Manage Me

I didn’t even make it up the front steps before Kade was in my arms. I caught him mid-jump from the porch and if he hadn’t looked so miserable I would have scolded him for doing something so dangerous. But after one look at him, all I wanted to do was hug him forever. So I did. He curled his face into my neck and I took us both back into the house. My mom was standing by the door, but I ignored her completely. I carried Kade into the back of the house where our living room was. Mom obviously hadn’t been letting him lounge around back here today, but at this moment he was my son, not her grandson, and I was going to spoil him rotten until he felt better.

I found blankets and swaddled both of us in them. Kade hadn’t released me yet and I wasn’t about to be the one letting him go. I found Finding Nemo on Netflix and started it up, whispering the lines every once in a while. The only sounds Kade was making were the occasional cough or sniffle. He sometimes giggled, but other than that he was silent and it worried me. Kade was never silent.

He made it about ¾ of the way through the movie before his breathing evened out and he fell asleep. I glanced down at him. The outsides of his eyes were red as was his nose, which was covered in snot. His skin was hot to the touch. I knew it probably wasn’t a big deal. Kids got sick all of the time. But this was my kid and that made it so much scarier. A noise sounded from the hallway and I looked up to see my mother. She beckoned me with her finger. I slowly extracted myself from Kade, making sure the blankets stayed on and I jostled him as little as possible. He sniffled at the loss of contact but stayed asleep. With one last look at him, I left the room.

My mother led me into the kitchen. I sat at the counter, grabbing a mug that had been left out and pouring myself a cup of coffee. Normally, I didn’t drink it, but something was telling me I’d need the caffeine.

“We need to talk.” I almost rolled my eyes at her words. Obviously, she had pulled me away from Kade to talk. But I bit my tongue and kept quiet. “How are you doing with my requirements to get Kade back?”

“Well, I’ve got a steady job. You knew that though because I’ve been sending money.” I couldn’t resist adding in the snarky comment. It was rude, but I did it anyway. “And I’ve got a new place to live.”

“Nice to know you’ve left that dump behind. Where is this new job and home?”

“I’m still working for the guy who hired me a few weeks ago. I live in his pool house.”

“You’re living with a boy? In his pool house?”

“Yes, Mom.” I sighed.

“And you seriously expect me to allow Kade to live in that situation?”

“No!” I exclaimed, offended. “I’m saving money for a new place right now.”

My mother pursed her lips, obviously disgusted. I opened my mouth to defend myself but was cut off by Kade’s cries from the back room. With one last glance at my mother’s disapproving expression, I flitted back to where I had just come from. Kade was sitting up, the blankets drooping off of his shoulders as he yelled out for me. He quieted when I entered the room and I quickly scooped him up, rocking back and forth to calm him. Eventually, his cries became sniffles which then became soft snores. I stopped moving and returned to the couch, this time keeping Kade firmly in place. His skin was hot, but shivers were running through him and I placed the blankets back around his body. I looked up and found my mother, yet again, standing just a few feet away. I didn’t move this time, so she was forced to come sit next to me.

“I think it’s time you leave.” I stared at her incredulously.

“Seriously, Mom? You seriously expect me to just leave my son when he’s sick? No.” I shook my head violently. “Not gonna happen.”

“Kathrine Rae, this is still my house and while you are inside of it you will abide by my rules.” My mother growled. I felt myself tear up as I hugged Kade’s feverish body closer.

“And Kade is still my son. Nothing you say or do will change that fact, Mother.” I took a deep breath and buried my nose in Kade’s blonde hair, inhaling his sweet scent. I kissed his forehead lightly before standing and placing him on the couch. “I’ll go now, but I’m going to get him back. And if he wakes up and asks for me, you can be the one to explain to him that ‘Ma’ wants nothing more than to keep me away forever. See how much he loves you then.”

I turned on my heel and stalked out of the room before my mom could respond or see the tears that were now coursing down my cheeks. I made sure not to slam the door on my way out since Kade was still sleeping, but I didn’t show the same courtesy to my car door. Even though my vision was blurred by tears, I couldn’t bare to be at that house for one more second. I pulled over after I was a few miles away and turned my car off before pulling my knees to my chest and breaking down into hysterical sobs. My phone buzzed twice in my pocket, signaling a text message, but I ignored it. I didn’t want to talk to anyone right now. It wasn’t until I calmed down a good 45 minutes later that I checked it.



A small smile found its way onto my face at the words. I didn’t reply, opting to take a deep breath and start my car back up. I reminded myself just to breathe as I drove back towards the house, and by the time I was there I had calmed down considerably. What little stress I had left I decided to channel into baking, my fool-proof tension relieving practice. I was just pulling a batch of cookies out of the oven when my phone started to ring. Without checking the caller ID, I answered.

“Hello?”

“I’ve been doing some thinking ever since you left, Kathrine Rae.” The sound of my mother’s voice had my muscles stiffening. I placed the cookie sheet down and made my way outside.

“What do you mean by that?” I spoke carefully. Her tone was dangerous and I was scared of what she would say next.

“About your situation. With the boy and the pool house.” Her words were dripping with disdain. “That is in no way a healthy environment for you to raise a son in, which means you have failed to comply with my stipulations for getting Kade back. Your outburst earlier has also made me realize you are still too immature to act as a good mother to Kade. Therefore, you will not be getting him back.”

My blood boiled at her words, my hand clenching into a fist at my side. She had absolutely no right to say those things to me. I paid for everything involving Kade, and I hadn’t ever even suggested that he move into Jack’s pool house. I fully planned on moving out within the next week or so. But of course, my mother didn’t see any of those things, nor did she try to.

“I was never going to have Kade living here, I’ve found an apartment and will be moving in there before the month is over. You have absolutely no idea what kind of person I am anymore because you never try to understand me. You cannot just dangle Kade in front of my face and then pull him away because you don’t like me or you can’t see past the things I did three years ago!”

“Your arguments are irrelevant, Kathrine. You’re not getting Kade back and that’s final.”

“Damnit, Mom!” I screamed into the phone, finally losing the small amount of patience I had. “Give me back my son or so help me God I will take you to court!”

“You have a son?”

I whipped around faster than ever before and came face to face with the one and only Jack Barakat, pure shock written all over his face.