My Guardian Vampire

We made our way back not long after, largely silent. I couldn’t stop my mind from racing with indecision: could I trust Mike? Could I afford not to? It seemed wrong to even question him, but the more I thought about it, the more it chipped at my image of him. One thing kept me at bay, though I felt slimy thinking about it.

‘Mike loves me. Forced, or not, he at least has a very strong attachment. He wouldn’t lie to me, or let me get hurt… Would he?’

The slimy feeling dissolved, leaving a cold, wanting nothing in my stomach. I clutched the envelope, which I had stuffed into my pocket. Looking at Mike, he seemed just as deep in troubled thought as I was. I wanted to say something—anything—but couldn’t force my mouth to open. We made our way inside, and I grabbed a fork from the kitchen before walking over and collapsing onto the couch. Mike immediately walked off towards his room, without a word. I attempted to shrug it off, putting all thoughts away and instead focusing on relaxing and food.

“Stupid pregnancy,” I mumbled, kicking off my shoes, my feet feeling swollen. I then quickly dug into the meal, taking bite after bite and nearly moaning from the hunger relief. Tré came in, saw my expression, and instantly smiled wide.

“Wanna pickle?” he asked, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. I lowered my fork from my mouth, mid-bite.

“Is… That an innuendo? Your face says yes, but…”

“I thought all pregnant women craved weird things like pickles? I went out and got some for you,” he said, walking over to the fridge and opening it, before revealing a jar. Seeing it, my heart warmed, displacing some of the anxiety that had settled in there, nice and neat.
“Tré, that is so nice. I can’t say I’ve had cravings at all, no. But you bet I’m going to go to town on those bad boys next time I’m hungry.” Tré brightened immediately; he might as well have been a kid who just got top place on the fridge for their drawing.

“No cravings though, huh? Your pregnancy is a weird one.”

“Tell me about it,” I muttered, though with a slight smile behind it. Tré was then gone, his attention not held for long in any one place as usual. I thought Mike would have disappeared for the night, but he stepped out into the living room once more, surprisingly enough. I kept eating, the air feeling oddly tense between us—or maybe that was just my suspicion at it again. Mike seemed to hesitate before walking over and sitting down on the chair adjacent to my position on the couch. He was silent for a moment, seeming to watch me eat. Slightly concerned (and weirded out), I decided to break the silence.

“Food on your mind?” I asked, offering the to-go container to him. I knew it didn’t actually satiate, but I figured it wouldn’t hurt to offer. Mike stared for a moment longer, as if not comprehending my words, before snapping out of whatever trance he was in.

“No, and no thank you,” he said, shaking his hand. “I was wondering… How is the baby doing?”

The question caused me to look down, as if I could see it through my stomach. “Ah… Fine, I suppose. I can’t tell whether it likes Thai food or just is happy to eat, but I can feel a lot of movement. Wanna feel?”

Mike looked stunned once again, and before I could regret asking, nodded. He inched closer to me, leaning forward on his seat before placing his hand against my lower stomach. As if sensing the touch, I felt a small kick towards Mike’s hand—slightly painful for me, but made Mike’s whole face light up.

“It kicked me!” I hadn’t seen Mike so gleefully expressive before, his face astonished with a smile. I laughed, placing my hand over his on my stomach and nodding.

“Better watch out; it’s a fighter. Boy or girl or anything in between or otherwise, I hope it grows to be strong, but kind.”

“It will,” Mike said, his expression softening. “It has you for a mother—plus a great extended family. Tré can teach it playfulness, Brittany can teach it outspokenness, Katy can teach it intelligence-”

“And you can teach it heart,” I continued, smiling warmly at him. Mike’s expression froze, before he slipped his hand away. I looked at him with concern, but once again couldn’t force my mouth open to speak, the emptiness returning and robbing me of words.

“Everything is going to be fine, Ali,” Mike said, standing up. “Make sure to take care of the little one, and try not to worry about anything, alright?” He then walked off, back towards his room.

“Mike…?” He paused in his walk and looked back at me, his glance questioning. “How’s the search going?”

“I… I’ll let you know as soon as I find anything at all. I haven’t had a lead yet.” Mike then looked away, continuing his walk.

“But Mike…” I called, but he didn’t turn. The emptiness in my stomach grew, sucking down more complacency and leaving anxiety in its place. I took a deep breath, trying to take his words to heart. ‘No,’ I thought, ‘I’ll trust my friends. I’ve made them sacrifice too much not to trust them. Time to put this stuff behind me.’

I resolved to do just that, driving all anxiety down within for the moment. For the next few hours, I forced myself to just be human for a while. I sat there, watching TV, finishing my food, texting on my phone—small, stupid, wonderful activities. It let me reset myself. It let me breathe. Most importantly, it let me spend time with the small being inside me, without interruption of thought. In a way, there was a small fear that had began since my diagnosis, of getting attached to it and having my heart ripped away if we were unable to save it—but I couldn’t stop it. With every nudge and movement, I couldn’t ignore the part of me that was now come to life…

It was then that I knew I’d do whatever it took to save it.

It was on that note I decided to expand on my alone time with the baby and explore the outside world, just it and I. Still a little unnerved by the encounter on the way to the Thai restaurant, I opted to go to the roof instead of outside. I shrugged on a jacket and took to the task of climbing the stairs—a lot harder than I remembered, especially with a few extra pounds attached to my front. Once I made it all the way up, practically gasping with my body’s effort, I pushed the door open and stumbled to the outside.

It was snowing.

I instantly felt calmed by the sight, despite the cold. Snow had gathered on the roof, making everything clean, singular—pure. People often thought of snow and winter as death, as endings—but I could never share the thought. To me, it seemed like the opposite—winter was the time of beginnings. Fall was the one that deadened the world in splendor, and winter was the start of the new. Sure, during spring, things would be born—but it was winter that cleaned the world out and made anew. Our child, hopefully born not long from now, would be born out of this winter that had cleaned out the past. It would have its own future.

The sun had already begun to rise while I was outside, and I began to feel the drowsiness of my altered sleep cycle pull at me. Yawning, I was about to turn in, when I heard the door behind me open. Turning around, I expected to see Brittany or Casey—but instead, found James. The moment I spotted him by the door, he was suddenly in front of me, grabbing my shoulders hard.

“James?! It’s sunrise, get back insid-“

“Ali, Mike has betrayed you. He knows where Gerard is and hasn’t even tried to get him out.

“What..?” I asked, bewildered. Flashes of Vincent popped into my head. “How… How do you know that?”

“Quiet down, and wait here,” he said, turning me around by my shoulders to face the sunrise. After a few seconds pause with nothing happening, I shrugged off his hold. “James, you’re a new vampire, you have to be burn-”

“Here!” he said, and was suddenly at the door, slamming it closed. Before I could process, I heard a large crash, and Mike and James were on the floor, both groaning softly.

“Fucking shit,” Mike cursed, rubbing his head as he sat up—I assumed they had collided somehow? Looking at James, he quickly stood. “What’re you doing out here? It’s sunrise. Get back-”

“Mike?” I asked. Mike’s head snapped towards me, and his expression dropped into shock. “What’re you doing outside? And why wouldn’t you just come through the front door?”

“He’s been sneaking around, leaving through the roof so we wouldn’t see him come in,” James said, standing and looking pale. “I have to go inside. Don’t let this go, Ali. You know what I told you.” In the next instant, James was gone. Turning my attention back to Mike, his eyes were shifted to the door, as if he wanted to escape—or go after James.

“What’s… What’s he talking about, Mike? Why were you out here?”

“I… Maybe we should go back inside, Ali. It’s cold-”

“Please tell me the truth, Mike,” I said, my voice catching in my throat. I was still in disbelief, firm in my denial that it couldn’t be true. “If you’re not up to anything, just tell me.”

“I…” Mike began, his hand on the door. “I… Think this can be talked about inside.”

“Michael,” I said, feeling a small stab at my heart from his hesitance. “Stay out here and talk to me. What’s this about Battery City? Do you know where Gerard is?

“That was an order, Ali,” Mike said, his expression growing colder. Before I could take it back, he continued. “Battery City is Battery Park City, not too far from here. It’s somewhere Billie and I used to be well acquainted with—Billie used to own most of the area, and used it as shipping area for his product, before it was reformed. Now it sits in Damien’s pocket, and is a fairly nice and upscale area. We-“

“Enough, stop,” I said, anger beginning to spark within. “So you knew this whole time? Since the song?”

“I-“ he said, his face starting to look a little sweaty from the sun. “I thought it might be a clue, but I wasn’t sure back then-“

“And what about now?” I asked, my voice heightening. “Do you know where he is, Mike?”

“…Yes.”

I felt my stomach dropped. I was incensed. I wanted to punch him, slap him, scream—but all I could do was stand there and close my eyes, trying to breathe and process before reacting. All that would enter my mind, though, was Gerard—alone, scared, possibly being tortured-

“I just…” Mike said. I heard him approach. “I mean, I don’t know what Vincent did to him, I don’t know if it was a trap or-”

“I don’t want to hear it, Mike,” I said, my tone low. I felt so hurt…

“Ali,” Mike said, his voice pleading. “Please, look at me. I was stupid. I’m sorry. I just…” I heard Mike growl, and I felt his hands on my arm—not as hard as I expected, very light. I forced myself to open my eyes, and he looked utterly heartbroken, causing my own anger to dampen. The look alone nearly had me close enough to forgive him, when he spoke. “I just wanted to spend a little more time with you, without him.”

The words felt like a gutting.

“You…” I began, unable to thaw the concept into my mind. Finally, after what seemed like forever, the rage hit me, knocking all conscious thought on its ass. “You did it because of your fucking crush on me?! You allowed Gerard, the father of my child and the love of my life, possibly get killed or tortured, while I’m trying to deal with cancer without said love of my life because you wanted to stay in your fantasy world?!” Mike’s mouth opened. He might have looked hurt, or heartbroken, or angry—I didn’t care at that point. “No. I’m leaving. Don’t talk to me. Don’t follow me. I want to be left alone. I’ll let Tré know if I decide to come back here. Leave me be until I say otherwise.”

Without a word, Mike was gone.

I stood there, in the cold, for a long time, convinced what flowed through my veins was more adrenaline and anger than blood at this point. I expected it to eventually ebb out of me, like the heat from my body out into the cold, but it didn’t seem to subside. Needing something to detract from it, I pulled the envelope out of my pocket.

“At least you didn’t lie to me, I suppose,” I said, studying the blank back of it for a moment. What could it hurt at this point? I slipped open the back, and pulled out a cleanly folded paper inside. Unfolding it, I found only two, short sentences handwritten on the page. As short as they were… I stared at it for a long, long time. Once read, I stuffed it back down into my pocket, and began a calm walk towards the fire escape on the side of the roof.

I knew what I had to do.