My Guardian Vampire

As soon as I was through the door I began to run, for no reason that I could name. I felt like I was running from a tidal wave, its powerful force composed of not water molecules but dirty, killer atoms of grief, combining together into one ocean of sadness coming after me. No matter how fast I ran it got closer and closer, cold soggy stinging depression nipping at my heels. I knew my heart and lungs were on fire, a city burning down on the inside and out as I ran for my mental safety, somehow thinking if I reached the house before it got me I would be safe...

Stupid, of course, as home was no refuge, easily sucked in and under by the wave.

Once I ran in my mom screamed at me but I ignored her, running to my room and shutting the door, putting my computer chair underneath the handle to stop her from opening it. Not that that has stopped her before; she's actually become pretty familiar with a screwdriver and the screws in the doorjamb.

I collapsed onto my bed, crawling into a tiny circle. My mom banged on the door, screaming and yelling at it as if the door was myself. After she was done abusing the door she left, hopefully not to return a few minutes later with her handy dandy screwdriver.

I turned my heater on, feeling strangely cold though it was summer and warm. My kitten was in the room, as that where she often hides when my mother is home (just like myself), and she happily meowed and jumped into bed. I let her under the covers with me and we hid by the heater; she certainly didn't mind the heat, purring loudly as I rested my head into her soft fur contentedly. I breathed in the familiar scent, but then realized that the coat itself was tainted-

No, not tainted. Purified. Her coat was purified by the scent of Gerard, mixed in with the air of the house. I groaned loudly, the wave fully bringing me under.

It then began.

I remember lying there on the bed, curled into a ball, clutching my stomach as if someone had kicked it. I think my cat had left at one point or another, however long it was I did not know. I was lying under the heavy covers, and in the heavy summer night I knew no one could see my body violently shake as if it was the middle of winter, trying to hold back the tears as a battle waged on. Though there was a soft glow coming from the light on the heater, all I could see and feel was a cold hard blackness. I began to suffocate for a moment, large waves drowning my sanity. I was struggling for life, and as I struggled I would be able to surface for a moment, gasping for air as my room would slowly flow back into my vision. I would then however be dragged back under as another wave would hit me full force.

As I laid there drowning I could faintly hear a war waging above the waves, cannon fire blasting above me in the form of thoughts.

One point would be made and I would be pulled deeper under the raging water, the currents throwing me about as if I was a piece of paper caught in the wind, unsuccessfully dodging the bullets that would pierce and crack my heart.

The other side would eventually shoot off a rebuttal, sending me screaming back to the surface for a moment before the other side would quickly answer, sending me back to the bottom of the sea of my mind.

What were they fighting about?
Whether or not I should be dead right now.
Without Gerard, without the support and love I needed to face all the shit in my life... I was dead.
But at least he would be happy, I know he would have a good life...

Sometime later I resurfaced, unsure of how much time had actually passed. The waters were receding, both sides reloading on the edge of my mind for the next battle.

I looked at the clock to see how long I had been gone.

Hours.

‘Humph. That’s strange,’ I thought, brushing it off like it was nothing. Part of my mind screamed that if I hadn't noticed that hours had passed then something was definitely not right. But some different part of me now seemed more in control, a malignant numbness that was slowly spreading over me accompanied by a chill.

It was then my new number self decided to leave this life.