Memories That Fade Like Photographs

On the morning Jack and I woke up from the chaotic day before, neither of us even realize what we did till we saw each other in my bed, in the situation we were messed up in. Of course we both freaked, but then came to realize we don’t have much to worry about. All we needed to do was keep it hidden from our friends… well mainly Alex, and we’d be okay. We both feel shitty for doing it, but it has to be done because to me I feel like I just cheated on him, despite the event that happened the day before. Plus, two wrongs don’t make a right.

Anyway, after that, winter break was long and boring. I didn’t see much of anyone besides Aunt Kay and The Dawson’s. Everyone else went on a late winter vacation for New Year’s. Thankfully, school has restarted for the spring season. The next few months are certainly going to be though, especially since graduation is on its way.

The first week of being back everyone apparently found out about what happened the morning after my party. How they found out was beyond me. Alex even tried to speak to me, but I always gave him the cold shoulder. Since we sat next to each other in almost all of our classes, I had asked every teacher if I could move my seat and they allowed me to. In study hall, Jack talked to me outside before heading inside to our seats.

“I’m in a gutter right now.” He said as he placed his hands on my hips as I leaned on the wall.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Who am I supposed to sit with today? I know you’re going to move tables, but should I sit with you or Alex?”

“Who do you want to sit with?”

“Both of you. You’re both my best friends, but this is just so damn difficult. There are so many reasons I could tell you, but by then class would be over.” He sighed and leaned his head on mine.

“Do you know what I think you should do?”

“What?”

“I think you should do what’s best.”

He sighed, “I think I know what you mean. As much as I don’t want to, I guess you’re right.”

“He’s been given the silent treatment by everyone. He needs his best friend, Jack.”

He nodded and then looked around quickly before pressing his lips against mine quickly before taking my hand and pulling us into class right as the bell rang. We hugged each other and he kissed the top of my head before he went to go sit by Alex. As the class period went on, I could over hear the tiny arguments they were having; Alex wanting answers and other stupid things, but I refused to even give him eye contact anymore. He’s not who I thought he was.

The bell rang and I collected my things, but before I even turned around to head to the door, I heard Jack say, “Don’t even think about it Alex. Just go to class.”

His voice was close and when I turned around he was standing two steps away from me and Alex was storming out of the class room.

“Thank you, Jack.” I said sadly.

“No problem, do you want me to walk you to class?” He offered.

I shook my head, “No, but can you meet me at my locker before lunch?”

“Sure. I’ll see you later.”

“Bye.” I said sadly as we walked to our next classes.

When lunch came around it was incredibly awkward because everyone was dissapointed in Alex. The first two days I sat alone because of the blame they threw at him. I couldn’t take it so I left. Jack was the one who told me to come sit back with them because they promised everything was better and thankfully it was. The only difference at our lunch table was the amount of distance I put away from Alex and that Sadie and Kendra both joined us at our table.

The second week of being back, Alex kept calling me once or twice everyday. Then he ended up driving to my house, but Aunt Kay answered the door and told him I was out with Jack. I knew he caught the lie because of the defeated look he had. He told my Aunt to give me a letter and when she said she will, she took the letter and shut the door.

“You know he won’t stop till you listen to him.” She sighed as she handed me the letter.

“I know, but there’s nothing to hear but excuses. When I open this you’ll understand.” I bitterly said as I ripped it open to read it.

“Lucy, don’t. This is meant between you and him. I shouldn’t even be getting involved.” She protested but I didn’t care. I read it out loud and broke with each word.

“Dear Lucy, I’m so sorry for sleeping with Brooklyn. She means nothing to me and that night meant nothing. I thought of you the entire time. I was drunk and it was a mistake. Please let me talk to you. Hear me out. Love always, Alex.” I then proceeded to rip the letter in pieces as I cried in frustration.

Aunt Katherine then hugged me as I started to break down.

“His excuses are the worst! He doesn’t get it! Those aren’t the words I want him to say! He hurt me too much and I can’t take it! It’s killing me everyday knowing that he’s still trying to win me back but not knowing what to say!”

“Shh.. shh… it’ll be alright. Everything will be okay. I promise you.”

Aunt Katherine had never seen me so broken before. That was the first freak out I had since the incident. I didn’t speak to Alex after that either and after a few more attempts he stopped.

On a rainy day of school I decided to walk home to think things over. I told Rian and he said to call him if I decide to travel farther and needed a ride home. I agreed with him, but I knew I wasn’t going far. I walked all the way to the park nearby my house. The one that Alex and I went to when we dated.

I sat down on the swing and listened to the nature surrounding me. It was peaceful and beautiful. Something I wish life could so easily be. Then I started to think.

I’ve been tossed around, shattered, stepped on, and so much more. But the wounds don’t seem to heal. The tape won’t fix a damn thing. I’ve lost everything! My best friend, my boyfriend, my parents, and most importantly, I lost trust. I have no clue what to do with my life. There’s so many options. Do I follow a dream that I don’t know of?Do I take my father’s company or do something different? Everything’s just so fucking confusing that it hurts to even think about it!

I stopped thinking after my head started to hurt. Moments later, footsteps sounded from behind me get and got closer with each step. Eventually the person sat down in the swing next to me, but I didn’t need to look at who it was since I could already sense it was Alex.

“I know I’m the last person you’d ever want to speak to, but we need to talk. It’s been held off for far too long.” Alex stated.

I rolled my eyes and still refused to talk. I guess he took my silence as an okay to continue talking.

“I need to tell you about what happened mainly. Brooklyn came down the stairs and I asked her where you were before she stormed past Jack and I. She said she’ll take me to you, so she dragged me everywhere. She kept giving me drinks when I began to worry and eventually I just felt like if I calmed down you’d find me.” He paused to see if I had any input, but I still refused to speak.

“Brooklyn and I drank a lot and she dragged me from room to room. By the time we were both hammered she said she saw you go upstairs so that’s where we went. She pushed me into her room and started kissing me. I pushed her away and said it was wrong and that you would get mad but she told me to relax and I did, but one thing led to another and…” he paused to take a deep breath but he wasn’t looking at me because during his stupid story I cried my eyes out and I still am to this point. Not sad tears but frustrated tears.

He continued, “I’m so sorry, Lucy. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.”

I couldn’t take it anymore. I wasn’t going to just sit here!

I stood up abruptly causing Alex to jump, but stand up quickly as well. I turned towards him with my tear stained face and started to yell at him as he stood there in shock. It was the first I had spoken to him in weeks.

“How could you be so stupid, Alex?! You just let it happen. You stopped her, but continued to do it anyway?! How could you! You expect me to accept an apology after you basically allowed my best friend to fuck you, which you took part on as well?! Alex, I put all of my trust into you! You were the love of my life and you said I was yours! How am I supposed to believe what you say when you slept with my best friend? I helped you through so much and you did the same for me. I grew that feeling for you that I've never had for anyone else. When I looked at you I knew you were the one. But it’s gone Lex. It’s all gone because of your stupid mistake. I hope you’re just as heart broken as I am.” I turned to walk away but he called my name.

“What?” I cried

“What are you trying to tell me?” he asked as I watched the tears roll down his cheeks. I know he understands what I’m trying to say, but he just wanted to make this harder than it was.

I turned around planning on not saying a word but I turned my head slightly and choked on my tears.

“It’s over Alex.”

Then I finally walked away, refusing to give one last glance at him.