Two Lives As One

I laughed. “I can dance to this music.”

“Oh yeah?” Lance asked, his eyebrows waggling. “Let’s see, then.”

I was sitting in passenger seat and the song that just came on his high def radio was Lollipop by Lil Wayne. Not my usual music, but I had a weak spot at times when it came to rap. I liked to think that even though I was a white girl from Minnesota, I could still get down in the clubs. Though, the truth was I might’ve only been to a club once – in the Twin Cities. Not in New York City. I tried to get my Beyoncé frame of mind on, and I started to roll my hips around, and popping my chest the way I’d seen her do in her videos. I felt a scarlet blush creep up on my neck from embarrassment since I didn’t hear him say anything. I peeked over and that was it.

“Stop looking at me like that.” I giggled.

“What?!” He asked, an amused expression on his face.

“Ugh, see! That! I was trying to get into my moves, but you—”

“Me, me. What did I do, now?” He questioned, grinning at me.

I crossed my arms, and leaned back in my chair, chagrin clear on my face. “I’d like to see you dance to that song.” I raised my eyebrows.

He grinned – his low, baritone chuckle giving me chills. The good kind of chills. “We can go clubbin’ after pizza, what about that?”

Surprise shown on my face. “You’re kidding.”

“I’m serious,” he looked at me, his expression solemn.

“Really?” I smiled. Here was my shot at another new experience. I felt exhilarated.

“Yeah, babe.” He winked. “We can.”

I bit my bottom lip. “I’ve only been to one before.”

“One what?” He asked as he made a sharp turn.

I hung on to the handle. “One club. In Minneapolis with my friends from high school. It was kind of a train wreck.” I wanted to make sure he wasn’t expecting much.

He smiled wide. “Minneapolis, huh? What was it like there?”

I laughed freely. “Oh god, I was completely over my head. I’m pretty sure I did more watching than dancing. There were so many good dancers there. But I worked up the courage to go out with my friend Dana. She introduced me to one of the guys there, and—” Realizing what I was doing, I trailed off, cursing myself for bringing that up.

“And?” Lance questioned, raising one eyebrow.

“He just, y’know, showed me some moves.” I purposely went vague at this point.

But, like Lance, he caught on right away. “What moves? He hit on you, didn’t he?” He skewered me with his eyes.

“He was playful, and I knew what he was up to, trust me.” I shook my head, warding off his concerns. “At the end of the night, I did pretty well.” I smiled.

Thankfully, he let it go. “Well, by the end of tonight, I’ll be showin’ you moves of my own.” He dazzled me with a wide grin as we turned into Angelo’s Pizzeria.

“I’ll be looking forward to it,” I said, shooting him a playful grin of my own.

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I was stuffed. He ordered a white pie – which I had no clue what it was until I tasted it – and two other pies that he told me were his favorites. I knew before I came to New York that they called pizzas, “pies” but I still felt giddy when I heard him order. I reveled in the knowledge that he was my boyfriend at that moment – my big time, bravado-filled New York boyfriend. If only my friends from high school could see me now.

I finished my last bite, and pushed my plate to the middle of the table. “Oh, God. That’ll feed me for about a week.”

He grinned, picking up two more pieces. I had no clue how he could eat that much food. He had taken off nearly a half a pie in one single bite. I shook my head. “How can you stay so trim when you eat like that?” I smiled.

He winked. “I go to the gym almost every day, babe.”

“Ah.” I nodded in affirmation. I thought back to the days when I still lived with my brother Devin. He was a hog, too. I’d make a whole pot of macaroni and cheese and when I’d go back for seconds some nights and there wouldn’t be anything left. I sighed in contempt. Thinking about my family always put me in a somber mood.

Reading my change of tone, he peered up at me. “What is it?”

I shrugged. “Just thinking about my family. My brother Devin used to eat like you do,” I gave him a small smile.

His expression was contemplative. He put the rest of his pie back down on the plate. He scratched his dark shadow of a beard, and gazed at me. “You miss them a lot.” It wasn’t a question – more rather a statement.

I sighed, shrugging some more. “You get used to it. I haven’t seen them or spoken to them in quite a long time. I don’t know how they’d respond to me now. I guess I feel like I’ve y’know—” I had to work hard to keep my feelings in check, “—abandoned them, sort of.” I lowered my gaze.

He tipped my chin up. He stroked my cheek and spoke, “Guilt is not a good feeling. I don’t know the details of it Mel, but it seems to me that you had a good reason for leaving there.”

I nodded subtly. “I did, at the time. Devin was always gone – hanging out with his buddies and he would skip family dinners. My Dad,” I shook my head, trying to calm myself down, “he was nonexistent. I felt so bad. I knew he missed my mom. I knew he was devastated deep down like I was. That was probably the thing that held me there the most – that really told me I should stay, because of him. I tried to make some sort of connection with him. He always used to take me fishing when I was a little girl. I tried to offer that. He refused. I kept on making dinner, and did what I could to help out with the bills, y’know. It was real tough for a while. But when I got my letter from NYU, I knew I had to take it and run with it.”

I gave him a watery laugh. “I have no clue why I’m rehashing this now, but that’s that. I packed all my stuff. Cashed in my last check from waitressing, and was in New York in the next two days. I was broke,” I laughed. “Spent all my money on tuition. That was the day I met Bethany Lynn.” I smiled. “I couldn’t have asked for a better roommate.”

He listened and watched me in complete silence. There was a gleam of intensity in his eyes. I took a deep breath and nibbled on the ends of my slice I’d forgotten about, and waited for his response.

“Wow.” He murmured, still looking at me.

I flushed, and he had the decency to continue, “Wow,” he repeated, “You just left like that, huh?”

I frowned. “Yeah, I guess.”

“No I mean, that’s gutsy.” He shook his head. “It takes a hell of a lot of courage to do that. From your description, it seems like the best thing you could’ve done, Mel. And not just because I reaped the benefits.” He added, giving me a smile.

I smiled. “I can’t say I’m not glad I did because I am. It’s just the ‘what if’ that bothers me.”

He watched me, taking in my response. He took a hold of my hand, and played with my fingers. “You let me know if you want to take a trip back, Mel. I’d do that for you.”

My eyebrows furrowed. “What?”

He nodded, kissing my fingers. “I’d be there for you if you wanted to get back together with them. Just think about it. Mull it over. If it sounds like a good idea, I can see to two plane tickets back to Rochester. Maybe you could introduce me to your family,” he smiled.

My mouth had opened halfway through his speech. My eyes were wide. My father and Devin meeting Lance? It seemed like such a foreign and inexplicable idea.

“It’s up to you, babe. Whatever you want.” Our waiter Javier passed by, and Lance snagged his arm. “Get us a box, man. And a cannoli for takeout I think.” He grinned.

“’Course,” Javier said, swiftly moving between tables and chairs to the counter.

I hadn’t responded yet. I was still in shock. It was a loaded question I hadn’t prepared for.

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I was back in his car, still puzzled. I realized then that I’d never thought about making a trip back to see my Pa or Devin. The thought scared me though. I had no clue how they’d respond to me once I’d gotten there. Would they treat me with disgust and refuse to talk to me? Would they act as if nothing ever happened – that leaving for New York was just a change they’d gotten used to? Or would they welcome me back, my dad greeting me and saying how much he missed me.

The truly scary thing was that I didn’t know. I didn’t even know my family that well anymore to answer that question. That was the heartbreaking truth I’d come to see. Lance hadn’t begun a new topic after he paid for dinner – which I wanted to pay for, or at least some. But all I got was a kiss on the forehead, and a shake of his head. Lance. He was willing to take a trip back to Minnesota with me. I must’ve really looked depressed in that restaurant.

“Where are we going?” I asked, needing to think about something else.

He grinned. “You’ll see.”

Just then, my mood changed. That was also one of the many things I loved about him: the effects he has on me. His presence always had an emotional effect on me. Whatever he was feeling – it was hard not to feel the same. He was infectious.

“Do you remember when I said I didn’t like surprises?”

He grin grew ten sizes. “Oh, trust me. I remember."