We Don't Feel The Same Anymore

Rolling over, winding myself up in my sheets further, I glanced over to the clock that was on my bedside table. It was early, too early for me to be awake yet. I sighed and pushed the sheets down my body, and climbed out of my bed. I pulled open the curtains, letting the all too bright sunlight in the room. The light reflected off the mirror and photo frames I had scattered on the walls. I pulled on some shorts and an over sized shirt before walking out into my lounge, stopping in my tracks when I saw a figure passed out on my couch.

I smiled to myself, standing over the body of my best friend, who obviously let himself into my apartment earlier this morning. Dead to the world as it seemed, he lay with his head, rested on the arm and his feet dangling over the edge; seeing as he was way too tall for my small couch. I had a thought, I wanted to wake him up, but I wanted to be nice about it; but then he was never nice about waking me up so I threw that thought to the gutter. I took a deep breath and leaned over the back of the couch, so that my mouth was next to his ear. "Wake up loser-face!" I yelled, directly into his ear. Jimmy jumped, so high that I think he almost hit the roof. I was laughing so hard that I fell off the back of the couch and onto my ass, the look on Jimmy's face was priceless. "What the fuck Cassie?!" Jimmy yelled, trying to compose himself, straightening out his shirt and running his hands through his hair. I was giggling so much that I forgot to respond.

Before I knew it, I was sitting on the couch next to Jimmy, still giggling and beginning to gasp for air. "Now seriously woman, what the fuck was that for? I'm never like that when I wake you up in the mornings." Jimmy spoke, his serious tone bringing me out of my laughing fit. I looked into those blue eyes, suddenly losing all the air that I had in my lungs. "I..I don't know.." I trailed off, breaking my vision from him and suddenly finding my hands more than interesting. "Well?" Jimmy asked again, putting his hand under my chin and turning my head towards his. "Well you were still sleeping, I was awake, so I guess I had to. 'Cause I'm going to make coffee and I know you will want some." I answered him, not sure where to take deep breaths. I got up from the couch, walking the short distance to my kitchen as Jimmy followed, taking a seat in one of the chairs at the bench. I flicked the power button on the machine, waiting for it to heat up; before bending down to grab two coffee cups from the cupboard. Standing up with a loud crack, I winced as I placed the cups on the bench.

"What the hell was that?" Jimmy asked, his eyes wide. I sighed, placing my hand over one of my knees, "It was my stupid knees, again. I hate them!" I answered him. "But Cassie, you need your knees, other wise you can't walk! I can't have a crippled friend!" Jimmy spoke in a rushed tone. I just looked at him a shocked look on my face. "What's wrong with crippled people?" I asked. Jimmy hesitated before answering me. "Uh..Uh nothing. Crippled people are awesome. I mean, I just don't know how I could go chasing after Stallion ducks with a crippled person who has no knees.." Jimmy spoke in the most serious tone. I just shook my head and smiled, pouring the hot liquid into the cups and adding the milk.

I walked around to the other side of the bench, taking a seat next to Jimmy. "So what are we doing today small-fry?" Jimmy asked, taking a sip of the steaming coffee. "I was thinking the mall? What about you?" I asked, taking another sip from my cup. "I was thinking the mall too." Jimmy smiled. I jumped up from my chair, striking the superman pose whilst yelling "To the Mall," Jimmy shook his head, telling me to go and get ready, and that he wanted to leave in the next century. I gasped at his accusations of me taking so long to get ready and bounded off to my room.

Getting back to my room, I shut the door and walked into my adjoining bathroom. Flicking the switch on my straightener, I waited for it to heat up, while I brushed my hair and my teeth. Once the device had beeped, I ran it through my hair, sorting out my bangs and giving my hair a slight wavy texture to it. Once I was happy, I turned it off and pulled out my moisturizer and began applying my make-up. I went for something simple but stunning, just a bit of eyeliner and mascara and a nice black pearl eyeshadow; once I was done I walked back out and into my wardrobe. Choosing a pair of ripped denim jeans and my old cropped Korn shirt. I changed the stretchers in my ears and slipped on my ring. Slipping on my heels, I grabbed my sunglasses and my bag before giving myself a once over in the mirror. When I was happy with what I saw I switched the lights off and walked back out into the lounge to find Jimmy passed out on the couch again. Man that boy could go to sleep fast.

"Loser-face, let's go!" I yelled again, slapping my arm against his leg, as I walked over to the door. Jimmy jumped again, and mumbled about me taking centuries to get ready again, but that I looked fantastic. For some reason, Jimmy saying that I looked fantastic made me feel all weird. But in a good way. I wasn't too sure on what to think about it though.
We climbed into Jimmy's car, and headed off to the mall. 'So what are we doing at the mall?" I asked, playing around with the stereo. "I was thinking maybe some lunch ans a bit of shopping." Jimmy replied, I just looked at him, but he kept his eyes on the road.

"Okay, who are you and what the fuck have you done with my best friend?" I asked, leaning back in my chair after settling on a rock radio station, Jimmy just looked at me and shook his head. "I'm the fucking new and improved model!" Jimmy exclaimed, "I'm way better!" he added, turning and pulling into the parking space. I couldn't control the laughter that was building inside of me any longer, I burst out, Jimmy just looking at me and shaking his head. I laughed so much that when I finally managed to climb out the the car I was holding my side because it was in to much pain. "You okay Cass?" Jimmy asked, concern written all over his face, as he came over to me and wrapped his arm around me. The feeling of his skin against my own sent shivers down my spine. "Yeah Jim Jam, I'm alright, I guess I laughed too much is all." I answered him, leaning into his side as we walked to the mall together. 'Alright well I want a drink, and I think you need one too so wait right here while I get us some liquid." Jimmy smiled, triumphantly; before placing a kiss on my forehead and darting into the store.

"Hey there sexy." I heard a gravely voice from behind me. I sighed, turning around and looking at the body who belonged to the voice. I literally gagged when I looked at him. His short stature, added with his pot belly and rounded, unshaven face was disgusting. I rolled my eyes and turned away from him, he was not worth my time. "Hey bitch, I'm talking to you." He spoke again, his gravely voice getting closer to where I was standing. I ignored him, standing on my toes looking around for Jimmy in the store. Clearly noting that I was not paying attention to him the man grabbed a hold of my arm. "Motherfucker! Let her the fuck go now!" Jimmy boomed, appearing at my side. "Make me." were the only words that the man said, before his hand made a vice like grip on my arm, I closed my eyes willing the pain to stop, I could feel his hands digging into my muscles. The next thing I knew his grip was gone, I opened my eyes to see the man lying on the floor with his hand to his face.

"You fucking broke my nose, you asshole!" The guy yelled, cradling his nose. I hid behind Jimmy as he took a step towards him. "What the fuck were you thinking? Putting your hands on her, I should beat the living shit out of you right now." Jimmy yelled. The guy just stared through Jimmy directly to me. I cringed, wrapping my arms around Jimmy's waist and burying my head into his back. "I'll get you for this you bitch!" he yelled again, struggling to get back onto his feet. "Fuck no you won't, if I ever see you in the same area as this young lady again; you are dead." Jimmy spoke, venom lacing each of his words. The guy just laughed it off, blood dripping down his face and onto his shirt, he looked at me again, "I'm not finished with you yet." he added before turning around and stalking off in the other direction. The crowd that we had suddenly pulled was slowly starting to disperse, a few stragglers remained as Jimmy turned and pulled me into the safety of his arms.

"Cass are you okay?" he asked, looking down at me, worry plastered all over his chiseled face. "I'm okay." I replied, resting my head on his chest again. Jimmy wrapped his arms around my shoulders, "Let me see your arm." Jimmy spoke, almost emotionless, I nodded, pulling away from him and lifting up my arm. Jimmy gasped as he looked it over. I furrowed my eyebrows before looking down at my own arm. There were blackening marks appearing in the shape of the man's hand. I studied the developing mark and noticed that there were small spots of blood where his nails had dug into my skin. "Fuck! I am going to kill that motherfucker!" Jimmy boomed, turning around, but before he could take off I wrapped my arm around his waist, "Don't leave me James." I begged, using his proper name. I felt so needy, begging him to stay with me; when I really wanted Jimmy to hunt him down and beat the shit out of him. But I wanted Jimmy with me, I didn't want him to leave my side. Jimmy tightened his grip on me, "I never will." he whispered. I looked up into Jimmy's eyes, and I knew I was safe. I felt stronger, something about today made me feel different, feel more powerful. I just shook the thought from my head as Jimmy grabbed my hand in his as we walked into the direction of the nearest coffee shop.

I was sat in the booth while Jimmy was ordering our drinks. I didn't look around me, my eyes were focused on Jimmy the whole time, watching his every move. Jimmy came back to the table, handing me a large cup of smoldering liquid. I took a sip and let it run through me. I instantly felt better. "How are you feeling honey?" Jimmy asked, taking a sip of his. "I'm okay, I guess. Still shaken a bit though." I sighed, wrapping my hands around the cup. "Do you want to go home?" he asked, I only nodded as Jimmy got up and held out his hand for mine. We walked back to the car, hand in hand and he opened the door for me. We drove back to my apartment in silence, the only noise coming from the purr of the engine. Pulling into the complex parking, Jimmy got out and opened my door for me. I thanked him as we walked up to the elevator. His arm was draped casually over my shoulder as we rode the lift to the eighth floor, no words exchanged, just enjoying one anothers company. Or in my case, Jimmy's security. As we got into my apartment, Jimmy locked the door behind him as I went off to my room and changed into my track pants and a tank top. When I returned Jimmy was sitting on the couch, flicking through the channels on the television.

"Do you wanna watch a movie with me?" I asked, standing awkwardly next to the bookcase that held all of my DVDs. "Sure thing kiddo," Jimmy smiled, "You pick." he added, taking off his shoes and kicking his feet up on the table. I searched through my collection and decided on 'Remember The Titans'. Walking back over to the t.v I placed the DVD into the machine and hit play. Jimmy changed the channel over on the t.v and patted the seat next to him on the couch. I smiled to myself and grabbed a pillow before taking the seat next to him. I lent awkwardly into his side, not wanting to rest all of my body weight onto him, but he had other ideas. Jimmy wrapped his arm around me and pulled me into his side, so that I was practically lying down next to him. I let a smile play on my lips as the credits began rolling for the film, I thought to myself how Jimmy would do so much for me, and never ask for anything in return. That then got me to thinking how he would never do half the things that he does for me, for anyone else. That made me feel somewhat special.

We were about thirty minutes into the movie when I started to drift off to sleep. I felt Jimmy drape his arm around me and place a kiss on my head as I fell asleep. I settled into his side, letting sleep encompass me. My eyes opened what seemed like ages after, but as I blinked trying to focus of the movie I realized that I must have only slept for a little while. I closed my eyes again, before opening them wide and leaning away from Jimmy. "What's wrong?" Jimmy asked, looking worried. "I fell asleep on you, I didn't mean to, you could have just moved me off. I'm sorry." I muttered, holding my head, as it was spinning from the fast movement. "No, no. It's okay, I didn't mind." Jimmy smiled, oh God how I loved that smile. "You were tired, and you had an exhausting day." Jimmy added. "Thanks Jim Jam. I really appreciate you being here." I smiled, getting up from the couch. "Like I said, it's what I'm for." Jimmy smiled at me as I headed off to my bathroom, I needed pain killers, my head was still spinning and my arm was starting to cause me great pain. "How are you feeling honey?" Jimmy asked, appearing in my doorway, I downed the two pills with a glass of water. "I'm alright, my arm hurts like a motherfucker though." I sighed, letting my fingers run over the black bruise.

"Can I look at it?" Jimmy asked, stepping closer to me. I nodded, placing my arm into his waiting hands. Jimmy inspected the injury carefully, not once making it hurt more than it already did. "I think you should go and see a doctor Cass." Jimmy spoke, his voice cracking with concern. "I..I don't want to see a doctor." I blubbered, tears forming in my eyes. Jimmy nodded and pulled me into his arms, letting my soak his shirt with my tears. After what felt like an eternity, and when I thought my supply of tears had been depleted, I managed to find a new set. But these ones weren't of pain or sadness or hurt. They were of joy, happiness and security. "Cass, honey, you okay now?" Jimmy asked, pulling away, his crystalline blue eyes starting back into my own jade green eyes. At that moment it felt like the world had stopped spinning. I felt Jimmy's breath inch closer to my skin, to where his lips were only fraction from my own. I took a deep breath, and waited for the moment I knew would come any second.

Jimmy kissed me, and it felt like there was nothing else in the world apart from us in this moment.

Jimmy was the one to pull away from the kiss, mumbling something to himself as he turned from me and walked out of the room. I was confused, I didn't know what was going on, I was so caught up in the moment that I didn't completely comprehend what was going on. Whether Jimmy wanted this, or if It was just a mistake I wouldn't know, because he just walked away from me. I felt my eyes start to tear up again, as I hit the floor with a thud.

"Cass.." Jimmy started to say, walking back into the room, "Shit, Cassie!" Jimmy said, as he rushed to my side, seeing my lying on the floor. 'Honey what are you doing on the floor?" Jimmy asked, pulling me onto his lap and wrapping his arms around me. I just shrugged, "I'm sorry James." I spoke quietly, my face buried into his chest. "No Cass, you have nothing to be sorry for." Jimmy re-assured me. "I meant to tell you this earlier, but I guess I got caught up in the moment, and screwed everything up." he added, rocking us back and forth on the floor. "What are you talking about?" I asked, pulling my head up and looking into his eyes. "Well I kinda don't know how to say it now. I think I ruined my chances with how I acted before" Jimmy mumbled, looking in the other direction. This was odd, it was rare to see Jimmy acting like this, he was always the guy who had too much to say and was so energetic. "Jimmy," I said, trying to get his attention, "Jimmy, look at me." I said again, grabbing his face between my hands and forcing him to look at me. "Tell me." I added, looking into his eyes. "You didn't ruin anything okay, you made things better." I re-assured him. Honestly I didn't know where this new found confidence was coming from; but I knew I needed to grasp it and take charge.

"Are...Are you sure?" Jimmy hesitated, I just nodded and lent against his side. "So did you maybe want to go out with me sometime?" Jimmy asked nervously, placing a kiss on my head. "Yes James Owen Sullivan, I would love to go on a date with you." I smiled, I felt content. Jimmy was really what I needed, he was like the light in my life that never wanted to burn out. "Great! Now first things first, we need to get some icy shit on your arm, it's starting to freak me out." Jimmy babbled on, flailing his arms all over the place, I just giggled, getting up from his lap and following him towards the kitchen.

Oh how I definitely had James Owen Sullivan as my own.