Manage Me

Okay, so the slap had definitely been out of line. But seriously, I couldn’t think of any other response. I had wanted to say yes, but at the same time I couldn’t do what he wanted. I couldn’t move in with him and be his maid full time because that would be torture. I wanted more than that. I wanted to be able to spend time with him when I wasn’t on my knees cleaning his house.

I called Lily as soon as I made it back to my apartment. She didn’t really approve of my actions but she told me she’d be right over. I sighed, stripping and entering the shower. I was emotionally and physically exhausted. I didn’t even care about the fact that the water was ice cold, or that my hands were shaking and my teeth were chattering. I just stood there, willing myself not to cry. I had done the right thing. Right?

If you had done the right thing you wouldn’t be miserable right now.

I sighed, finally turning off the water and wrapping a towel around myself. I couldn’t argue with my own thoughts because I agreed with them. But I couldn’t very well go back and tell Jack I was sorry and I would move in and be his maid. I had too much pride for that. My phone buzzed from its position on the bathroom counter and I flipped it open lazily. I was pretty sure it was Lily.

“Hey, babe, the door is unlocked. I just got out of the shower. I’ll be out in a sec.” I yawned, and began applying lotion to my legs, cradling my cell on my shoulder.

“Well that’s probably the sexiest greeting I’ve ever received.” I yelped and nearly dropped the phone.

“Alex!”

“The one and only.” I could practically hear his smirk through the speaker. “By the way, I think I prefer baths to showers. Especially ones with bubbles.” My cheeks turned bright red.

“Uhm…I was just…expecting someone else…” I stuttered awkwardly.

“Do you have some secret boyfriend you forgot to mention this morning?” He teased.

“No, but I do have a secret lover.” As if on cue Lily burst through the bathroom door.

“Katie! Why are you in the bathroom?!”

“I just got out of the shower, smart one.” I said with an eye roll.

“Well get your butt into the living room, we have some serious discussing to do!” She flounced away, not at all phased by my lack of clothing.

“Was that said lover?”

“Yeah.” I giggled. “That was Lily.”

“She sounded hot. Good job.”

“Was there an actual reason you called, Mr. Gaskarth?”

“That sounded hot too.” I rolled my eyes again. “I just wanted to see what you were doing tonight.”

“KATIEEEEEE!” Lily called from the other room. “Unless you’re on the phone with Jack Barakat or Jesus hang up and come cuddle with meeeeeeeeeee!”

There was an awkward silence on the phone. I knew Alex had heard what Lily yelled and I blushed a deep scarlet color. I quickly ran out to where Lily was sprawled on the couch and shot her a death glare. She shrugged.

“Did she just put Jack Barakat and Jesus in the same sentence?”He finally said. I breathed a sigh of relief.

“Apparently. Lily is a little bit screwy in the head.” I stared right at her as I said that.

“You know, the fact that you’re naked kind of takes away from the whole threatening thing.” She said casually.

“You’re naked?”

“I told you I just got out of the shower.”

“Hot.”

I giggled and Lily stared at me. I remembered what she had said earlier and started to panic at the thought of her mentioning Jack again. I was trying to forget about him. I was trying to move on. And Alex didn’t need to know about what had happened between Jack and I.

“I’ve gotta go, Alex. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“Sure. Text me.”

I told him I would and then hung up the phone. Lily gave me a look of complete and utter astonishment as I sat down next to her. I shifted awkwardly in my seat.

“Excuse me, did you just say Alex?”

“Yeah…”

“Please tell me this is a new Alex, not Alex Gaskarth.”

“I would be lying if I said that.” I mumbled.

I found myself being jerked back and forth suddenly. Lily shook me until I finally swatted her hands away. I rubbed my arms where she had grabbed me and glared at her. She glared right back. My stomach turned. Lily was pissed and I was afraid.

“Kathrine Rae Feist.” I gulped. “What the actual fuck is wrong with you?!”

“I – I just…”

“You just what?! Decided to fuck around with Jack’s feelings by going after his best friend? You decided to fuck around with Alex because you were too pussy to tell Jack how you actually felt? Is that it? Because that’s fucked up, Katie. I can’t even believe you! Do you have absolutely no memory of your relationship with Matt? Let me remind you then. You loved him. You fucked him. He fucked everyone else. You ended up pregnant and he ended up dumping you. And you cried and you drank and you did drugs and you lost Kade because you were a mess. What you’re doing right now, messing around with both of these guys, is exactly what Matt did to you. Sure, they won’t end up with a baby, but just think about what Jack looked like when you first started working there. Imagine what he must be like now. Go ahead and deny that he likes you, but he would never have spent the time getting to know you or trying to hire you full time if he didn’t care about you. And not only did you completely and totally shut him down, now you’re flirting with his best friend who you don’t even like. Shut up, I’m not done.” She snapped as I opened my mouth.

“Don’t you dare try to tell me you like Alex because I know you don’t. You just like the idea of Alex. But your view of him is skewed. All you see is a cute boy who is flirting with you and obviously wants you, but that’s not the whole story. You’ve known him for one day. You probably haven’t even really talked to him either, just superficial flirting and teasing. But you’ve known Jack for six days now. And maybe you haven’t spent a lot of time getting to know him, but he’s spent a lot of time getting to know you. Tell me, did Alex actually ask what I was like?” I shook my head, my eyes cast down. “And what about Jack?” I sighed. I had already told Lily all about the questions Jack had asked and my answers back to him.

“You’ve been doing so well, Katie.” Lily said in a much softer tone. “You’re making sure your mom gets money, and you’re saving up for a new apartment. You’ve been clean for over two years now, even if you still drink occasionally, which is mostly my fault. You’re so close to getting Kade back, Kates. Don’t throw that away because of some boys. You know I want you with Jack because I think he would be so good for you, but don’t go fucking around with Alex just because you think you can’t have him. That’s just going to lead to even more problems and you’re never going to get Kade back.”

I was near tears at this point. Lily wrapped her arm around my shoulders, pulling me close. I knew her rant was done. And as hurtful as it was, it was also true, and I needed to hear it. That’s why I could always rely on Lily. She knew me inside and out and she wasn’t afraid to state something bluntly just to spare my feelings.

“You’re right.” I finally whispered.

“I know.” She said, but it wasn’t smug. It was just a statement because we both knew it was true.

“It just felt nice to feel wanted, you know?”

“Babycakes, you are wanted by so many it’s not even funny. And I know a certain guitarist would kill to have you. Probably even his best friend.”

“Very funny.” She squeezed me tighter and I smiled slightly. “I’ll tell Alex. I promise.”

Lily nodded and I reached for my phone again. It started buzzing in my hand and I saw the name Mom flashing on the screen. I held it up to show Lily, her face screwing up in confusion to match mine. I quickly answered before it had the chance to go to voicemail.

“Hi, Mom. What’s up?” I asked skeptically.

“I’ve come to a decision, Kathrine.” My eyebrow quirked. Lily moved her ear close to mine so she could listen in.

“A decision?”

“About Kade.” My heartbeat immediately sped up.

“What is it?” I breathed.

“You may have him back.” I took a sharp breath, but my mother quickly continued, cutting me off. “If you can show me you’ll provide him with a healthy home environment and acquire a steady income, not just odd jobs for the cleaning agency. You’ve got one month, Kathrine. If I don’t like it, you won’t get him back.”

“Okay! Yes! I swear, Mom, I’ll do whatever you want.” I cried.

“One month, Kathrine Rae. I’ll be calling you. Goodbye.” She hung up before I could respond but I had already leapt from the couch and began jumping around in excitement.

Lily quickly joined me. I pulled her into a hug and we spun all around the apartment. Finally, we collapsed on the couch, giggling our faces off. We finally calmed down and I pressed a kiss to her cheek. She flung her arms around me, snuggling into my side as best she could. It was slightly awkward, her 5’8” frame dwarfing my 5’2” one, but we made it work just like always. I finally caught my breath again.

“Lily.” I stated with a huge grin on my face. “I’m going to get Kade back. I’m going to get my son back.”

“I know, Kates, I heard.” Her smile was just as large as mine.

We squealed again, hugging each other tightly. Lily looked around the apartment and I noticed the glee in her eyes fade a little.

“What?” I asked, suddenly worried.

“Your apartment.” She said uneasily. I looked around with her and realized what she meant.

“Mom will never let him live here.” I suddenly felt a wave of despair wash over me. “I don’t have enough money for a new place yet, Lil! And I don’t have a job anymore!” I cried, curling into Lily’s neck and trying not to let the tears in my eyes overflow.

She was silent for a moment. I knew she wasn’t ignoring me, she was thinking. She would want to offer for me to move in with her of course, but she had roommates to worry about. And it wasn’t like Lily could find me a job. She went to school most of the time, spending whatever free time she had with me or working as an apprentice for some local fashion designers. That wasn’t something she could even attempt to hook me up with. After what seemed like forever, Lily hesitantly opened her mouth.

“I have an idea…” She trailed off, looking at me with conflicted eyes. I silently pleaded with her to continue. “You're not going to like it but...Well…you did get offered full time job with Jack…and he would let you live with him…even if Kade can’t stay in the pool house with you, you could save money by not paying rent anymore…”

Lily went silent, waiting for my reaction. I didn’t know what she was expecting, but by the look on her face she didn’t think it would be good. I took a deep breath, processing the information. She was right, as usual. And even though I wasn’t sure if the offer still stood after my rude rejection, I was going to have to try. There wasn’t really any other option at the moment.

“Pass me my phone.” I said quietly. She did so and I stared into her eyes for a few seconds before pulling up a number I didn’t think I’d ever have to use. “Here goes nothing.” I mumbled and pressed the green call button.