Welcome to the Family

April 2011

I had been living with my Dad for about a month now and was settling in quite well. I got along with everyone. Kenna and I spent a lot of time together. It was nice to have a little sister to hang out with. I had even become really close with both of my brothers, and Brian’s wife, Michelle. I thought about asking My dad about my mother almost every day. Finally I decided I was ready.

“Dad? Er…Brian?”

“Gem, you can call me Dad. I am your father, but if you don’t feel comfortable, call me Brian. Hell call me Papa Gates if you want to.”

I bit down on my lip softly. “I was hoping you could tell me about my Mom now. About how you met.”

He put the guitar he was holding down and patted the seat next to him. “Of course.”

I sat down with my legs folded under me.

“What do you want to know?”

“Everything.”

“Okay.” He nodded slowly. “Well I met your mother when she was twenty two, she was living in Huntington Beach…”

He went on to tell me that they met at a bar my mother worked at. My dad said he fell in love with her the second he saw her. She was the most beautiful woman he said he had ever seen, even though he was married and had two boys, one of which was only ten years younger than my mother at the time. But he still asked her out. And she said yes. They dated for about six months before his wife found out.

His wife gave Brian divorce papers the next day, and that is when Brian finally told my mother that he was still married and had two children. Naturally my mother was infuriated. Not only did she listen to this man lie for six months, but she believed him. And she was pregnant with me. She told him she would get an abortion, but she actually never meant it. She moved to another part of Huntington Beach and started a new life as a mother to be.

Until my father saw her, and her pregnant belly one day while he was at the beach with his sons and his new girlfriend. My dad had begged her to let him be in my life but she said no. She said she didn’t want Brian to have anything to do with me. That’s when she moved to Boston with her family. Just a week before I was born my mother called Brian and asked if he would fly to Boston for my birth. He said he jumped on the next plane and was there for my mother during her last week of pregnancy. When I was born Brian was the one to cut my umbilical cord and was the first to hold me. My mother even let him put his name on the birth certificate. Which I never knew.

“You were absolutely perfect. You looked just like your mother.” He smiled at me.

“I didn’t know you were even there.”

He nodded. “Yeah. Your mother didn’t want you to know. She didn’t want to confuse you or upset you.”

“Well I’m confused. If you wanted to be in my life, why wouldn’t she let you?”

Brian shrugged. “I met Suzy. The day I found out your mother was still in fact pregnant, the day at the beach, I was with Suzy and the boys. We had just started dating and your mother didn’t want to ruin anything, even though I told her she wouldn’t. She said she wanted me to be happy. But I would have been happy with you in my life too. Both of you.”

“So Suzy knew about me? Even before you were married?”

“Yep. I had to tell her.”

“But you never saw me.”

Brian looked down at his hands. “I want to show you something.”

I gave him a confused look but nodded. “O-okay.”

He got up and went to the bookshelf, grabbing a rather large black box from the bottom shelf. It had white writing on it, when he brought it closer I saw it was my name written on the top of the box. He opened it and pulled out a picture of him and I the day I was born. “That’s the only picture I have of you and me.”

“Are those all of me?”

Brian nodded. “Your mother would send me pictures of you from throughout the year every year around Christmas. It was her way of letting me watch your grow up.”

“That’s not fair.” I mumbled.

“She thought it would upset you. I shouldn’t of shown this to you.”

“No.” I cried. “It’s not fair that she let you see me but I didn’t even get to see a fucking picture of you until she died. She’s so selfish. She took me away from you even though you wanted me. I grew up thinking you didn’t want me, that you didn’t love me.”

“Gemma. Come here.” My dad pulled me into a tight hug. “Of course I love you. You were my first little girl.”

I cried softly into his chest for a few minutes. “I’m glad that I’m here.”

“Me too.”

“Did the boys see these?”

“Of course. I showed them to them, Kenna and Suzy. They wanted to see you grow up too. Kenna used to tell everyone about you when she was little. She would talk about her big sister that lived in Boston, no one believed her.”

“Well I’m here now.”

“I know.” My dad kissed the top of my head softly.

“Can I look at those?” I gestured towards the box.

“Of course.” He said as he turned to walk out of the room.

“Can you stay?” I asked in a small voice.

“Yes. I’ll stay.”

We looked through the box together. There were pictures of me from when I was born to when I was sixteen. I had never known that my mother was sending pictures of me to my dad. There were pictures of the day I was born, the day my mom brought me home, pictures I hadn’t seen since I was little. At the bottom of the box there was a folder.

I looked over to my dad, silently asking permission to pick it up. He nodded so I grabbed it slowly. I let out a breath as I opened it. It was a copy of my birth certificate, my hospital bracelet, and the tiny hat that I had worn in the hospital.

“Your mother let me have those. She said since she got you, I could take them.”

In that moment I became really angry with my mother. Why would she take me away from a family who clearly loved me since the day I was born.

“What’s wrong?” My dad asked quietly.

“I’m sort of angry at my mom.”

“Why?”

“Because she just took me away. She didn’t even give you a chance. She didn’t let me have a father.”

“You can’t be angry with her. She had her reasons for not wanting me around.”

“They’re not good enough. She was selfish.”

“Your mother loved you very much. I don’t want you to be mad at her for this. The most important thing now is that you’re here, and you’re happy.”

I nodded. “I know. Thanks Dad.”

“You’re welcome sweetie.”

He was right. I couldn’t be mad at my mother for anything. She raised me. She helped me become the person I was. Even though I didn’t have my Dad growing up, I was okay. I had him now, I had my brothers and sister now, and I was happy. I still didn’t think it was fair that I couldn’t have my Dad’s family and my mother at the same time, but I wasn’t angry.