Memories That Fade Like Photographs

You’d think that if someone was mad at you they’d show it, but at the moment I’m not sure. What I am sure of is that I’m pissed because Alex finally decided to show up to school. He’s acting like himself, but he’s not being the same Alex Gaskarth to Jack or myself. He’s not speaking to either of us. It’s sort of hard on my part since I have most of my classes with him. He sits next to me in every single one of them, so what the hell is his problem?

“Jack, he’s only talking to Matt, Rian, and Kara. I’m not sure about Zack, but he’s not talking to you or me. What could we have possibly done to get him mad at us?” I asked him, since Alex sat on the other end of the study hall room.

“I don’t know Lucy, it’s freaking me out. He doesn’t just walk to the other side of the classroom like this. He’s my best friend, I should know what’s bugging him. I shouldn’t be his problem, I should be the one beating the problem up along side him.”

I rolled my eyes, “You seriously have no clue?”

“No, I don’t. I’m sorry, but I hope you find out.” He said giving me a weird face.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes I am. I just hope that you find out what’s wrong with him.”

“Are you sure you’re okay? You might be spazing out with your words. Did you take your pills this morning?” I asked.

“What the hell Lucy!” Jack laughed loudly, but I could sense that he was clearly annoyed.

“Miss Jefferson, Mr Barakat! Please be quiet.” Mr. Humphries, our study hall teacher, scolded us. “Sorry.” We both whispered to him, but I didn’t miss the glare that Alex sent our way. Seriously, what is his problem? God, this is so frustrating.

“Lucy, since you’re obviously clueless then I’ll tell you.” Jack whispered.

“Tell me what?”

“You need to find out what’s wrong with Alex, and I want you to use your spiderman powers.”

“My spiderman powers?” I laughed.

“Yeah, you know. When you easvedrop. Listen in on his conversations and crawl on walls so no one sees you unless they look up.” He said as if I were stupid.

“Jack, I’m not spiderman. But I’ll try. First I want to see if he aknowledges us at lunch, alright?”

He sighed, “Fine. Do what you’ve got to do.” The bell rang just then and we got up and walked out the door. We talked for a few seconds and then gave each other a quick hug goodbye and left to our separate classes. When I got into french class I looked for Kara, but Ross jumped in front of me. “Bonjour Lucy.” He smirked. I sighed, “Ross, I’m sorry to cut you short, but I really need to talk to Kara.”

He rolled his eyes at me. “You’re always blowing me off Lucy, but fine, go right past me.”

“Geez, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed.” I said, walking past him and over to her. She was working on the last problem of the French homework but I didn’t have time to wait. “The answer is D. Now mark it down and tell me what’s wrong with Alex.”

“Thank you, and I don’t know what’s wrong with him. He seems fine to me.”

“But he’s ignoring Jack and me.”

“He is?” she questioned.

“Yes, you didn’t see how he clearly avoided both of us this morning? Or that he wouldn’t talk to me at all in History?”

“I guess not. I’m sorry, I should pay more attention. I’ve just been out of it today. I didn’t do any homework because my mom had me babysit my cousins last night.”

“It’s fine, you don’t have to be sorry. Alex may seem fine with you guys, but he’s not with Jack or me. It’s just really worrying Jack and it’s pissing me off.”

She laughed, “I can tell. I overheard you last comment to Jensen. He seems desperate to me because he keeps asking you out. Can’t he get the point that you’re not interested in him? But anyway, Do you want me to talk to Alex?”

I shook my head, “No, I’m just going to give him some time.”

“And by time you mean, when you’re patients runs out?”

“Exactly.” I smiled and winked at her as I went to sit down in my seat. For the rest of the period I kept thinking about what could have possibly happened in three weeks. Was it because I didn’t tell him where I was going? Is he pissed at me for telling him I like him? Is he pissed at Jack for, actually I don’t know why he would be pissed at Jack? Why would he be pissed at Jack? God, this is so fucking frustrating!

I thought Alex liked me? I mean, he said he did. He kissed me in the rain and a bunch of times on my porch. He even told me that he really liked me!

Was he using me? Could what Kara had said to me before be true? Is he trying to make Lisa jealous? If he is and I find out I’ll chop his fucking dick off! God, now I’m sounding obsessed.

Whatever he’s upset over is seriously bugging me. I’m not happy about this. Why is he even still on my mind? I only met the boy mearly four weeks ago and I’ve only talked and been with him for two! Alex Gaskarth, get the fuck out of my head!

It’s times like these where I need my mother most.

“Lucy!” Kara yelled at me.

“Huh? Yeah?” I said looking at her confused.

“The bell rang… are you okay?” she asked as she stared into my eyes. I rubbed my face and felt a stray tear, but I wiped it away quickly before anyone else questioned me.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just thinking, let’s get to lunch.” I said as I hurried to gather my things. Once I was settled, we headed to lunch. As always we were there early, but what surprised me was when Alex came with Matt and Rian. After they sat down they all gathered in a small conversation. I mean, they were including everyone and I could’ve given my opinion in whenever, but I was more concerned of the sad looking Jack coming our way.

He always walked in with Alex, laughing and joking about whatever was on their mind. And now it looked like he just gave up on life itself. When he made his way over, he looked for an empty seat, but since there wasn’t one next to Alex he sighed in defeat.

I scooted over and patted the seat next to me. He smiled weakly and I gave one in return. When he sat down next to me I whispered in his ear, “Just ignore him. He won’t be mad for long. Plus, if he keeps this act up he’s missing out on what a great friend you are.” When I pulled away, he smiled sweetly at me, “You’re amazing, you know that.” And then he kissed my cheek.

I smiled back, “Thank you Jack.” And then I leaned in to whisper, “I’m always here for you, if you ever want to talk. I can see the distressed look in your own eyes even when you’re trying your hardest to look like everything is fine.” He nodded his head and started to eat his food.

For most of the lunch hour it was just me and Jack talking to each other. We joked and laughed about the weirdest things and our friends would just give us strange looks and wonder what exactly we were laughing about. Kara even asked, “What in the world did you two take?” and we would just laugh in return.

But in the last five minutes Alex got up and threw his stuff out and said he’d see everyone later. I watched him walk over to the exit of the cafeterria and once he was out of earshot I groaned and said, “I’ll see you guys in class. I need to do something real quick.”

Jack gave me a knowing look and kissed my cheek before I got up to leave. Kara’s face scrunched in cofusion but shook it off as I stood up.

“Okay, see you later Lucy!” they all said as I walked away to follow Alex. He stopped to talk to a few people but when he finally stopped walking I noticed he was by his locker. I kept walking, making sure he hasn’t noticed me, and when I made it around the corner I watched him. Yes, it might be creepy, but I could give two shits right now.

He opened his locker and pulled out his notebook that he’s always writing in. He shoved it in his book bag, along with his other books. And then shut his locker. I pulled away from the corner and held the handle to the door I stood by. I knew he would come down over here, since we always walked this way after lunch. So, when he turned the corner I grabed him by the collar and pulled him in.

“What the fuck?” he said, caught off guard. I shut the door quickly and realized it was dark as hell in here. “Who the hell is in here?” he shouted and I was about to rip his face off if he didn’t shut up and that fact that I couldn’t see him.

I lifted my arm up and pulled on the string that turned on the light. When Alex saw it was me, he narrowed his eyes at me, “I should’ve know it was you. What do you want?”

“I want to know why you’re being a dick to Jack and me.”

“How am I being a dick, when I haven’t talked to either of you?”

“Exactly, you haven’t talked to either of us. Why? Jack’s your best friend”- I started to say but he cut me off, “Yes, he’s my best friend. How could I be so stupid, Lucy. Thank you for reminding me.” He said in a sarcastic tone but continued, “Maybe I shouldn’t be mad at him. I should be mad at you though because if you hadn’t come to Maryland then maybe I wouldn’t be upset with him too. Actually my reason wouldn’t exist.”

“What are you talking about, Alex? Are you trying to make me feel unwelcomed? If you want me to leave Baltimore, than just say so.” I spoke harshly, but before he could put his two sense into it I said, “Actually, no don’t say anything because I already know the answer to it. Don’t worry Alex, you can go back to talking to Jack and I’ll just stay out of your way. I promise you it’ll be like I never existed, but if Jack ever asks me why I’m not talking to him, I’ll tell him to talk to the douche of a best friend he has.”

I turned around thinking about everything now. I didn’t want that to be it. Why does he make me think like this? This is his fault not mine. That’s when I realized I was far from done. I stopped myself before I opened the door and turned my head to say, “You know what, I can’t believe I told you that I like you. You’re probably just using me to get back at Lisa for what she did to you over the summer. I hope you’re happy Alex. I told you I like you and you tell me the same. I even told Jack on our date that I wasn’t interested in him. But you know what, maybe that was a mistake. Maybe I should’ve chosen him over you. But I didn’t because you won’t get the fuck out of my head.” I placed my hand on the handle and opened it but once it got an inch open, it quickly shut and I was being pushed into the wall that Alex was leaning on just a second ago.

“I was jealous.” He said quickly.

“What?” I asked, not catching what he just said.

“I was jealous, Lucy. I was upset with both of you because I was jealous that you went on a date with Jack and I was upset that you left for Paris without telling me because I was worried. And I was upset with Jack because he went on a date with you and he didn’t tell me that you went to Paris till three days later when I told Jack that I wasn’t going to band practice.”

I smirked, “You’re kidding, the Alex Gaskarth, Mr. Big shot, was jealous because his best friend went on a date with the girl he likes?”

He blushed and pulled away with embarrassment, “I knew you’d make fun of me.”

“Hey.” I smiled as I pulled him back. He looked at me when I pulled him back but instead of saying anything I pulled his face to mine.

Once our lips connected, the heat between us was fully built. I missed the feel of his lips on mine. Even though we’ve only kissed that one time, I remembered what they felt like. Alex made me feel like myself again. He makes me have hope and he makes me forget about the pain I went through over summer. I missed my parents but with Alex, he made me feel like everyone was right. That it wasn’t my fault they were dead. But that it was just an accident. I may not be fully healed, nor will I ever be, but when I’m with him he makes me see a brighter day. Even if I’m upset with him.

The bell had rung just two mintues while we were making out and then a few seconds after the supply closet door was pulled open. And the mood was broken when the janitor said, “One of the worst spots to make out in kids. Get to class and be lucky I didn’t get the principle.” Alex and I laughed and thanked and apologized to the janitor. We left the closet and on our way to my locker we heard him mumble, “Horny teenagers.”

We held in our laughter till we got to my locker. “Lucy, this is your fault.”

“What? How is it mine? We both had a role in that, please don’t let that happen to me again. That was so embarrasing.”

“At least it was the janitor and not another couple or worse, the principle.”

“You’re right, but it would be bad if another couple came in there and found a none couple making out in the supply closet.”

“You’re the one that kissed me.” He defended himself.

“You could’ve stopped us.”

“But I like kissing you.” He said as I opened my locker. I felt the heat rise in my face, but I was hoping he didn’t see it. Once I felt it go away I grabbed my last book and shut my locker. “Hey.” He said as I kept looking down, in fear of blushing still. “Lucy, look at me.” He said as he lifted my chin with his index finger. Once our eyes locked he smiled, “I’m sorry I ignored you and Jack. I promise it won’t happen again. And I want you to know that I would never use you to get back at Lisa. That bitch has been written out of my history books. So, please don’t think that ever again.”

“Thank you, but now you need to make up with your best friend.”

“Don’t worry, I will.” He smiled.

“We should get to class.” I reminded him since we were still by my locker.

“Let’s go.” He smiled as he held out his hand – which I grabbed – and walked to Calculas together.

On arrival, Mr. O’Conner looked at us disapprovingly. Since everyone was working on classwork he had come to his desk. “Alexander Gaskarth, why am I not surprised?”

“Sorry, Mr. O’Conner, I didn’t mean for us to be late”- He didn’t let him continue since he held his hand up to silence him, and then he looked at me to say, “Lucy, you’re new here. And you had very good grades in your last school, but you just came to this school and are suspended for two weeks. How are you going to catch up if you’re missing half of my class?”

“Actually, I’m already caught up. I finished all my late work last night and I turned it in at the office. It should be in your mailbox.”

“I hope so, but I don’t want you two late to my class again, alright? If you are, it’s a 30 minute detention after school. Got it?”

“Yes sir.” Alex and I nodded and then headed to our seats in the back. For the rest of the period, Alex and I worked on the worksheet given to us. Mr. O’Conner was surprised when we were the first to finish before everyone, and we even had all the problems correct. I was pretty sure we proved him wrong about us.

When the next class came Alex and I sat in our seats and waited for Jack and Matt to show up. We had music this period, and it was pretty much a blow off class. Everyone here was learning how to play guitar and we always just sat there either talking or messing with a gutiar and creating a ridiculous song.

Once, Jack and Matt had arrived the talking started. Alex was talking to Matt while I talked to Jack. “I’m guessing you didn’t get anywhere with him?” he said sadly.

I shook my head, “I did actually. You should go talk to him though.”

“I don’t know, Lulu.”

“Just go over to studio one, and practice a song or something. I’ll talk to him and then I’ll send him your way. Okay?”

He sighed, “Okay.”

As he got up to leave, I turned my attention to the boys sitting in front of me. “Alex.” I said, but he didn’t hear me. Him and Matt were having an intense conversation about something. When I said his name again and didn’t get an answer I kicked his seat and he jumped to look at me. “What?” he whined.

“Go talk to Jack, he’s in studio one waiting for you.”

“He is?”

“Yes, now go. He’s really upset.” He nodded his head and walked away. Matt looked at me with a funny look, “Yes Matthew?”

“He likes you, you know.” He said referring to Alex.

I nodded my head, “I know, he’s told me.”

“He has? Wow, then he must have it bad for you.”

“What do you mean?”

“Alex hasn’t been acting the same since you moved here. He’s changed, for the best actually. When he dated Lisa, they always faught over the littlest things. She never liked his music, and thought that he only wanted to be famous because then girls would be up on his dick. She was right, but he never once cheated on her. Then he found out about her, but never called her out.”

“He knew she’s been cheating on him?”

He nodded, “Yeah, but he was convinced he loved her. He never looked at another girl with the amount of passion he had with her. Once he found out, that light in him burnt out but he had so much hope… then you came along.”

“You mean I gave him that spark back?”

“Now, you’re getting the picture. He was so sure there would never be a girl like Lisa, but when I saw the way he looked over at you at the bonfire, it was back, but so much stronger. He smiled so wide when he saw you interacting with his friends, but when you went off with Zack he was incredibly jealous. He likes you a lot, and Lisa automatically knew you were a threat.”

“How do you know all this?” I asked, now wanting to know where he gets his information.

“I’ve known them for a while. I can read people easily, especially these nut brains. I can read you too.”

“And what is it you can read?”

“I can tell you’re hiding something from us, but you’re scared. I see how much everyone means to you. They’re the support you have and it’s been helping you forget about your problems. You look at Alex like he’s the only thing in the room. He gives you hope, but he also brings you down to your worst. You look at Jack for support, like he’s the best friend you’ve always wanted. With Rian and Zack, it’s like they automatically became your siblings. They look after you and want what’s best for you. You admire that about them… You may not realize this but you’ve changed a lot since you’ve moved here.”

I smiled and nodded, “You’re good at that. No wonder why I liked you so much.”

“I like you too, Lucy. You’re a great friend to us all and now that you’re in my life I can’t see what I’d be like without you.” I smiled widely at his words and gave him a big hug. “You’re a great friend, Matt.”

This is how it’s supposed to be. Life feels so much better then it used to. With these guys my life doesn’t seem as empty as I thought it would be. I still worry about my parents, but I know they’re here, in my heart. They’re helping me in this journey. They’re the ones curing me. They gave me all of these friends to let me see the best of things. They don’t want me to mourn on the past but to succeed in the future. I can see myself doing that with all my friends.

Alex and Jack are back to being friends. Alex and I are back to being whatever it is that we are and everything is perfect. We’re here for each other and we won’t let anything get in our way.