My Guardian Vampire

I now sat on the couch once again. They hadn't exactly said I could leave, but I demanded it. There was no way I was going to sit in a hospital bed, doing nothing, even if I was possibly dying. Gerard was, in fact, gone. Kidnapped. Who knows what had happened the first time he disappeared; we never even got to talk about it. It was so clear that now it was the first attempt at him being taken. Now they had come to us, shown their face, talked, given us a freaking card-

I turned the card over in my hands and sighed. Fucking Vincent Stardust. No one could make out the adress no matter what we had tried. It was probably a fake one anyways. Mike and Tré had tried to run after him, but the man had completely vanished by the time the two had got moving.

I was now alone. Mostly everyone now organizing a search party, trying to find this Vincent and why he would want Gerard, and the rest asleep. I couldn’t believe this was happening. There was a sense of total emptiness and despair hanging on my shoulders. I just wanted to start screaming “What the fuck?” over and over again until my lungs started to bleed. I had been given so much, and yet it kept getting taken away from me. This wasn’t even…

I was going to say it wasn’t my fault, but I’m sure in some way it was. Gerard wasn’t the one that had enemies, that was me. I was the reason he was kidnapped, God knows what happening to him-

I leaned forward and put my face in my hands and began to cry. I cried so much in these situations, but it was just something I couldn’t control. I felt so alone, and stupid, and guilty, I didn’t know what I should do. I was starting to think Gerard and I weren’t meant to be together after all if everything kept tearing us apart…

“Hey,” Mike said, sitting down next to me, bringing me out of my thoughts. He put his arm around me. “Please don’t cry. Everything will be all right. I can’t stand to see you cry.”

“Sorry,” I murmured as I tried to wipe the tears off my face, though it came out more like "shuhshry," my chest collapsing in on itself. I began to feel the throws of hysterics at my system, unable to deal with the sheer force of grief upon me. Mike picked me up, cradling me like a giant newborn, and walked down into a hallway. Eventually he opened a door and I felt myself being placed on something soft.

I then shifted onto my side and curled into a ball, trying to keep myself safe from the world. Mike rubbed my back for a while, and I eventually calmed down enough to make comprehendable words.

“Sorry," I restated, "I’m just kind of in panic attack mode here. I have no idea what to do, or why this keeps happening. I’m starting to think that someone, somewhere, is deciding that I’m not supposed to be with Gerard." Mike paused in the backrubbing, as if something had struck him, but I continued while I was still able to speak. "It’s like… I know that I love him. With all of my heart and soul. But it seems like the more and longer I love him, the more and worse things keep happening to him. But when I left… Bad things happened too, so what am I supposed to do?”

“I…Don’t know the answer to that question, Ali,” Mike said. I turned around to look at him, and he then looked down before continuing to speak. “I think that if you’re both determined to get through all these things, then it’s meant to be. I don’t know. I’m a big believer in fate. I have to be, or I’d just give up. The girl I love…the one I was told to love… I can’t go after her, or it would ruin her. Her and her entire life.

"And it’s so messed up. I don’t know how to break this thing over me. I didn’t even know who she was for the longest time. But then I met her, and…” he looked up at me, his eyes clouded over, “and she loved someone else. So I had to keep distancing myself from her, but I’d do and say things and just bring myself back into the horror that I’ve had to endure. And one day, Billie gave me the order not to tell her that I loved her. He thought it would be best. But it kills me whenever I have to see her. It feels like I’m truly in love with her. I just want to kiss her and be there with her forever, and only her, as sappy and fucking dumb as that sounds.” I shook my head no, unable to tell him that it didn’t sound sappy at all. I felt so badly for Mike, my friend. He was probably my best guy friend, one that had understood me so well. I then felt a surge of anger both at myself and this girl: Myself, for being too wrapped up in my own problems to really talk to him, and the girl for not realizing what she could have. He looked down, and started to cry, jerking me out of my thoughts.

“But I know it isn’t right. And I wish I would die, most days. But I have to keep believing that there’s someone else for me, the real person I’m supposed to be in love with, if it’s anyone. I have to believe there’s a reason for this, for my torture. Or I’d never be able to handle it, not for one second.”

“Oh my god, Mike,” I said. “I can’t believe you…you had to go through all of this. And yet, you still helped me, helped all of us. I can’t even…I can’t even describe what I’m feeling right now. Mike, I wish I could make it better for you. Tell her you love her. Especially if it makes you feel better…”

I trailed as Mike’s head turn, and I saw his teary eyes. There were filled with such a hate I had never seen before.

“That was an order, Ali. You shouldn’t have done that.”

“Mike, I’m sorry, I didn’t know, I’ll take it ba-”

It was then that my mind went completely blank, my senses scrambled and fumbling for logic. For a few moments I could not feel or see or hear anything, nothing making sense to me.

Mike then pulled away, but from what my mind wouldn’t comprehend.

“I’m so very sorry,” he said, but leaned in again. He broke away, and my mind started to get up to speed. “I love you, Ali.”

That sent my mind back into shutdown mode. He then leaned over, and I finally realized what he was doing:

Kissing me.

I then pushed him away, freaking out.

“Mike, holy shit, I-”

He then looked up at me with the saddest eyes I had seen on him, and almost anyone. I understood then what torture he was truly in, and how badly this was hurting him.

“Please, Ali, just let me do this.”