Young & Wild & Free

the twelfth

“Eighty-eight! Where’s your head?!” Coach Wright all but screamed at Blake as she circled the puck, checking to her right to see her winger waiting patiently. Blake knew he was going to skate them dead that afternoon. Blake shook her head back and forth before circling back to the top of the circle as the drill re-started. “Blake! Get over here!” She sighed loudly, knowing she was going to get her ass chewed.

“Coach.” She said, coming to a full stop.

“Horcoff is on the phone for you – says it’s an emergency.” Her coach sighed, but with a small smile. She knew the tough bastard had a soft spot in his heart for her. He should at least, for all the points she was putting up for the team. Blake hopped back behind the bench and hurried as quickly as she could to the phone in the offices back behind the locker rooms.

“Hello?” She asked, feeling her heart racing in her chest.

“Blake, Phoebe’s gone into labor – Taylor is waiting for you outside the arena.” Shawn said quickly.

“All right papa bear, take a few deep breaths, I’ll be there as soon as I can!” She smiled excitedly before hanging up and sprinting in her skates to the dressing room, tearing off her equipment in the process. She barely had time to tie her hair up on top of her head and run out the back door to see Taylor’s big, black car waiting for her. She barely said hello before he pressed down on the gas and hurried them off t the hospital.

Taylor knew it was a little odd, but he always liked the way she looked when she came home from hockey, lively, athletic, and a little spent. Today was no different. Their relationship had been a little off since their confrontation at the arena earlier that week, but he was determined to make her happy and not to push her into telling him what was going on in her life.

Blake’s heart began to race in her chest when they neared the hospital, not more than a few words being shared between them as they reached the waiting room. It was silly, the game of ‘hurry up and wait’, but she felt much better being there than on the ice or in the car.

She hopped on twitter the moment she could calm her hands enough to keep from shaking to report for the few guys on the team that followed her about Horcoff’s baby.

“You okay?” Taylor asked, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. “Everything’s going to be okay.” He insisted, “Phoebe’s a pro at this.” He reminded with a small grin that made her heart flutter. She was in too deep with Taylor to have done something so awful to him without his knowledge. She simply nodded, resting her head against his shoulder as they glanced up at the clock. “I’m going to say this kid is gong to pop out before nine.” He wagered, seeing as it was only a little past six now.

“No way.” Bake shook her head, “not before midnight.” She insisted. Shawn exited the double doors that lead to the maternity suites and Blake immediately hopped up and out of her chair, all but tackling him in a hug.

“She’s ready to pop any minute,” he announced, surprising Blake. “She’s in a rush.” He winked, squeezing his billet daughter tightly. “Just wanted to make sure you made it in time.” He insisted, dropping a kiss on her cheek. “Wish me luck!” He called, dipping back into the unit.

“Looks like we were both wrong.” Taylor laughed, the light of his eyes making her heart sink down deep inside of her chest. “Oh and in other news, Shawn asked me if you could stay over at my place this evening. He’s not leaving here and the twins are at his parent’s house for the next two days. My apartment is closer to the hospital than his.” He added with a sly grin.

Blake nodded absentmindedly, knowing she had enough stuff there to get her through a sleepover or two, but she didn’t know if she could keep a brave face for that long. She wished she could talk to Phoebe.

Much to Taylor’s dismay, the next hour or so passed very slowly. Blake was not talkative, which wasn’t very unlike her, but he could tell she was tense. He blamed it on anxiousness. When Shawn re-entered the waiting room, his face was flushed and he had a giant smile on his face.

“She’s here!” He laughed, as some of the players slowly trickled in. “Lily Horcoff, 7 pounds, 4 ounces, 16 inches long.” He said. Blake hugged him tightly and Taylor shook his head.

“How’s Mama?” Blake asked, more worried for Phoebe’s sake.

“Oh she’s fine, she’s a champ.” He insisted. “Come back and see.” He said, scooting them along in front of him and down the hall to the door that was marked ‘Horcoff’.

“Mama.” Blake smiled upon seeing a red-cheeked Phoebe laying in her hospital bed, a pink bundle in her arms.

“Hi sweetheart. Was coach mad you dipped out of practice?” She asked, making Blake scoff.

“Who cares what he thinks?” Blake grinned, scooting closer and closer, taking a seat in the recliner beside her bed as she finally got a glimpse of the newest Horcoff from under her pink knitted hat.

“This is Lily.” Phoebe smiled blissfully. “Do you want to hold her?” She asked.

No. Blake swallowed the lump in the back of her throat. “Sure.” She smiled as she began to feel her heart thumping deep down in her stomach. Phoebe leaned over carefully, tucking the tiny body into Blake’s trembling arms, fixing the miniscule pink cap. She could hear her pulse in her ears as she studied the tiny face, imagining Taylor’s full, pink lips and her own dark hair.

“Shawn.” Her voice was shaky as she offered the tiny baby up to her billet Dad. He quickly took the little girl in his arms, bouncing her gently as she yawned widely. “I’m going to use the bathroom.” Blake was up and out of the room before Phoebe could explain that there was a restroom in the suite. Following the signs, she all but threw herself into a stall and down onto a closed toilet, sobbing loudly, clutching her stomach.

•••

Blake was glad to be heading home the next day. She didn’t want to spend more time than necessary with Taylor and she missed her own bed. Phoebe would be coming home that afternoon – a quick recovery. Blake thought she would make dinner and bake something for dessert, knowing that Shawn always reverted to chocolate chip cookies and chocolate milk when he was feeling indulgent.

“Can I stay for a bit?” Taylor asked as he walked her up to the front door.

“Y’know, I’m just going to do some cleaning and maybe take a nap, make sure everything’s ready before Lily comes home.” Blake explained herself away, inching towards the door and pulling her black pea coat high against her ears.

“You sure? I’m pretty handy with a Swiffer.” He insisted with a grin, the same kind that used to tug at her heart, but now, it just instilled deeper guilt within her.

“I’m sure, but text me later?” She asked, biting her lip, worrying the pink flesh between her white teeth.

“Absolutely.” He smiled, “love you.” He all but whispered. She stood up on her tip toes, kissing his lips gently before heading into the house. She was down in her room moments later, stripping off her clothes and changing into sweats, tying her hair up on top of her head. Busy hands meant a busy mind and she couldn’t afford to let it wander now. Hopping up the stairs two at a time, she quickly made her way to the kitchen and began to make cookie dough, not dipping into it for a nibble once, but cranking out as many cookies as quickly as she could.

Peering into the pantry, she saw that they had the ingredients to make a nice, baked Mac and Cheese. She glanced at her phone on the counter, they were due home in about an hour, so she would hopefully be pulling the dinner out of the oven around then. She wished her mother would call her. She wished she had someone to talk to. She wanted to trust Phoebe, but what would she think of her? Having an abortion at seventeen just before her billet mom had her own baby? She was just a hair too far away from Phoebe to talk to her about it, and light-years away from her own mother.

Walking through the dining room, she opened the glass doors to the hutch, reaching in and grabbing Shawn’s bottle of Grey Goose that he barely ever touched, pour a good amount in a low-slung glass before replacing it and reaching into the fridge for some cranberry juice. She nursed her drink as she boiled noodles and made a nice cheese sauce. Both her drink and her dinner were finished by the time the Horcoff’s were coming in through the garage door.

“Dinner’s ready.” She smiled, setting the glass casserole dish on the pot holder as Shawn smiled appreciatively while Phoebe took Lily right upstairs to the nursery that Shawn had only just finished a few days ago.

“You’re an angel.” Shawn smiled, wrapping an arm around her in a quick hug. “I know that you have better things to be doing and hockey to worry about, but we’re so glad you’re here with us.” He whispered to her, making her heart swell in her chest and a genuine smile come to her face for the first time in days.

“I’m happy to be here.” She replied, taking in the familiarity of his cologne that comforted him.

“Were you fine at Taylor’s house last night?” He asked with a worried brow, “I figured you may want to spend the night there instead of here alone.” He added.

“It was fine.” She reassured.

“Things with Taylor are… good?” He asked. Shawn may have liked to keep Taylor and Blake’s relatonship out of his sight, but even he couldn’t deny that things between the young couple had been tense.

“Taylor is fine.” She replied. “I just don’t know if a serious relationship is what I need right now.” She shrugged, verbalizing her thoughts for the first time. “I mean, I’m here to play hockey – and only to play hockey. That’s what my focus should be, especially if I want to be asked back again next year.” Shawn knew that at this point she was mostly thinking out loud, something she would be doing whether or not he was present. “And maybe if I can’t reciprocate what Taylor is offering… then maybe he deserves better.” She shrugged, feeling a pit forming at the bottom of her stomach as she ladled large spoonfuls of pasta into one of their large bowls, pushing it towards Shawn along with the pepper she knew he’d want.

“Do what makes you happy.” Shawn shrugged, passing along the best advice he had ever received. “If Taylor makes you happy… then that’s good. But remember, two things can make you happy at the same time.” He pointed his fork in her direction before picking up his bowl and heading the family room.

“Cookies in the microwave, by the way. You can thank me later.” She called as Phoebe entered the kitchen. Blake quickly dished her up a bowl of dinner as well as one of her own before disappearing down into her bedroom – she knew Phoebe would see right through her and she didn’t know what to tell her billet mother at the time.

That night, when Phoebe and Shawn had gone to bed, Blake tiptoed upstairs to the nursery covered in pink walls and white furniture. Lily was asleep against her pink sheets, and she looked like a tiny doll in the big, ornate crib. Blake stroked her face before wandering over to her changing table, then closet, fingering the tiny outfits made out of the softest fabrics. She could never have given her baby a life like this. No wardrobe, no beautiful furniture, no loving home. Blake could hardly love herself most days – how would she ever love a baby? And when she was seventeen?

She knew she had done the right thing for her. So why did she feel like the lowest of the low?

“Blake? Sweetheart?” Her head snapped up from where she sat in the rocking chair, feeling the tears on her cheeks. Phoebe advanced towards her slowly. “Baby girl, what’s the matter?” She asked, kneeling down to face up to Blake in the chair who looked flushed and green.

“I’ve done something awful. I thought it was okay, but now…” She shook her head. “I just… need time to heal.” She whispered as Phoebe stroked her hair. “I’m a good person.” She assured Phoebe. “It was for all the right reasons.”

“I’m not sure I’m following you.” Phoebe frowned gently, not wanting to startle her billet.

“I couldn’t sacrifice hockey for a baby.” She said in finality. “I couldn’t sacrifice the best years of my life for a child.” Phoebe’s face turned pale itself as she realized what Blake was talking about. “Could you just… love her? Love her like my mother never loved me?” Phoebe nodded, kissing Blake’s cheek as she continued to stroke her hair.

“I can do that. I’d do anything for you, Blake. Just like I’d do anything for her.” Phoebe replied with a strong voice.

She held Blake tightly to her as they shared a mutual moment of choice.
♠ ♠ ♠
so the cat's out of the bag.
phoebe knows.
will taylor ever know?
i'd really love to hear your feedback on this one.
really, i would.
xo