveway. “That’s what I have to say.”

“What if I had said something different?” I asked hesitantly and he finally met my eyes.

“Like what?” he asked softly.

I looked down and felt myself begin to blush. “I don’t know.” I could feel his eyes probing me. I didn’t want to be the one to say it first. So I sucked in another deep breath. “I probably would never have said something different.”

“You are something else,” he said angrily and slammed the door on his way out. “You are the most confusing girl I have ever met!”

“I’m confusing? You’re the fucking bipolar one! One minute you’re angry and yelling and the next you’re like an abused puppy!”

“Well it’s all based on your craziness! You’re the one that can’t make up her mind!” he shouted and got the grocery bags out of the back as I got out of the car and slammed my door.

“What can’t I make up my mind about? The fact that I hate you? Because it’s decided; I hate you!”

“That’s exactly what! Last May-”

“That was one night! One night of drunken weakness! The rest of the time I hate you and you know it!” I screamed as I followed him into the house.

“You can’t hate me all the time! We see each other every day!”

“That’s too often for my taste!”

“Well then why don’t you fucking leave?”

“Because everyone else is my friend!” I bellowed
.
Someone coughed from behind me. I hadn’t realized it until now but we had an audience in the living room. Jason and Kara looked like deer in headlights. They looked between themselves and then at me and Daniel and then at the hallway.

“What’s that?” Jason yelled to the hall unconvincingly, “Coming Mari.”

Kara looked around her uncomfortably, then slinked away, “I have to go take a dump.”

Then I turned to Daniel with a vengeance. “I have had to put up with your crap for too long!”

“So what do you suggest we do?” he seethed.

“I don’t know! But if I am going to be around you any longer you need to stop being an asshole!”

“When am I an asshole to you?”

“All the fucking time!”

“Ok, I’ll admit I’m not always the nicest person but I think I’m funny,” he said, no longer shouting.

I wasn’t so quick to calm down. “You’re not! You drive me crazy! Every time I see you it’s ‘Jenny, don’t be such a slut, Jenny, don’t smoke that, Jenny don’t lose your temper, Jenny, I’m going to pretend to be British now, Jenny, Jenny, Jenny.’ It needs to stop! It’s not funny! I hate it! You never leave me alone!” I was about to cry and he could see it.

He cleared his throat. “If that’s really what you want I’ll leave you alone.”

“Please!” I cried.

He was about to say something else. His expression had changed. I didn’t know what he was going to do. Then Mariana came out with a snow shoe.

“Is everything ok?” she asked, wielding it like a bat.

I looked at Daniel and when he didn’t say anything I ran to my room. This was the worst New Years ever. Mariana and Kara joined me on the bed, face down, a minute later. They asked me what happened, but I didn’t want to talk. I just wanted this night to be over. I wanted to go back to school and then never talk to Daniel again. Maybe he would get the hint and stop hanging out with us. That would make this a lot easier. If I had to see him again when we got home I don’t know what would happen. I must have been wrong when I thought I liked him. How could I? Shaun White must practice voodoo or something and tricked me into thinking I liked Daniel, but I really didn’t. I couldn’t. I knew I hated him.

“Baby, we were planning on going to a bar and watching the ball drop there,” Kara said softly after a couple minutes of silence.

“I’ll stay here,” I said. I was not about to go anywhere with Daniel.

Fifteen minutes later though I ended up in the backseat next to Mariana and the window on the opposite end of the car from him. I don’t know how they talked me into this. As part of my New Years Resolution I was going to take assertion classes. My friends convinced me to do things too easily.

When we got to the bar I found myself a corner and a drink and planned on ignoring everyone for the rest of the night. Daniel immediately started talking to a girl. What a slut. I was way prettier than her. But that wouldn’t matter to him because I for sure did not like him. I was almost certain. Maybe if he had said he liked me earlier I could have learned to like him too, but now that ship had sailed. I was over him.

By eleven forty-five I was more than adequately buzzed. Add in my current state of emotional unrest and I was ready to say anything. That why when Daniel came and sat next to me I said this: “Don’t think you can make up with me with just enough time to kiss me at midnight.”

“Now why would I want to kiss you?” he asked, cool as a cucumber like he always was. He was driving me crazy.

I ignored him. “Does your little girlfriend know about our past?”

“What past?”

“That night last May? It seems to mean an awful lot to you.”

“It does mean a lot to me.”

“Why?” I asked.

“Because it’s the only time we weren’t fighting and in the same room.”

“You know, you start all our fights.”

“Yeah I know. I don’t mean to. Well, I do.”

“Why aren’t we fighting now?”

“Because I came over here to make peace with you.”

“Ok go.”

“I don’t want to fight anymore. I want to be able to be friends with you even if we will never be good friends.”

“We could be good friends if you stopped being an ass.”

“That’s unlikely to happen.”

“Why?”

“Do you want to know the truth?”

“Duh!” I said and leaned in closer to hear him better. He leaned back nervously and then I followed suit. “Tell me!”

“Are you drunk?”

“No, just buzzed.”

“So you’re going to remember all of this tomorrow?”

“Unless I get drunker I will.”

He looked confused and then like he was thinking for a second.

“I promise you I will remember this tomorrow even though my filter is down currently,” I said and held out my pinky.

He took my pinky in his own and we shook on it. “Now tell me!”

“Ok, here goes. I did come over here to make up with you before midnight.”

I was silent. When it was clear he wasn’t going to say anything else I cleared my throat and thought for a minute. Was he saying what I thought he was? No, impossible. This day had been a rollercoaster already, I couldn’t be wrong about our feelings again. “You want to kiss me at midnight to seal the truce? To stop the fighting?”

“Well yes, but also just because I want to kiss you.”

“Because you’re a perv?”

“No. I think, well, I just I want to, no, I am…” he trailed off.

“You think, you just- what?” I asked, mocking him like he had done to me earlier.

He smiled, knowing what I was doing. “When you said in the car that you might have said something different, I was hoping you would have said something along the lines of... I like you. Or I have a tiny crush on you.”

“So you wanted me to confess my feelings for you?” I asked, dumbstruck again. I kind of hoped I was way drunker than I realized and I was just imagining this. Things would be so much easier if he wasn’t telling me this and we could just go back to how we were before. But then my heart also sped up as soon as he started talking. Something inside me told me to take this shot. Who would it hurt if we tried to be more than friends for a while? We never had a good friendship so there wouldn’t be anything to ruin.

“Yes. I didn’t want to be the one to say it first.”

“Oh my God,” I said and laid my head down on the table. I felt so conflicted.

“What?” he asked apprehensively.

“In the car I wanted you to say it first! But then after we fought I wanted nothing to do with you! You really do drive me crazy, you know.”

“But there was at least a minute when you liked me too?” he asked.

I sprang up and then nodded. He didn’t say anything for too long and I wondered if he was wondering about the same thing I was- if trying this out was even worth it? Then, “Would you mind if I kissed you at midnight?”

I looked at the clock and though it was a little blurry I was pretty sure there was at least five minutes before midnight. “You can kiss me now if you like.”

He looked into my eyes questioningly and I just smiled. We both knew that if this went well we would have to go out on a date and then our whole un-friendship would never be the same. He slowly brushed my hair behind my ear. My heart was beating a thousand times faster than usual. He was taking his time though. He was driving me crazy; I wanted him to just kiss me already. He had his hand on the back of my neck and was slowly leaning in. Then his lips finally met mine. I was so nervous at first I swear I forgot how to kiss, but then, slowly, fervently, I was reminded.

Even though both times we kissed I was under the influence I was pretty sure he was the best kisser I had ever kissed, if that makes sense. We kissed until midnight and after midnight and then I sat in his lap until it was time to go home. We sat next to each other in the backseat on the way home. I didn’t know if anyone had seen us kissing but if they did they didn’t say anything. He squeezed my knee in the car and bolt of electricity shot through me. This was going to be fun.

He didn’t make a big deal out of it the next day. We stole kisses when our friends weren’t looking though. We teased each other at dinner, but it was more flirtatious than fighting. Nobody asked me what was going on between us until two days later on the plane. We hadn’t talked about keeping it (whatever it was) a secret or anything, but he knew I wasn’t one for PDA.

Still, he had asked me as he leaned back to my row. “Do you know who I saw in first class?”

“Who?” I perked up.

“Matt Damon.”

“Oh my God, for reals?”

“Yeah.”

“I have to go say hi!”

He chuckled darkly. I could feel Kara and Mariana’s deep staring but I didn’t care. I was happy.

“Wait, really? Don’t lie to me. Cause if he is there I would just let him know what a big fan I am, not give him my number.”

“Good,” he said and leaned in closer.

I didn’t lean in too like I knew he wanted me to, “No but for reals is he there?”

“He’s not.”

I sighed dramatically. Daniel just smiled and pulled me in by my collar for a kiss.