My Guardian Vampire

I read that line over and over and over again until the familiar antique handwriting was burned into my vision.

I didn't believe it.
I couldn't believe it.
'And yet, here it still is.'

Frick. On a stick. With a brick.

And then...I read.
What else was I supposed to do?

I started at the beginning.
This, I guessed, was a continuation of an old journal (especially since it said "this is a continuation of my old journal").

"I needed to blow off some steam.

"You better fucking get back here you whore!" I heard being screamed inside a house, surprising me. This was a seemingly quiet town, and the yelling felt blasphemous to the atmosphere of the quiet countryside. I "flashed" as I like to call it to the source, quicker than light. I had actually ran, but I went so fast anyone looking at me would have seen me vanish—in a flash.

A door opened, letting a warm light pool onto the grass as far as it could go. I hid behind a tree self-consciously, though in the darkness I knew who ever was outside wouldn't be able to see me, even if I was only a few feet away.

I looked at the house, and something in my mind clicked as I took in a sharp breath.

It almost happened in slow motion. I saw one leg begin to leave the house, the other quickly being propelled after it as she walked out of the house. I slowly looked up the body walking out of the house, and I knew it was... her.

The little girl."

'Oh, fuck. That's me.'

I flipped ahead, past everything in my own life. I could not fucking read it. I stopped at the last entry, curiosity overcoming the fear of pain.

"What had she been listening to?
A seemingly simple question, entering my mind as something innocent and brief.
But there it stayed and bloomed, feeding off of curiosity, anger, and some fear.

And now I was having nightmares.

It kept coming up: the vision of her in the forest, backing away from my brother trying to escape as he invaded her mind.
A bad memory, but that was solved. Nothing torturous.
But then she blasted the iPod... and there I was in my dream, left only to imagine what music had helped save her.
...The music that had kept her alive.

I think one of the things that bothers me the most is that I know it wasn't mine.
Someone else besides me had saved her, and that made me feel...
Insecure, I guess.
Sometimes I think the only reason she is with me is that she feels bad, a pity love because I rescued her. I don't know where these thoughts come from, but I try to push them out of my head with the fact that we are together, and she would have ran away long ago if it wasn't real.
The thoughts get less and less frequent, but they still persist.
But I'll take any love from her I can get, why should I care what type of love it is?

Because I want it to be real.

So now I'm sitting here, not sure that if I somehow met the band that saved her, I would be hugging them and thanking them…
Or trying to choke them.

And the thing that probably bothers me the most?
I think I know what band it was.
I feel like if I write it down or say it out loud then it will have been ...that band that saved her.
But I have a strong feeling that it was that band from looking at her iPod. I couldn't even look to see if they were there actually, but looking at her other tastes in music... I'd say it's an almost definite thing.
Hell, if she likes my music she would definitely like them.

I know I'm being stupid, but there are some feelings I can't seem to control anymore.
I guess...
I just really don't want to lose her.

(Especially not to them)"

'Band? What band?' Does he mean...Bert's?'

Billie Joe turned around, scaring me. I waited until I was sure he was still sleeping before flipping through the book once again. I really figured I shouldn't even bother.

I mean, if Gerard really did love me-

No. No more of that. Billie Joe loved me, and I loved Billie.

Gerard had no reason to come after me, as I had made it clear I wanted nothing more to do with that life. Not that he would have known where I was anyway...

'But what if he had come looking for me?' I thought, my heart leaping at the idea.

It wouldn't have mattered, because I chose what had happened. Who the hell was I to complain? I went over this a thousand times before. The insanity I had gone through… It couldn’t have been right. I wasn’t going through that now, after all.

I wasn-

The soft pages flipping through my fingers caught in a gap between the pages. There was a page pressed neatly in half in the book. It seemed strange, as none of the other pages were bent or folded, all precise and as neat as the writing on the page.

I unthinkingly unfolded the page, not questioning what might be on it.
It still had the beautiful script on it, but was littered with the slightly illegible characters that were no doubt Billie Joe's.

There was also underlines and boxes and...
I began to read the page, and it made my heart break.

"I love her more than anything else in the world.
She is beautiful, she is perfect. I don't think I'd ever deserve her. All she does is love, and she is understanding of anything I could ever do. I feel a comfort that I haven't felt before, not even with Mikey or the other guys in the band. Every time she's away I miss her like crazy; everything about her drives me insane: her heart beat, the pulse, her eyes and the way she loves, it breaks me every time to see her go.

I don't think she could ever feel the same, no way or how.
She understands the way I feel, and has accepted me no matter what.
I have never felt so understood, or free from this curse that I have.
I can still never understand how she loves something like me, a monster, but she sees no fear.
I have never been so happy to be me. I feel like I'm actually glad to be "alive." I never thought in a billion years in this hell I would ever say this, but...
I am glad I became a vampire now."

The last line was underlined and boxed.
But underneath it, there was Billie's shaky handwriting:
"I want it."

Ok, so this was a little creepy.
Maybe beyond creepy.
Like, maybe I should get out of here right now, creepy.