My Guardian Vampire

I left the house, still laughing to myself, planning all the ways I could get back at Frankie if I ever needed to. It was dark now and quite peaceful. I felt extremely happy, almost wanting to skip as I went down the street.

'Fuck it.'

I ignored all urges to be embarrassed and began to skip down the road, almost all the way to my house. I suddenly felt someone take my hand, and I screamed in mid-skip, almost falling over. I looked to my left and no one was there. I did a full 360 before standing there, thoroughly confused.

"Gerard?" I asked, then laughed slightly. "You better get your cute butt out here right now."

Someone then slapped my ass. I screamed, and found Bert standing behind me, grinning.

"Wha-" I began, but he cut me off, putting his arm through mine, suddenly on the side of me.

"C'mon! Let's skip!" he said, and dragged me off. I picked up his pace and we began to skip up the road, making me laugh. I loved it.

We had almost made it to my house before Bert suddenly stopped, jerking me backwards since his arm was hooked around my own. He was standing up at a large tree, old and thick with long branches bent by age. It was mostly bare though one or two branches were still clinging to their leaves like old memories.

"Let's go!" Bert said, and I looked at him, confused.

"Go where?" I asked. Bert simply smiled, still looking at the tree. I then felt my arm being jerked and my body being swung in the darkness, with the rushing feeling of wind slapping my face for a moment before everything stopped. It made me feel slightly queasy with my insides mixing together. I was lying on something uncomfortable with something sticking into my ear, though I really didn't mind, my eyes diverting all attention. I was looking up into the dark heavens, a splatter of stars painted before me in some kind of unearthly glow in the dark canvas.

I tried to sit up, but had nothing to grab. Bert's hand found my own and helped me to a sitting position as he for some reason held my back
Once my world was level, I looked around.

Space, space, and more space. Total night.

But wait, I was sitting on Bert's legs, but my legs were hanging down...

I looked down, seeing at first nothing below me. I screamed, burying myself into the sitting Bert's chest, afraid to move. I mean, I wasn't exactly afraid of heights or anything, but I did not expect to see that.

"Where the fuck are we?" I asked, holding onto Bert tightly. He laughed.

"We're in a fucking tree, dipshit."

I looked down, but sideways, and saw Bert's legs were lying on a strong, thick branch, his back sitting against the trunk of a tree. His eyes were closed, and he now seemed very peaceful for once, a small smile playing on his face. I smirked and sat up slowly, holding onto his shirt for dear life.

"Want me to get off your legs?" I asked, figuring I was probably hurting him.

"Nah, it's all good. You're keeping them warm," he said, chuckling slightly, his eyes still closed. I suddenly realized just how cold it was, and shivered. Though it had been a warm night, up here it seemed very different. Bert must have felt my shiver.

"Come to Uncle Bert," he said, opening both his arms and his eyes. He didn't seem worried about falling in the least.

I was hesitant, but at another chill from the wind I quickly went back to him, hugging him and still afraid of falling. I placed my legs over his on the branch and pushed my head into his warm stomach.

"Dude, how come you're so freaking warm?" I asked.

"Maybe because I'm actually wearing something warm for once?" he suggested, and it was true. I wondered why he would even have bothered wearing something warm on the warm summer night. Maybe he just expected to be cold, as they seemed cold all the time...

A strong wind blew and rocked the branch a little, making me give a small yelp in surprise.
Bert laughed and pulled me farther onto him, so my head was now on his shoulder as we could be steadier. A few more gusts rocked the branches, but we were ok.

"Did you know I hate you?" I asked, looking up at Bert and glaring at him. Why the hell did we have to go all the way up here?

"You do not," he said, laughing. I rolled my eyes, sticking my tongue out at him.

"Jerk," I said. He laughed at gave me a kiss on the top of my head. I froze for a moment, unsure what that just meant.

He then gave me a noogie, and so I took it as a friendly Bert thing. I laughed.

"Loser!"

"C'mon, you know you like it up here. I do; it's peaceful."

"You? Like peaceful? C'mon, be serious."

"It's true," he said. I looked at him critically, my mouth twisting into an unbelieving frown, but said nothing.

Peaceful was more of a Gerard thing, not a Bert thing.

I then realized where I was supposed to be.

"Shit! I was supposed to get my stuff and hurry back to Gerard's!" Bert laughed.

"Can't you stay? It's so much better up here."

I looked at him lamely.

"C'mon Bert, time to go down."

"Okay," he said, in a cheerful tone. He then pushed me off of him. I began to fall, and because I was pushed off the side of the tree, I had no branches to hold on. I didn't even have the time to scream, simply put my hands over my face.

I felt something grab my waist, and I seemed to flip, but the rushing didn't immediately stop. When it did, I opened my eyes to find myself staring at my house. Bert, I assumed, was holding me up, as my shaky legs would have no way to stand on their own. My heart was beating wildly, my pulse confused in my body; the surging adrenaline suddenly had nowhere to go.

"You," I gasped shakily, "you fucking asshole."

Bert laughed, hugging me from behind. He picked me up and carried me to the door. I didn't protest surprisingly, my legs hanging limp, still shell-shocked. He set me on the front step and I shakily opened the door. Bert let go of me and I almost immediately crumbled, using the door for support. That fall had really scared me.

"C'mon, I'll help you in," Bert said, walking past me and then helping me up the last step into my house. He picked me up and threw me over his shoulder.

"No!" I hissed. "My mom will kill me and you for sure! Even Gerard is afraid of that... witch."

Bert just laughed, a fatal mistake.

"Really now? That's something interesting," he said, and seemed to mull it over. I didn't understand what was so interesting. He then looked at me. "Don't worry about the bitch."

"Not worry about the-"

We walked into the living room, where my mom was on her throne, the throw-up green couch.

"Who the hell is this?" My mom yelled, not standing up but narrowing her eyes at Bert.

"I'm Bert. Who the fuck are you?"

"I'm Ali's mom. Get the fuck out of my house!"

'Wow. This was going well.'

"Make me, you fat bitch," Bert said, turning and walking down the hallway. I was speechless.

My mom was screaming behind us in the other room.

"Where's your room?" Bert asked ignoring her.

"The last door," I babbled out, my eyes wide in disbelief of what was going on.

No one talked to my mom like this.

Bert kicked open my door, and set me down. My mother came down the hallway and screamed at us from the doorway:

"Ali fucking Reed you get your little whore ass in your room right now and fucking stay there!"

"I am in my room mom," I said calmly, more comfortable with a Bert barrier between her and I. I grabbed my bag, and turned around to find my mom slapping Bert.

"Get out of my house or I’m calling the fucking police!" Bert looked unfazed, probably scaring my mom slightly.

"Ok," he said simply, and took my hand, leading me past her and through the living room and out the back door. We walked off my back porch silently and around the house, Bert still leading me like a little lost child.
Which I probably was.

Totally lost, no family.

God, I hated my mom. She ruined everything.
But Bert...
Just, wow. Totally stupefying.