My Guardian Vampire

Gerard walked through, his now semi-longish black hair hanging around his face. His eyes immediately scanned the room, and I sunk down, fearing those eyes seeing through everyone, right to me.

'Please brain, I'm fucking begging you, let those be one of those times he can't read my mind.'

I stood up cautiously, and now the whole band was inside, along with my best friends.
They all looked...not entirely sad, but more tired. Exhausted. Katy definitely looked the worst, clinging onto Bob like she needed him to stand. She was pale, and after looking around for a moment put her head into Bob's sweatshirt. I knew she was thinking of her first and only concert with me here, all that time ago...

'Gytha...' my mind said, wanting to go and comfort her. It destroyed me that it was me that I had done that to her.

Then Bert walked in.

He went over and clung to Gerard, and Gerard who had been frowning smiled, totally breaking me. I then saw Brittany and Frank, clinging to each other lovingly, but both glaring at Bert hatefully. I almost laughed, but it got caught up in my throat as a sob.
I wanted to leave right now, but I also needed to talk to Casey like I said I would.

Casey was looking around, standing on her tiptoes, and sighted me. She said something to Ray and walked a B-line over to me, grabbing my hand and pulling me around the corner to the deserted section of the cafeteria.

We stared at each other for a moment, unsure of what to say. I wanted to tell her I was going to leave, go back to Billie Joe and continue on with my new life. Billie wasn't everything, but he could protect me from these awful feelings inside, at least with the help of alcohol and drugs...

I then began to cry, unable to hold everything back. What the hell was I doing?

"I don't want to get married, Casey. I don't want to go back to New York; I don't want to be trapped with Billie Joe forever. I don't want the fucking alcohol or drugs-"

"Shhh," Casey said, and wearily patted my back, for some reason almost afraid to touch me. I must have seemed very unstable. "There is one way you can fix this..."

"How the fuck can I fix it?"

"You can come back. It won't undo everything, I know, but it will change what's going on. And... Well, I think there could be much worse to come..."

"I can't. I fucking left him, left everyone. I don't know why you're even bothering to speak to me-"

"Because I love you. You're my best friend, and we all need you to set things straight. This is tearing all of us apart."

I shook my head.

"He won’t take me back."

"He may not, but Ali, you need to stop this. You'll always have a home somewhere, even if it's with me. You know we need you." She hugged me. I knew she was right. This was something I had to fix, for their sake, and not my own. That made it seem... not easier, but more worth it.

"I think you should see Jenn."

"Why? Holy crap what happened to her Casey?" I said, looking at Casey's face.

"Well she's here...But I don't know how I'd get her to see you without causing a scene..."

"I'll wait outside," I said, and the second band began to play suddenly, the local one.

Casey nodded and walked off towards the crowd, and I disappeared out the door.

Quite a few minutes later Casey walked out, followed by Jenn, though I couldn't see her face. I was sitting on a cement cylinder, waiting for Casey to move so I could see Jenn. I wasn’t sure if I should let Jenn see me first, or...

Casey moved, and what I saw shocked me.

"J-jenn!?" I stuttered, staring at her in disbelief. She was paler than I've ever thought possible, as white as the guys...

"Ali?!" Jenn said, staring at me in disbelief. She without warning was suddenly in front of me, hugging me.

"Is that you? It can't be, I can't fucking believe you're alive!"

"J-j-j-enn..." I said, her grip constricting me. She was so small, and yet her tiny arms suddenly able to crush me... She let go.

I stared at her in disbelief.

"You can't be, Jenny..."

"I am! Isn't this the coolest?"

I wanted to puke. I shook my head.

"Jenn, you can't, you can't," I said, getting dizzy.

"Ali, you alright? I'm fine, really. Not being in the sun sucks ass, but all of this-" she said, disappearing than a few seconds later reappearing "-is awesome! I mean, I just ran around the entire parking lot! Did you even see that?"

I shook my head.

"Who... Who..."

"Bert turned her, Ali," Casey said, her brown eyes filled with a dismal expression, glowering. My stomach dropped, and instead a sudden rage filled through me in its place, my mind going totally blank.

Or maybe it was simply filled to the brink.

[b]"Bert turned her?" I said, my voice hissing with barely concealed anger.
'I'm going to fucking kill him, he has no idea-'

"He was eating out of the blood bags, but said it was an 'accident,' a mere lapse in judgment... So now she's been staying with us."

"I'm going to fucking kill him," I said, barely a whisper.

"What?" Jenn asked.

"I’m going to kill him!" I exclaimed, walking to the door, but Jenn held me back with that inhuman force.

"You can't!"

"Why?" I hissed, turning around. Jenn let go and looked to Casey, not having an answer herself. Did they want to know why I had left? That I had gone insane? Well, they were going to see insane when I got my hands on that fucker-

"Because that's not helping anything, only making it worse," she said. "If you can fix this shit first, then go ahead and take forty whacks in the fucker's back."

I nodded grudgingly. She was right; revenge could come later.

I simply breathed for a long time, shutting my eyes and trying to let the anger out. After a few minutes, Casey and Jenn apparently got worried.

"Uh, Ali, you alright there?"

"Just letting out my anger. You really alright Jenn?" I asked, opening my eyes finally. She nodded, and I knew she was being truthful.

"Are you alright? What happened to you?"

"I...I left for a while. It's a very, very long story. I don't know what to do next."

"Whatever you do, Ali, Casey and I got your back. Right Casey?"

Casey nodded, though she looked doubtful.
That really hurt deep. I knew I had hurt her trust, so I also knew I deserved it.

"Ok," I said, and nodded, mostly to myself. I took one last deep breath in and out, and walked back inside.

Rob's band was playing now, him dancing around and acting like himself. I smiled to myself faintly, part of me wishing to be up there with him, though I knew it was a ridiculous thing to wish for at the moment. I walked up to the back of the crowd, not resisting the urge to dance. I would at least give myself one last few minutes of happiness before I went down a very long, hard road that I would no doubt be traveling soon.

Suddenly, my wish was granted.
A gap opened up and I was somehow being corralled to the front.

'Shit! I shouldn't have wished for this!'

I was suddenly face-to face with Rob, him smiling widely.

He pushed his guitar up against me, making me blush from under my hoodie.

I didn't sing, didn't dance—just prayed that for whatever reason Gerard was not looking this way. I prayed that he wouldn't recognize me. I prayed too that he would get over me, that I wouldn't have to do all these stupid things that were caused by my own stupid self.

But I knew the last few were stupid, hopeless prayers that had no chance of being answered.

Rob finished a part he was singing, and walked over to me, doing his old stupid nonchalant talking-while-playing-awesomely thing he did.

"Why aren't you dancing?" he asked over the music, pouting slightly.

I just looked down, not meeting his gaze, and I guessed he left, going back to the other part of the crowd. The music was now pumping in my veins, screaming for me to respond as it left the heart and went into my arteries.

But I couldn't.
Even music didn't feel the same.

Rob eventually returned during the next song. This song was my favorite, and I couldn't help but smile as he sang it. Rob seemed happy, so I took the opportunity and shot him an apologetic look before shrugging back into the crowd. He seemed confused, but obviously said nothing about it.

I looked around for Gerard, but saw him nowhere, strangely enough.

The set ended and Rob's band started to gather their things up and move for the next band to play... Gerard's.

I wanted to move and leave so badly, but my feet were frozen to the ground. I was suddenly however being pulled out of the crowd, away from it. I yelled out in surprise, but sighed out of relief when I realized it was just Rob pulling me by my hand away from everyone else. A few people had looked at me strangely when I had shrieked, but other than that I was safe. We walked over to one of the chairs lining the wall, and sat down. He pulled me in a hug, and started to push my hood off my head. My hand immediately shot up to stop him.

"Please—don't," I said, and he looked confused. “I really don't want to be recognized..."
He nodded and hugged me again, sighing.

"You can't hide from him forever, you know. Why'd you guys break up anyways, if I might be so bold?"

"It's more complicated than you could ever know..." He shot me a "Yeah, right." look but said nothing. All of the guys were inside the tight ring of people except Gerard, tuning and checking their instruments. Gerard suddenly stumbled out of the bathroom, smiling and looking... awful.

His face was red, his hair plastered to his face like he had dunked his head in water. From the water dripping from his face, I guessed he had. He stumbled past us, my mouth an open "o" of shock at this clearly drunk angel swaggering by. He somehow got through the ring of people without falling over and went up to the microphone.

"Hey guyssss, we're the fucking New London Fire!" I could even see from here the look Mikey shot Frank, but the music began.

The guitars and drums started in on the oh-so-familiar tune of "Vampires Will Never Hurt You." Even from the distance I began to feel so close to them all, letting the music take over me, not enough strength or will to resist it. I simply huddled closer into Rob's arms, waiting for the last piece of magic...

Gerard than began to sang.

And everything fell down.