Photographs of Graves

I became rather profane for the rest of the day and half the time I wished I could glue my lips together to save myself from my incessant idiocy. Some people curl up and hide when they get rocked: I, on the other hand, start vomiting up vile language onto the faces of my coworkers.

In love? With me? And you found it entirely necessary to tell me this half way through my day at work. You asswipe. You cocky motherfucker.

“Why do you become hostile when somebody compliments you? That seems like a problem. If I was told by an attractive man that I found interest in that he was in love with me, I would have the sex in his office.” Ana told me with a completely straight face. This stopped my seething for a moment, during which I stared at her blankly.

“Are you sure you're lesbian?” I asked.

“Oh yes. I think your ass is cuter than his. I think the penis is gross.” Again she said this with a totally straight face. I almost fell out of my chair I was working so hard to contain my laughter.

“God, I'm a wreck,” I mused once I could contain my giggles. Ana smiled at me.

“I think you look fine,” she said. “Just slightly insane.”

“Oh Ana,” I sighed, giving her a tight bear hug. She squeaked. “You're great.”

~~

Love. That word. The word that scared me shitless. I recoiled from it like a wild animal faced with fire, the embers glowing in my frightened eyes. It was scalding me, licking at my insides and demanding freedom. Demanding Graves. I swallowed back the flames and the curse words that fought their way up from my chest, burying myself in my work. I had to summarize an interview with a German diplomat, translating it into English. They were talking about the falling value of the Euro, although Germany was doing alright in the midst of the recession.

God dammit. Fuck this. Graves, you dirty whore, how dare you get under my skin. How dare you get so close to me. Not now. Please not now. The fireworks building up in my chest were terribly inconvenient for me.

“Give Germany a chance to save Europe,” the diplomat said in my ear. “Give us a chance to save.”

Fuck you, German diplomat. Stay out of my life. I don't want to give Germany a chance. I don't want to give anyone a chance. You demanding ass.

I wasn't focusing well and it pissed me off. I rubbed my forehead, listening to the section again and translating.

“Give Germany a chance to save Europe. Give us a chance to save.”

Just give him a fucking chance, you whiny, scared bitch, a voice in the back of my head whispered behind the voice of the German diplomat. Don't fuck this up just because you're afraid to get hurt.

I finished the translation a little bit after the day ended. Most of the interns were beginning to pack up and walk out the door as I turned my translation into the drop box. My head was reeling, thoughts tumbling over each other. I was filled with contradictions as I slipped down the hall. Dammit, Arden Murphy, pick something.

I turned into Graves' office at the same time he was walking out, causing a collision that nearly knocked me off balance. He blinked at me in surprise.

“Hey, Murph, what's up –“

Don't think, whatever you do, don't think. My mind yelled at me. I reached up and pulled him down to me, fire running down from my mouth down my spine when our lips met. He crashed over me like a wave, arms drawing tight around my waist in response, stubble rubbing lightly against my chin as his lips moved.

Shit shit shit shit shit –

Don't think, whatever you do, don't think.

He spun me into his office and quickly shut and locked the door.

~~

I'd never had sex in an office before. I never knew that a desk could make such a great platform for lovemaking. But half-naked, twined around Graves, papers scattered underneath my bare ass was terribly exhilarating, and even more so because half my brain was completely melting into the half-naked man that had his hands on my thighs and the other hand was swearing in the kind of way I would if my car was about to hit a tree.

He pulled me off the desk and onto the floor, sending papers flying.

“Fuck, babe,” he breathed. “Thank god you came back.”

We disappeared into darkness as the normal lights were flipped off and the emergency lights were flipped on in the building. There we smoldered before catching fire on the floor.

“I love you, Murphy. God, I love you.”

Don't think, whatever you do, don't think.

"I love you, too, Graves," I breathed.