My Guardian Vampire

I gave Gerard a blank stare, waiting patiently to start. He closed his eyes and breathed for a moment, and then began to sing:

“Turn away,
If you could get me a drink
Of water 'cause my lips are chapped and faded
Call my Aunt Marie
Help her gather all my things
And bury me in all my favorite colors,
My sisters and my brothers, still,
I will not kiss you,
'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you.

Now turn away,
'Cause I'm awful just to see
'Cause all my hairs abandoned all my body,
Oh, my agony,
Know that I will never marry,
Baby, I'm just soggy from the chemo
But counting down the days to go
It just ain't living
And I just hope you know

That if you say
Goodbye today
I'd ask you to be true

'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you
'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you.”

I looked at Gerard for a moment after he was done, feeling odd. I then felt the wetness of tears on my face, but did not touch them. Gerard looked at first shocked, then sad. He had never seen me cry from a song before, and must have figured the song had hurt me. Before he could utter a word, I leaned over and hugged him quickly, breathing him and his beautiful self in.

“Thank you,” I murmured, tears still flowing down my face. “Sing it again.”

He wrapped his arms around me and complied, rubbing my back and petting my hair soothingly as he did so. He also rocked me softly as I held onto him, the motion combined with his voice almost alluring me into a haunting sleep. For a few moments, it was just him and I again. He was casting his spell all over again, and I fell under it dreamily. This song did not need the others to make it work; this song was purely between me and him, something designed for myself to soothe me in my pain. It was completely and wonderfully selfish, and something I desperately needed. I didn’t need to hear the bullshit that everything would be okay. I didn’t need to be lied to. Gerard knew what I needed to hear was that it could be worse, that we would at least have each other, which many did not have. And that was all I needed.

“Okay, I’m done now,” I laughed as he finished the last lines of the song. As the song was short, he had sung it a number of times, over and over. I leaned away from him and dried my eyes, smiling. I gave Gerard a kiss, and then leaned back in the chair. I looked up at Mike and Tré, both of whom were watching us two. I blushed lightly, embarrassed that they just watched that.

“Sorry about having to sit through that, guys,” I laughed, rubbing the back of my head.

“No problem,” Mike said, looking away. He looked like it had been a problem for him. I mentally shrugged the thought off, figuring he hated PDA just like me. A cell phone then rang, jarring my thoughts further. I picked it up.

“Hello?” I asked. It was the same phone Billie had slipped into my pocket all those months ago, and I was always unsure of who exactly had that number. I occasionally received strange calls, people assuming I was Billie and had any idea what they were talking about.

“Hey!” the chipper voice rang through. “It’s Frankie. Can we come up and visit you? Brittany’s…” he paused, and then whispered into the phone: “having a hormonal freak-out-“

”I am not freaking out!” I heard being yelled in the background. I could practically hear Frankie’s wince.

“She also has super fucking bat hearing. So can we come over? She wants to see you.”

I laughed into the phone.

“Hold on a second, I just have to ask the all-knowing genie.” I looked up at Mike and held the phone away from my mouth for a moment. “Hey, Mike, can the gang come over?” Mike seemed to think about it for a moment, and then nodded. I brought the receiver end towards my face once again. “Yes, you guys can come.”

“Thank god!” Frankie enthused, and then I heard the dial tone. I shrugged and hung up the phone.

“It’ll probably take them a few minutes to get here, so you have to decide quickly, Ali,” Mike said, looking at me. “Do you want to tell them? It will be very difficult if you do not, as you will have to not think of it-“

“I want to tell them,” I interrupted. Mike nodded grimly, and Gerard grabbed my hand and squeezed it. We all seemed to know that telling my friends was going to be difficult. Tré moved off and I lied on the bed, trying to sum up the courage to do what I knew I had to do. A few minutes later, a knock came at the door.

“Don’t come in yet,” Gerard called out. He looked to me. “I’m going to ask that they don’t read your mind first, as that is the first thing they may do. They’re worried about what is wrong with you.” I nodded, and Gerard walked over to the door, and opened it. Frankie, at the front of the group with Brittany, went to walk inside, probably wanting to get his hormonal girlfriend to relax as soon as possible. Gerard however stopped him, holding his hand up in a pause.

“Guys, before you come in, Ali has something to tell you. She and I ask that you do not read any of our minds before she gets a chance to do it hersel-“

“Too late,” Frankie said, and then looked at me with wide, surprised eyes. It seemed to take him a moment to respond, his face blank and then suddenly extremely apologetic. “I’m so sorry Ali, I didn’t mean to-“

“It’s okay Frankie,” I said, smiling weakly at him. I saw everyone that did not know give questioning glances, but as none of their faces looked surprised, I knew they were most likely respecting my request. Frankie then let go of Brittany’s hand and separated himself for the first time since she was pregnant, leaving her and everyone else in the room stunned. He walked over and hugged me.

“I’m so sorry Ali,” Frankie repeated as he hugged me. “I never dreamed this could have happened to you. Holy fucking shit.”

“Frankie?” Brittany asked in a worried tone. I let go of Frankie and he went back to Brittany.

“Come here babe,” he said as he sat down in a chair and pulled her on top of him. He hugged her close as she sat on his lap, knowing of what would come.

Gerard rubbed my arm and squeezed my hand again, signaling that this was probably the time to tell.

I took in a deep breath as I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to collect my thoughts. When surrounded by all of your friends, your family-

My family.

They didn’t even know. My parents didn’t know that they were going to be grandparents, that their daughter was here, lying on a hospital bed, possibly dying.

I shook off the thought, knowing my second family was waiting. Like I had originally started off thinking, when surrounded by all of your friends and family, there is only one way to start this horror show off:

“I have cancer.”