Bulletproof Heart

It’s been a month since the tour started and you’d think Pru and I had known the guys since we were little.
We just…click I guess. Mikey and I quickly discovered we both bleed coffee and can eat our own body weight in sushi, so now we’re sushi/coffee buddies.
I’m hanging with one brother and my mind is on the other one.
Yeah, I’m that pathetic. I have a crush on Gerard.That drunken make out session aside, he’s just an amazing person. I would kill to see what goes on in that mind of his. Certainly not anything normal. I’m just torturing myself thinking about this. I’m probably the worst person to date right now.
“Vivi?” Mikey is the only person who actually knocks. Even Ray just busts in. Of course, after I woke the whole bus up screaming because Gee came in without knocking while I was changing I think they learned to knock.
“We’re decent, come on in.” Pru said for me. I was still face down in my pillow.
“Come on Vi, we’re gonna stop soon.” Mikey prodded my back.
“Merghh.” Was my response.
“There’s gonna be coffee.” He wheedled.
Not happening. I need sleep. I put the pillow over my head and burrowed deeper into the blankets.
“She’s stubborn when she wants to sleep.” Pru was probably shrugging, knowing her.
“Vivi, in two seconds I’m gonna get Gerard to come and carry you out.” That got me up and moving, since I was wearing short shorts and a cami and we were currently somewhere in Michigan. I kicked Mikey out, got dressed in a pair of jeans and a hoodie and half walked, half stumbled out of the bus.
I was tired as hell and in no mood for conversation. I think I might have growled at Ray when he said good morning.
Mikey, sensing my irritation, handed me a cup of coffee and backed up slowly.
“Do I really look that scary?” I asked.
“You walk like your gonna kick someone’s ass.” He chuckled.
“Seriously?”
“You walk like your best friend just told you she had sex with your boyfriend.” I couldn’t help but laugh, even when a little part inside of me flinched.
“That’s comforting Mikey.” I drained my coffee.
“Aren’t you gonna eat?” He asked when I got up.
“Nah. I live off coffee and cigarettes.” I held up the pack I’d stuck in my hoodie before heading out into the frigid morning air.
I felt my nose go numb in the time it took for me to dig for my lighter.
“Fucking Michigan.” I muttered around the cigarette.
“What do you have against Michigan?” I nearly jumped when Gerard popped up next to me.
“I’m fucking cold.” I exhaled a long plume of smoke. Gee’s leather clad arm wrapped around my shoulders and pulled me close against him.
“Better?”
I think I just stopped breathing.
“Yeah.” I managed to get out. He was warm and he was blocking the wind a little. He stole a drag off my cigarette and watched as I put it back between my lips.
The whole interaction felt oddly intimate, even though we were just standing and smoking.
And I kept telling myself that right up until he kissed me.
This was way different from our first kiss. This was gentle, simple.
He pulled away and I did the worst thing possible, aside from maybe kneeing him in the balls.
I bolted.
Ran right back to the bus and straight to the back room where Pru was still lying on the bed typing.
I slammed the door and leaned against it, getting my breath back.
“What the hell happened?” She asked, sitting up.
“Gee kissed me.” I sank down to the floor, my back still holding the door shut in case someone tried to get in.
“And you ran?” She asked incredulously. “I thought you would have jumped for joy.”
“I’m not someone he should get involved with. Not with Trent still running around.”
I was on the run. A fugitive of a stalker.
I dated a guy named Trent for a little under a year. I thought he was a good guy, right until he started to get possessive, scary possessive, and one day he pretty much threw me across the room at work.
We called the cops but he made bail. I thought it would be over once I got a restraining order, but he didn’t leave me alone. I found pictures of me walking around the city, pictures I didn’t know how he could have taken. Pru and I had to move apartments because of him.
So I was running from him, figuring six months of a different city every night would deter him. I didn’t think anything would come of this trip. I figured I’d just be here for Pru and then we’d go home.
“You can’t run forever.” Pru said softly.
“I’ll run as far as I can and deal with it when I can’t run anymore.”
She sighed. "He's still controlling you. You're too strong for this. Gee is one in a million, you're gonna hate yourself for not even trying."
"It's bad enough I put you in danger. I don't need to make everyone else a target." Pru was one of the few people Trent would be able to use against me.
"You know damn well that psycho will make him a target whether or not you're with him. He's crazy, he doesn't think like us." She hugged me tightly. "You deserve to be happy."
“I just can't handle it right now Pru. I’m here to help you, not be in a relationship."
"Then come clean with Gee. He deserves to know the truth."
"I can't. I just can't." I buried my face in her shoulder.
She sighed again. "Fine but you're gonna regret this Vi."
"I regret half my life Pru. One more isn’t gonna kill me."
She looked so sad as she shook her head. "One day that isn't going to be true."
"I'll deal with it when that day comes" I lit another cigarette, since I never finished the one outside.
“I love you, but I’m not sure about that."
I took a nap while she finished the article she was writing for the road blog.
Well, I pretended to nap. I couldn’t stop touching my lips, feeling where he’d kissed me.
I didn’t come out until we got to the venue. Even then, I didn’t get near to Gee if I could help it.
I finally let myself watch him while I was recording the show. He gets this glow around him when he’s onstage.
My heart hurt looking at him. I knew he had a thing for me. If I told him I felt the same way, I would be putting him in danger. If I avoided him for the next five months of the tour, I’d be hurting him and making the bus awkward.
Either way, I’m fucked.
I got up in the middle of the night to smoke another cigarette out a window. I hadn’t bothered to put on sweatpants so I was wearing shorts and a cami again.
“You’re trying to kill Gerard aren’t you?” A voice said behind me.
“Holy fuck Frank! You nearly gave me a heart attack.” I clutched my chest with one hand.
“Sorry. Came to smoke my own cancer sticks.” He lit up his own and for a long moment we were silent, just smoking. “You are killing him though.”
“Last time I checked he couldn’t see me.” I remarked before I really thought about it.
“You know what I mean Vivi.” His playful tone dropped. “Gee really likes you and when you bolted it really hurt him.”
“He told you?” I groaned.
“Actually, we all saw it.” I groaned even louder. “Dude, stop doing that. Someone’s gonna think we’re having sex.”
“Oh that’s all I need.” I muttered. “Sex with a married man.”
“Separated.” He said softly. I turned to look at him.
“Should I say I’m sorry? Or should I skip right to where I give you a hug?”
“The hug would be nice.” So I gave him a hug.
“I’m taller than you. That’s sad.”
“I’m average height, thank you.” You could tell people had teased him about his height before. “Now back to the reason I got up. Why don’t you just tell Gee you like him back and put the poor guy out of his misery?”
“Things are complicated for me right now Frank.” I studied my toes as if they were the most interesting thing ever.
“Then tell him that and break his heart already.”
“That’s not the problem.”
“Then what is?”
“I…can’t tell you.” I sighed.
“Vivi, just tell Gerard how you feel. Things will work out.” He squeezed my shoulder and went back to bed.
I didn’t sleep the rest of the night.
I felt like crap again the next morning, so I grabbed the first t-shirt I found and a pair of jeans I hoped were clean.
“Nice shirt.” Frank laughed, pointing at my chest. Turns out the one I’d grabbed was my Demolition Lovers t-shirt.
I was on my way to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee when Mikey and Ray cornered me.
“Are you gonna tell Gee or not?” Mikey crossed his arms over his chest.
“For fuck’s sake, let me get some coffee first.” I groaned.
“You really hurt him when you ran off like that.” Ray said.
“ARGH!” I yelled, slamming down my cup of coffee. “Gerard, get your ass out here!”
“What’d I do?” He poked his head out of his bunk, looking groggy. I grabbed him by the front of his shirt and laid one hell of a kiss on him.
“There. I fucking admit it, I like you. Now will you fuckers leave me alone?!” Gerard still looked dazed, Mikey and Frank were clapping and Ray and Pru were whistling.
I calmly went back to my coffee, my outburst over.
It wasn’t until two arms wrapped around my waist that I realized Gee had followed me into the kitchen.
“Why did you run from me yesterday?” His breath was warm on my neck.
“Because I’m not someone you should get involved with Gee. It’s just going to end badly for the both of us.”
“Don’t be such a pessimist. Isn’t it better to enjoy our time together instead of waiting for something awful to happen?”
I couldn’t deny that logic. I turned in his arms and rested my hands on his shoulders. His candy apple red hair tickled my cheek when he rested his forehead against mine.
I saw a bright flash but didn’t move.
“I think they just took a picture of us.” I said softly.
“On three?” He whispered back.
“One, two, three.” We broke apart and sprinted towards Frank, who was laughing hysterically until he saw us heading his way.
“Oh you better run shorty!” I yelled after him. He hid behind Pru, who was laughing as well.
“You wouldn’t hit Pru would you?” Frank poked his head over Pru’s shoulder. I was about to make a smart remark but Gee pulled me back against him, kissing the top of my head.
“Ten bucks says she’s the newest Way family member.” Mikey stage-whispered to Ray.
I don’t know about that.
But I’m certainly gonna enjoy being with Gee until I have to leave him.