Manage Me

The sweet smell of freshly baked cookies hit my nose as soon as I walked through the door and I smiled. Next to my mother, Katie made the best cookies ever. I called out her name but didn’t hear a response, so I made my way towards the back of the house. Sure enough there was a sheet of cookies sitting out on the counter. I was slightly surprised that Katie hadn’t placed them on a plate since she was normally so meticulous about the way she made her cookies. It was then that I heard Katie’s voice drifting from the backyard. Curious, I slipped out the door. She was standing with her back to me, body shaking in anger.

“Damnit, Mom!” She screeched into her phone. “Give me my son back or so help me God I will take you to court!”

I felt the breath leave my lungs in one single whoosh of air. I had to have heard that wrong. I mean, Katie wouldn’t keep something like that from me. And she was 20-years-old for fuck’s sake! She was way too young to have a kid. But I still couldn’t stop the words from coming out of my mouth.

“You have a son?”

She turned so quickly I didn’t even have time to blink. She looked utterly horrified and I was sure I looked almost exactly the same. Her wide eyes glistened with slight tears. I heard a voice come from her phone and she snapped back into reality, focused on her conversation again.

“I never gave up my parental rights. You can’t keep him anymore. Either have him packed up by the end of the week or expect to be hearing from a lawyer. Decision made, Mother. Goodbye.”

She snapped her phone shut viciously. I stood rooted to the spot, jaw still gaping. Katie turned her attention back to my frozen form, her eyes exponentially softer than just a few more moments ago.

“You’re going to catch a fly with your mouth hanging open like that.” She tried to joke, but her blue eyes were serious, pleading with me. She sighed when I didn’t say anything. “I’ll just go and pack my stuff then. I’m so sorry.”

She reached up and placed a light kiss on my cheek. I thawed instantly at her touch. My hand reached out, gently wrapping around her wrist as she turned to leave for the pool house. She looked at me, unshed tears shining brightly in her confused eyes.

“Katie…what’s going on? Please, talk to me.”

She stared at me for a moment, indecision painted all over her face, before finally nodding. I let her lead me back inside the house. She sat on the couch, leaving an uncomfortable amount of space between us. I watched silently as she curled her legs underneath herself, tucking a curled strand of blonde hair behind her right ear, fingers lingering for a moment on the tattoo. She took a deep breath, finally looking up to meet my gaze.

“I don’t really know where to start.” She mumbled.

“What’s his name?” I inquired softly. Her eyes began to twinkle slightly, a smile finding it’s way onto her face.

“Kade. Kade Jensen Feist.” And that was all it took to get her going. “Do you remember my ex from yesterday?” I nodded, my fists clenching in anger. “That’s his father. When I was 16, he left for college. I told you about how I caught him cheating on me on our anniversary. That was the day I found out I was pregnant. I couldn’t bring myself to break up with him though. I mean I was having a child with him after all. But when he finally found out a few weeks later he dumped me. He’s never met Kade.”

She had dropped her gaze again, but I heard the sniffles. I scooted closer, dying to wrap my arms around her. Instead I just sat there, shock still rendering me completely useless. After a moment she took another deep breath and continued.

“He knows about him. But he’s never tried to see him. I’ve never wanted him too either. He doesn’t pay child support or anything, but that’s for the better. Matt doesn’t deserve any part of my son’s life.” Her voice had become venomous and she took another moment to calm down. “Kade lives with my mom right now. He’s been living with her pretty much since he was born. I kind of lost it after he was born. I thought I could do it alone, you know, but Matt got a new girlfriend and I saw them together. He had moved on and I wasn’t and I knew I would always have Kade as a reminder. I just couldn’t handle it. I got mixed up with the wrong people. I was drinking all the time and then I started do drugs. My mom kicked me out and kept Kade. Lily finally managed to get me to clean up and I’ve been sober, besides the occasional drinking, for over a year now. I send almost all of my money to my mom to pay for Kade, and I call him every night.” She was angry now, her fists balling up at her sides. “I’ve been trying to get him back for a while now, but she’s such a stubborn bitch. She refuses to believe that I’m better. But I am and he’s my son, not hers and she can’t keep him any longer.”

Katie went quiet after that, and I didn’t say anything either. We both just sat there, Katie fiddling with her fingers. Finally she sighed deeply and stood. I stared up at her. She looked completely helpless.

“I’m just gonna start getting my things together. I won’t be long, I promise.” Her voice was just a whisper.

“What? Why?”

I didn’t want her to go. Yes, Katie had just dropped a massive bombshell on me and I still wasn’t quite sure how to react, but the one thing I was absolutely certain of was that I did not want the tiny blonde girl in front of me walking out of my life.

“Jack.” She breathed out with what almost sounded like a chuckle. “I just told you that I have a son and was a drug addict. I don’t expect you to want me to stay.” I was out of my seat milliseconds after the words had left her mouth.

“But I do want you to stay.” She eyed me warily and I intertwined my fingers with hers, refusing to break eye contact with her. “Look this is a lot to take in, but I still want you here. I’m not just going to let you go that easily.”

“I don’t think you understand, Jack.” Katie shook her head sadly, tears swimming in her crystal eyes. “I meant what I said to my mom outside. I’m taking Kade back by the end of this week. And I would never dream of asking you to let him live here. You’re 22 years old and in a band. I’m not going to ruin your life with this.”

“Katie Feist.” I said seriously, cradling her small face in my hands, my voice completely serious. “I meant what I said last night, and I will not let you just give up on me and us because you’re scared or you think you’re going to ruin my life. We’ll figure this out together, because I can’t picture my life without you and if that means making room for your son, then so be it.”

Katie didn’t respond. Her eyes held mistrust. I hated that. I wanted to be there for her. I may not be ready for the responsibility of a child, but I could learn. For Katie. I could do anything for her. So, I leaned down and braced my forehead against hers.

“Please. You said you would try last night. So just try. Because I’m telling you right now, I’m staying and I want you to stay too.”

And then I leaned forward slightly and connected our lips. The kiss was desperate. I was begging for Katie to stay, to understand that I was committed to this, even if it wasn’t something I had planned for. Katie seemed like she thought I was going to break away at any moment and I could feel that she didn’t want that, even if she wouldn’t admit it. My fingers tangled in her hair, the band slipping out and causing it to spill out of the ponytail. We both pulled away after a few minutes, breathing hard.

“You have to be sure about this, Jack. I know it’s not something you thought would happen, but I have to think about Kade in all of this. And I’m not going to bring him into something that will just end up harming him. You don’t have to do this, but if you do you need to understand it’s serious.”

“I know, Katie. And I promise you, I will not hurt you or Kade.” Katie bit her lip, studying my face. After a moment she finally nodded decisively.

“Okay.” It was just a whisper, but it was firm and I grinned.

“So, when do I get to meet him?”