My Guardian Vampire

“What?” I asked, my brow furrowing. “How would you know that? And what the fuck just happened?” Ah, I missed the sound of my own voice… Or, at least the sound of my voice no longer chanting “na.”

“Vampires only have so much influence,” Mike explained. “There are a lot of variables to it—some have natural “talent,” some have more age, or more experience…” He then paused, as if thinking. “Some vampires are so powerful, the range of their control can extend throughout an entire boundary. It’s difficult to explain if you can’t feel it yourself, but head vampires tend to naturally have a large territory, surrounded by a border around them. Other normal vampires usually can’t extend their influence from one territory to the next because of this border. It’s like a natural evolved protection—it would be too easy for one vampire to simply push influence on many and start wars, without the other side ever knowing who was actually controlling them. Vincent must be powerful to have you go all the way to the border to escape him—but isn’t so powerful that he can surpass it. That’s good to know.”

“Okay…” I trailed, not really understanding. “I guess I’m glad to be free of it—but I can’t stay here forever.”

“I know. I was a bit worried that Damien was the one doing it, but now we know it’s only Vincent—otherwise, I’m sure Damien could have just done it himself. We can go to Damien, inform him, and maybe even get his help.” I nodded, and relaxed back in my seat. I wondered why Vincent would do all this—what was the point?

“Are we sure it’s not Damien?”

“We’re not sure,” Mike agreed. “But… Damien isn’t really a bad guy, as pompous as he is. While he might be worried about power, he’d never go to such lengths just to attain it. In fact, there are a lot of times he could have had more power—but stepped down, thinking others, including Billie Joe, would be better suited. Even when he was marrying you and Billie, he only did it because he trusted Billie, and thought it was best. Plus, he could’ve just kept Gerard in his territory instead of ours.” Mike then shrugged. “So… Let’s be cautious. But I can’t see him behind this.”

“Damien actually did a lot for us,” Tré added. “So we don’t want to think badly of him.” I nodded, sighing. All right, need to keep options open. “What were you dreaming of, anyway?”

“Oh right!” I said, sitting up some, Katy and Mike having to help me. “I… I think Gerard was telling me to not come for him, that it was dangerous. But…” I trailed, wondering how to form such an experience into words. “It was like… He wasn’t sure who he was, I think. They might be messing with his mind.” I cringed, and then turned, looking to Mike. He looked very tired. “What might they be doing to him?”

Mike’s frown twitched. “Well… I don’t know. I don’t know a lot about them. But they’re likely keeping him confused, so he has less chance of escaping.” Katy rubbed my back.

“Ali, he’ll be okay. You said you used to go through that too, right? When Billie made you forget your past? It didn’t sound painful, so hopefully he’s just confused.” I turned and smiled at her, thankful for her support, but I wasn’t so sure.

I heard Bob grumble something, and Katy kicked his seat. I furrowed my brow, looking at them both, missing on what was said.

“What’d you say, sorry?” I asked. I couldn’t see his expression, but he white-knuckled the steering wheel for a moment before he spoke.

“I said that it’ll be painful when he finds out what you did,” he said. Katy’s mouth opened.

“Bob!”

I felt a twinge in my heart, and found myself unable to look at Mike for a moment. It was then I felt a small kick to my gut—the baby? My backbone? Whatever it was, I sat up some, and looked at Bob through the rearview mirror. We caught eyes. “Bob, stop the car,” I said.

“Ali?” Katy asked, worry on her face. “Let’s not get into this here and now-” she started, but Bob suddenly pulled over again. He got out, slamming the door. Katy crossed her arms, refusing to move—but then Mike got out, helping me to do the same. I was mildly surprised, but turned my focus on Bob. We moved aways from the car, and Mike began to follow, but I held my hand up.

“Please stay there Mike,” I said, stressing the fact it was not an order. Mike nodded. Bob and I walked a few feet more away from the car before facing each other. The side of the road was dusty with kicked-up gravel, the cars that shot by us creating small pulses of air. Feeling a little off-keel with a bigger center than normal, I held onto the metal fence that separated us from the road.

“Let’s have this out, Bob,” I said, staring at him. As sweet as he was—Bob could be scary when mad, but I wasn’t afraid.

“Have what out? There’s nothing to have out—you cheated on one of my best friends. I don’t care about the circumstance. I don’t care how sorry you say you are. You’ve hurt him.”

“Have I?” I asked, my brow furrowing. Bob gave me a ‘no fucking shit you have’ look, but I pressed on. “Gerard’s always been a little jealous, but he’d understand. He’d know Mike would never betray our trust, that it wasn’t part of him he could control—and he’d know I love him enough to never do that. What’s more, I know you know that. So what’s this really about?”

“You… You keep fucking things up Ali!” Bob suddenly yelled, his face instantly sparking into red. Okay, that one hurt. I blinked. His look softened, and he sighed before he went to speak. “Look…”

“No,” I interrupted. I grit my teeth through the few stabs of pain going through my heart. “You’re right. Go on, and say what you want to say.”

“I know you’ve been through a lot of shit, Ali, but this can’t just keep happening. I’m not going to pretend to know what’s going on with you, or why—” he then exhaled again. “But… It’s taking so much out of everyone. I love you as much as I would my own flesh and blood by now, but that doesn’t mean I can stand by and watch the toll it’s been taking on our family. Katy’s been looking sick—and she’s put her whole life on hold for you. Everyone’s been delaying life, for you. And with Mikey and Grace gone… Well, with everything else that happened before, I thought we could champion the world. Our family, all together. But now, if we all fall apart for good…” He then ran a hand through his hair, shaggy blonde combed by his fingers. “I just don’t know. It’s been hard enough being a vampire. I lost all my old family when I came into this life. I don’t want to lose this family too, Ali.”

There were a lot of things I wanted to do in that moment. It crumbled my heart—enough that I felt myself want to weep. Enough that I heard the echoes of years of abuse float up in the back of my mind—look how terrible you are, fucking things up. Look how much hurt you’ve caused. You don’t just have a cancer—you are cancer.

But… There was another voice there. One that, time and time again, had helped me take down those thoughts—one that had given me the strength to combat them. I took a deep breath, and nodded, feeling the tinges of bad thoughts retreat as I steeled myself. I was getting better.

“I know, Bob,” I said, and looked up to him. “I’ve been selfish, and I’ve been unfair. If you and Katy need to go—not only do I understand, but I encourage it. I want you all to be happy. And I get it if you need to leave to do that.”

Bob seemed to relax a bit at this. “I don’t know how Katy will take it—but I think this is best. However, there’s one other thing…” I raised my brow. I felt I had been fairly calm about this, but there was only so much I could take. He stepped forward, placing his hand on my shoulder. My mind flashed to the hundreds of times Bob had put his arm around me since I knew him—and this action now felt alien, uncomfortable.

“Yes, Bob?”

“We all really think you should tell your parents you’re alive.”

I was stunned. Horrified, even. And at that time, there was only one thing I could say in response:

“Fuck off, Bob.”

I smacked his hand off of me and moved away, more furious and ever. ‘Fuck that shit. Fuck that shit to hell and back.’

With that, I was done. Bob apparently wasn’t, trailing after me. “Just think it over, Ali. I know they’ve done a lot of wrong-”

“You have no idea what the fuck they’ve done,” I hissed, spinning around, hitting his chest with my palm. I didn’t expect it to hurt him—but he looked stunned for a moment. I took a breath, trying to calm myself. “I know you don’t know, and I’m sorry. If you did know, really know, then you wouldn’t be asking me that. So I’m trying not to get mad at you here. I know you mean well.” There was a deep fire raging within me at the thought, but I tried to keep it tamed. I closed my eyes.

“You’re right, I don’t know. But… You’re going to be a parent soon, Ali. You’ll want to teach him forgiveness, no?”

I paused—I froze.

Him?

Bob’s eyes widened, and his mouth dropped.

“No. Nonono, I swear, I don’t know that for sure. I made sure Mike wouldn’t tell me so I wouldn’t give it away.”

“Then… Then why did you say him, Bob?” I looked back at him. For a moment, caught off guard, I almost felt at the same place I was with Bob back before this all started—funny, flustered Bob. He shook his head.

“I swear, I promise, I don’t know.”

“Bob.” I could’ve sliced through his liprings with that tone.

“I just… I just have a weird feeling. I don’t know. I’m sorry.”

“That’s okay,” I said, smiling weakly, suddenly feeling drained. “You’re not certain.” His blue eyes looked doubtful—as if he was certain, but he said nothing to it. I looked down at my stomach, and placed my hand over it. Thinking of it as either gender… Felt weird. Like it was more real, more immediate. And that… I’m not sure was a good thing.

‘I’ll… I’ll do everything I can to keep you safe.’

“Let’s get back in the car,” Bob said, rubbing the back of his head. I nodded wordlessly, and moved back with him. Mike opened the door for me, and let me get back inside. We buckled in.

“Mike,” I said, looking straight ahead, “please don’t look at me, or give me any sign to confirm or disconfirm what I’m about to talk about.” I then took a breath. “My baby boy… Now that I think I know it’s a he, I’m worried I can’t save him. The possibility of losing him feels much more immediate. I…” My voice caught in my throat. “I don’t want to lose him. I can’t.”

“Boy, girl, or other, you won’t, Ali,” Mike said. I suddenly felt a hand placed on mine, and looked over. Katy was rubbing my hand gently, and gave me an encouraging smile. I couldn’t face Bob’s eyes in the rearview; I just leaned over and hugged her instead.

“Okay, Bob,” I said, taking a deep breath. “Time to see Damien.”

It was another few hours to Jersey. Again—whether it was because of the cancer, the baby, the emotional turmoil, or something else—I fell asleep, pulled under by a force stronger than any lullabye.

And, once again, I heard a familiar voice…