My Guardian Vampire

I went to walk inside, but Billie forcefully pulled me back by my hand, pulling me close to him. “Remember what I told you,” he hissed in my ear. “No fucking around, or he won’t be the only one getting hurt in this house.”

My eyes widened. He wouldn’t hurt my friends, would he?

‘Oh, never mind. Yes, he definitely would.’

I nodded, looking forward and away from Billie. “Okay Billie. May Gerard and I please go and sleep now?”

“Only if you give me a kiss, tell me you love me, and say goodnight.”

“I love you,” I said stone-faced. I leaned up and went to give him a peck on the cheek, but he turned so my lips met his. He wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me close to him. I kept my eyes shut tight, trying to imagine myself somewhere else. He eventually let go, and I opened my eyes, remaining stone-faced. “Good night,” I said, and stepped into the room. Gerard stepped past Billie, but Billie stopped him, whispering harshly into his ear. I did not even bother to listen.

Billie shut the door behind Gerard once he was done whispering to him. Gerard and I were now alone.

All alone, together, for the first time in god only knows how long.

We stared at each other silently. I saw a range of emotions cross Gerard’s face, and I’m sure he could see all the emotions I was feeling right now.

He look so worn, so tired, and yet there was a small smile playing at his perfect lips. He looked so beaten up and damaged, but something inside him pushed to have his same classic smile, even if it was barely there. I stood there unmoving, respecting his space. It would have been so easy for him to hate me now with everything I’ve done to him and the ones we love. I couldn’t match his eyes any longer, guilt making my head drop to the floor. Tears began to stream down my face.

Gerard wordlessly walked over to me. He took my hands and raised them up in front of my face. He then made my palm touch his, like our hands were stuck in the middle of a high-five. I looked up at him as the tears began to slow as my confusion increased. As our hands stayed like this for a moment, he intertwined his fingers with mine, and let our hands drop. He let go of my right hand, and touched my face, trying to lightly rub away the tears.

Everything seemed to melt away at this moment.

He smiled weakly. Something about the weakness in the smile made me cry more. I knew things could never be the same, that this was probably the last time I would ever get a moment of true happiness, even if I was immensely sad.

“Shh,” he whispered. “As long as there is love, there is a way.” He cupped my face, and kissed me gently. I let go of his other hand and touched his face back as we kissed. We stopped for a moment, and I looked into his eyes. I brushed back his unfamiliar length of hair, and smiled.

We then moved into the kiss at the same time, kissing like this was the last time we would ever kiss.

Which, in all fairness, it might be.

We navigated to the bed, our lips never breaking. We also never broke contact with our hands--we were holding and trying for our hands to remember the other for as long as possible. I wanted to remember this moment, this feeling for as long as I could. My pulse was beating wildly as I felt dizzy with heat. It wasn’t the burning heat, but a melting heat that flowed through my body, cleaning out all my pain and sorrow. It seemingly flowed through Gerard also. I could feel it, and I knew it was there, mending us and making us whole people again. I thought we would soon eventually melt into each other, eventually then cooling off like metal and stick together forever. Then some more heat could come, and we could form ourselves however we wanted to.

I didn’t care what anyone said. There is no drug better than love.
It’s also the most painful drug to try and stay away from.

Eventually we stopped kissing, though we did not break apart. I stayed as close to him as I possibly could. We held each other tightly as we simply breathed, trying to figure out how we should use our slipping time. I savored every sense I was feeling as I attempted to keep the feel of every nerve ending in my mind. I tried to keep my eyes open as I looked into his, but they were slowly closing for longer and longer, a warm calmness settling in as we lay there together, seemingly perfectly content wrapped up in each other.

“Ali, you need to go to sleep. I can see you’re tired,” Gerard murmured, rubbing his cheek against my own, my eyes closing automatically as he touched me, savoring the feeling. I stored the feelings in my head: cool, soft, tingling. Indescribable by words, but hopefully I wouldn’t need words to remember how he felt.

“No,” I mumbled back, putting pressure on his back, hugging him a little tighter. Feeling: soft cloth on hand, warmth of stomach, light scent of mint as he exhaled, sighing.

“Now is the time to sleep, though I know you want to stay up. I wish we could stay up for this night forever.” He kissed me lightly: a light pressure, followed by a rush of blood to the heart and rest of the body as a mixture of cool and heat is extracted by the mouth. Happy and lightheaded feelings pursue. “We have to sleep before tomorrow, and be ready for what happens. We will all be on our toes for the first sign of escape.”

“Do you think we’ll make it…?” I asked, pushing away slightly and looking him in the eye. He waited to answer, letting me know he was thinking about it seriously.

“I have no doubt in my mind. We will make it, I promise. No matter what happens, you and I will be together forever.”

He kissed me, and I believed him with all of my heart.

The next morning--well, sunset--I awoke, sleepy and lost. I looked and there was Gerard sleeping beside me, safe and soundly. I smiled to myself in that safe little lost world I’m usually in after I wake up. I recalled some fuzzy memories, but shook them off. I hugged closer to Gerard, and he woke up and smiled.

“Morning,” I said, kissing him on the mouth.

“Morning,” he said, giving me another kiss after we had broken off.

“I think I had the worse nightmare ever,” I said, pushing my head into his chest. Gerard sighed.

“I wish I could say it was a nightmare...”

“What?” I asked, looking up at him. He was looking towards the door, and I followed suit.

Billie was leaning on the door, his arms folded as he glared watching us. I groaned, hugging Gerard a little tighter to me.

“Time to get up,” Billie said nastily, looking very tired and almost sad. He turned around and slammed the door behind him.

Gerard sighed and untangled himself from me. He got off the bed as I put a pillow over my head, giving a small whimper. I had thought it had been only a terrible nightmare.

“C’mon sweetie, you have to get up,” Gerard said, leaning over me and whispering in my ear. He kissed my neck and pulled at my hips, trying to physically pull me out of bed without hurting me. I sighed and began to move, Gerard helping me up and out of bed. I picked out a random outfit, uncaring of what I wore. I went into the bathroom to change, obviously not changing in front of Gerard.

I had never been comfortable dressing or undressing in front of Gerard, even if it was just changing my shirt. I would usually always refuse to wear a bathing suit in front of him, and if I had to during one of our night swims I would always wear shorts and a t-shirt over it to cover myself. It had always kind of hurt Gerard when I did that. He was fine changing his shirt or pants in front of me, but I couldn’t do it. I was always so self-conscious and one of my worst fears was Gerard not liking my physical self, no matter how much he said he wouldn’t care how I looked.

We got changed and left our rooms eventually, my friends following suit. We all kind of assembled ourselves in the seashell living room. When Billie entered we grew silent.

“Ali, it is time to leave,” he said. I looked to Gerard desperately. I did not want to leave yet.

“I’m going too,” Gerard said.

Billie looked at Gerard for a moment, studying him.

“Okay,” Billie agreed. “You might be of some use.” I looked at Billie surprised, but said nothing, not wanting to jinx it.

“We want to go too,” Brittany said, holding onto Frankie. Frankie nodded in agreement.

“Yeah, me too,” Jenn said, looking at Billie. Billie looked at them, and gritted his teeth, looking wary.

“Fine, you can all go if you want to. But we have to leave now.” Billie Joe was suddenly holding me, and we were gone.

I said nothing and did not protest his carrying me, though I knew Gerard would be upset he didn’t at least get to fight about it. I turned my head into Billie’s chest to keep the wind from hitting me, somehow falling asleep in the long journey as we took it slow for everyone to stay together.