Status: One Shot
A Place of Hope and No Pain
1/1
Flashback, last month
“Mr. and Mrs. Sanders, can you step out of the room for a minute.” The doctor opened the door for Matt and I. We shared a confused glance but kept our mouths shut. All we wanted to know is what is wrong with Nikole. She’d been having terrible headaches along with seizures.
“Please, spare us the details, we just want to know what’s wrong with Nikole. Please.” My husband pleaded quietly, grasping my small hand in his large, calloused hand. The doctor sighed, closed her eyes, and muttered something.
“Nikole has a central nervous system tumor. We need to send her to a hospital and treatment center in New York. I suggest that one of you goes with her.” A sob escaped my chest as a tear ran down Matt’s cheek.
Our baby had cancer.
I ran my hand through my greasy hair. I hadn’t had time to shower recently due to Nikole’s treatment starting and her father not being here. As Nikole walked in, her appearance ripped my heart apart. Her once shiny brown hair is now thinning out rapidly and was very dull. I looked into Matt’s eyes when I looked at Nikole, her eyes were an exact replica. Now, they were full of suffering and pain.
“Hey, honey! How was treatment?” I asked, pulling her fragile body in for a light embrace. She noticed the weak hug and squeezed me as hard as she could. I pulled away, seeing she was weak from treatment and hugging me that hard.
“It was okay, I guess. When can we talk to Daddy?” she asked eagerly. Being across the country from her father was hard, he was her daddy and if daddy’s not there, nothing will be okay.
“I think we could talk to him later, okay, Nikki? I promise we’ll talk to Daddy tonight! ‘Kay?” I kissed her forehead as she climbed back onto the stark white hospital bed.
I was a little iffy on letting her see him, what if she breaks down crying again? How could I comfort her? Matt’s across the country and comforting through a laptop isn’t most effective on a child. Nurse Rochester came in with a bag of McDonald’s she probably snuck past the front desk and doctors.
“Here you go, Nikki! Shhh, don’t tell or I’ll get in trouble!” the kind nurse whispered, handing the bag to Nikole.
I smiled and sent a text to Matt saying that Nikole wanted to video chat. He replied back with an a-okay and that the guys were going to be there too. Nikole loved the guys. They were like her uncles and when Jimmy was still alive, like her sibling.
Ah fuck, tomorrow’s the 28th and I’m not out in California to go visit his grave. Fuck this shit, Nikole and I are getting out of this hospital and she’s going to spend the rest of her life in Huntington Beach, where she belongs.
&&
“Hey baby girl! How’s NYC treating you?” Matt asked, chuckling when Nikole hugged my laptop in substitute for her father. He hugged the screen back, a sad smile adorning his features.
“It’s too cold here! I wanna come back to Cali! I miss you and Bella!” In the background, Brian scoffed; clearing thinking she was going to say Brian. Tough luck, Haner. Nurse Rochester came back in to check on Nikole, waving to Matt like she does every other time.
“Hey, Nik, can I talk to Mom in private quick? Hon, put in the ear buds. I need to talk to you.” Matt told us. I opened my duffel, pulled out a pair of black ear buds. I plugged them in and took the laptop from Nikole, giving her the ‘one second’ finger.
“Babe, we need you back. Bri did some research about those types of cancers and tumors and you’ve been there for what, a month and a half? She doesn’t have long, Cass. A month at least. Plus, tomorrow’s Jimmy’s…. You know.” He told me solemnly.
“We’d be in and out of the local hospital though an-“
“What’s worse, my two girls being in NYC when Nikole… and for Jimmy’s 2nd anniversary? I don’t fucking think so. Fuck the distance, you should be here. Both of you should.” I opened my mouth to protest, “No. I’ve already talked to the doctors. Your flight leaves in a few hours!”
With that, he disconnected. Nikole’s face was bright with an expression I hadn’t seen in so long: happiness and excitement. I’m guessing Nurse Rochester had told her of the plan. Her IV drip was disconnected and our stuff was packed up. To Huntington Beach we go!
&&
“Daddy!” Nikole screamed as she bolted as fast as she could towards Matt. Tears brimmed in his eyes as he picked her up and squeezed her tightly, crying into her shoulder.
Damn, he’s perfect. I sauntered up to Matt and hugged him tightly. Here is where we belonged, one little happy family. At least, I was little until Brian, Vanessa, Zack, Skylar, Johnny, and Laura joined our hug. Now we were one big ass happy family. Just the way we liked it.
“Come on, guys. Let’s get Nikki home.” Matt said, pulling out of the hug and heading back to the Escalade. The rest of the guys and their girls piled into Brian’s matching Escalade and we headed to our house.
At the house, Nikole rushed to her room and flopped on her bed, leaving me to follow her and put her stuff away. I heard her mumble momma and turned to see her crying.
“What’s wrong, Nikki?” I asked, cuddling her into my arms. She sniffled and hugged me back.
“Am I going to die?” What do I say to that?! How do I tell my little girl that she’s going to die in a month or so?
“A month?”
“I said that aloud? Oh I’m sorry baby. I really am.”
“It’s okay, Mom. Everybody’s gotta die sometime” she smirked at her quote. I giggled and pulled her closer.
“I can’t believe you just quoted A Little Piece of Heaven. Freakazoid.”
Brian knocked on the door and opened his arms, Nikole rushing into them. He was like a second dad and spoiled her almost as much as Matt did. I clapped Brian’s shoulder and went down the hall to Matt and I’s room to unpack.
I was in there not three minutes when Brian rushed in, panicking.
“S-something’s wrong with Nikki.”
I yelled the same sentence through the house as I rushed to her room. She was on the floor, convulsing. Matt pushed past me as I sank to the floor. Nikki looked at us all before smiling and whispering: “’I know you’ll find your own way when I’m not with you tonight” and going still.
It was silent before Vanessa’s sob ripped through the silence. Skylar, Laura, Vanessa, and I sat in the corner of the room, crying as paramedics rushed in and put her on a gurney. A pulse was taken, none was found.
My baby girl was dead. My little Nikole was dead. I looked at the clock. It was 12:30 am. It was the second anniversary of Jimmy’s death. Nikole died on the day Jimmy died. She sang lyrics to Fiction. It’s like she knew death was coming for her.
I stood up abruptly and ran to my room, pulling out a pen and paper.
Jimmy I wrote, Take care of Nikole. and threw the note out the window, the breeze carrying it away.
A voice inside my head said ‘don’t worry, Cass. I’ll always take care of Nikki.’ I knew he got the letter.
“Mr. and Mrs. Sanders, can you step out of the room for a minute.” The doctor opened the door for Matt and I. We shared a confused glance but kept our mouths shut. All we wanted to know is what is wrong with Nikole. She’d been having terrible headaches along with seizures.
“Please, spare us the details, we just want to know what’s wrong with Nikole. Please.” My husband pleaded quietly, grasping my small hand in his large, calloused hand. The doctor sighed, closed her eyes, and muttered something.
“Nikole has a central nervous system tumor. We need to send her to a hospital and treatment center in New York. I suggest that one of you goes with her.” A sob escaped my chest as a tear ran down Matt’s cheek.
Our baby had cancer.
I ran my hand through my greasy hair. I hadn’t had time to shower recently due to Nikole’s treatment starting and her father not being here. As Nikole walked in, her appearance ripped my heart apart. Her once shiny brown hair is now thinning out rapidly and was very dull. I looked into Matt’s eyes when I looked at Nikole, her eyes were an exact replica. Now, they were full of suffering and pain.
“Hey, honey! How was treatment?” I asked, pulling her fragile body in for a light embrace. She noticed the weak hug and squeezed me as hard as she could. I pulled away, seeing she was weak from treatment and hugging me that hard.
“It was okay, I guess. When can we talk to Daddy?” she asked eagerly. Being across the country from her father was hard, he was her daddy and if daddy’s not there, nothing will be okay.
“I think we could talk to him later, okay, Nikki? I promise we’ll talk to Daddy tonight! ‘Kay?” I kissed her forehead as she climbed back onto the stark white hospital bed.
I was a little iffy on letting her see him, what if she breaks down crying again? How could I comfort her? Matt’s across the country and comforting through a laptop isn’t most effective on a child. Nurse Rochester came in with a bag of McDonald’s she probably snuck past the front desk and doctors.
“Here you go, Nikki! Shhh, don’t tell or I’ll get in trouble!” the kind nurse whispered, handing the bag to Nikole.
I smiled and sent a text to Matt saying that Nikole wanted to video chat. He replied back with an a-okay and that the guys were going to be there too. Nikole loved the guys. They were like her uncles and when Jimmy was still alive, like her sibling.
Ah fuck, tomorrow’s the 28th and I’m not out in California to go visit his grave. Fuck this shit, Nikole and I are getting out of this hospital and she’s going to spend the rest of her life in Huntington Beach, where she belongs.
&&
“Hey baby girl! How’s NYC treating you?” Matt asked, chuckling when Nikole hugged my laptop in substitute for her father. He hugged the screen back, a sad smile adorning his features.
“It’s too cold here! I wanna come back to Cali! I miss you and Bella!” In the background, Brian scoffed; clearing thinking she was going to say Brian. Tough luck, Haner. Nurse Rochester came back in to check on Nikole, waving to Matt like she does every other time.
“Hey, Nik, can I talk to Mom in private quick? Hon, put in the ear buds. I need to talk to you.” Matt told us. I opened my duffel, pulled out a pair of black ear buds. I plugged them in and took the laptop from Nikole, giving her the ‘one second’ finger.
“Babe, we need you back. Bri did some research about those types of cancers and tumors and you’ve been there for what, a month and a half? She doesn’t have long, Cass. A month at least. Plus, tomorrow’s Jimmy’s…. You know.” He told me solemnly.
“We’d be in and out of the local hospital though an-“
“What’s worse, my two girls being in NYC when Nikole… and for Jimmy’s 2nd anniversary? I don’t fucking think so. Fuck the distance, you should be here. Both of you should.” I opened my mouth to protest, “No. I’ve already talked to the doctors. Your flight leaves in a few hours!”
With that, he disconnected. Nikole’s face was bright with an expression I hadn’t seen in so long: happiness and excitement. I’m guessing Nurse Rochester had told her of the plan. Her IV drip was disconnected and our stuff was packed up. To Huntington Beach we go!
&&
“Daddy!” Nikole screamed as she bolted as fast as she could towards Matt. Tears brimmed in his eyes as he picked her up and squeezed her tightly, crying into her shoulder.
Damn, he’s perfect. I sauntered up to Matt and hugged him tightly. Here is where we belonged, one little happy family. At least, I was little until Brian, Vanessa, Zack, Skylar, Johnny, and Laura joined our hug. Now we were one big ass happy family. Just the way we liked it.
“Come on, guys. Let’s get Nikki home.” Matt said, pulling out of the hug and heading back to the Escalade. The rest of the guys and their girls piled into Brian’s matching Escalade and we headed to our house.
At the house, Nikole rushed to her room and flopped on her bed, leaving me to follow her and put her stuff away. I heard her mumble momma and turned to see her crying.
“What’s wrong, Nikki?” I asked, cuddling her into my arms. She sniffled and hugged me back.
“Am I going to die?” What do I say to that?! How do I tell my little girl that she’s going to die in a month or so?
“A month?”
“I said that aloud? Oh I’m sorry baby. I really am.”
“It’s okay, Mom. Everybody’s gotta die sometime” she smirked at her quote. I giggled and pulled her closer.
“I can’t believe you just quoted A Little Piece of Heaven. Freakazoid.”
Brian knocked on the door and opened his arms, Nikole rushing into them. He was like a second dad and spoiled her almost as much as Matt did. I clapped Brian’s shoulder and went down the hall to Matt and I’s room to unpack.
I was in there not three minutes when Brian rushed in, panicking.
“S-something’s wrong with Nikki.”
I yelled the same sentence through the house as I rushed to her room. She was on the floor, convulsing. Matt pushed past me as I sank to the floor. Nikki looked at us all before smiling and whispering: “’I know you’ll find your own way when I’m not with you tonight” and going still.
It was silent before Vanessa’s sob ripped through the silence. Skylar, Laura, Vanessa, and I sat in the corner of the room, crying as paramedics rushed in and put her on a gurney. A pulse was taken, none was found.
My baby girl was dead. My little Nikole was dead. I looked at the clock. It was 12:30 am. It was the second anniversary of Jimmy’s death. Nikole died on the day Jimmy died. She sang lyrics to Fiction. It’s like she knew death was coming for her.
I stood up abruptly and ran to my room, pulling out a pen and paper.
Jimmy I wrote, Take care of Nikole. and threw the note out the window, the breeze carrying it away.
A voice inside my head said ‘don’t worry, Cass. I’ll always take care of Nikki.’ I knew he got the letter.
♠ ♠ ♠
1,283 words.