My Guardian Vampire

I made it to the point house eventually, the sun low in the sky. I went in the front entrance into the fancy living room, too tired to move another inch.

Gerard was in there, sitting on the couch. I collapsed on it unwillingly, not actually wanting to be near him. I was just too tired… He smiled, but then saw my expression and frowned. I was probably white as a ghost. He came closer to me and hugged me, concerned. I pushed him away with what was left with my strength.

"What's a matter Ali?" Gerard said, looking at me. His voice was soft and concerned, a couple of innocent snowflakes falling down and landing softly in their cosmic place in the world.

"Nothing's the matter," I said, not looking at him. The wind blew and a few more snowflakes fell, a little more sinisterly now. These snowflakes were not as white or as pure as the previous, but gray and irregular.

"Ali..." Gerard breathed, trying to catch my gaze. Now the white returned, creating a whitewash on the ground, wiping out the gray as I looked into Gerard, his eyes warming my insides.

'This isn't what you deserve...' the thoughts came again, a spray of dirt in the white world. The snow progressively continued, a cancerous white-hot star in my mind, splattered with random slits of dark matter.

"Ali, I know something's wrong. Why can't you tell me?" Gerard said, the white snow trying to fill the holes.

But the darkness ate everything.

'You know what you have to do. You know what is right.'

"Gerard, I..." I said, bile rising in the back of my throat. He took my hands, and I withdrew them so quickly I fell off the couch, fearing his touch like fire.

"Ali..." he repeated. He looked hesitant, but got off the couch and kneeled next to me. He also looked extremely hurt and I had to look away from him, knowing I had already done some damage.

A low rumble started, and the snow began to slowly slide, being pulled towards the dark matter in a slow avalanche.

"Gerard..." I started nearly whimpering, really not being able to look at him now. I felt him touch my face lightly, his cold pale hands giving me the familiar feel of an increased heart rate. I touched his hand and he put it down slowly, looking at my face. "I can't..." I whimpered again, my heart growing heavy and cold with the snow.

"Ali, I don't know what's going on with you, but I know something's up. Whatever it is, I promise we'll get through it together," he said, and hugged me. I violently pushed him back, away from me, away from my heart.

"Gerard stop it please!" I yelled, and he leaned back, shocked and hurt and confused. I put my head down as tears began to fill my vision forcefully.

The rumbling continued, louder now, as the snow picked up pace, a magnetic force pulling it closer.

"Gerard, I can't do this anymore."

The snow hit.

"You-you what?" Gerard said. I hoped he would have just taken this and let it be, but instead he grew angry, suddenly taking my shoulders.

I wanted to puke, throw up and leave.

'This is how it's supposed to be.'

"You don't mean that Ali, I know you don't," Gerard said, staring at me though I could barely see him through the tears.

'Someone out there can love him better, be there for him in the ways you can't, the ways you refuse to.'

Gerard lifted my chin up, the tears now freefalling down my face, soiling his hands as they ran slowly over his fingers.

"Tell me you don't love me. Tell me that we don't feel the same."

"We don't feel the same," I murmured, closing my eyes. It was true; we didn't feel the same--about each other at least. I loved him way too much, more than he could ever love me. It was just the way it was.

The snow began to pull and push over everything, suffocating us.

"Bull fucking shit," he said softly, his breath suddenly on my lips, meaning his face was close to mine. His lips lightly brushed mine, sending a chill through me which I tried to reject. "Tell me you don't love me."

"I..." I breathed, my mouth opening slightly and brushing his again. Every cell in me seemed to cry out to him, wanting to just be with him forever.

'Don't let him kiss you!' the voice in my head screamed, and I shut my eyes even tighter, wincing.

"I can't be with you anymore Gerard," I said, pulling back and opening my eyes. I shook my head and crawled backwards away from him and stood up, him motionless on the floor.

"Don't do this," Gerard whispered, now looking down. He then suddenly looked back up me, making my breath catch in my throat. "Please don't do this."

"I'm sorry Gerard, but I have to go..." I said. I began to turn around and seeing his broken state wondered if I should try to have him promise not to hurt himself, though I knew I wasn't in a position to make him promise anything.

'He'll be fine. You and he weren't meant to be, so he'll get over it.'

I nodded to myself and walked, turning the doorknob. A wave of grief hit me as soon as I touched the doorknob, as I knew that this really was goodbye.

The snow covered us all.