Fisticuffs

I exit the bus and a wind blows against me, chilling my heart. As if my heart wasn't cold enough, I hated thought of attending school, I hated thought of having to interact in society. I do love learning however, the literature, the arithmetic, the history, all of it. I'd say life may only be worth living for me if I become a scholar. I see the faces of the people, all wearing masks, masks with painted pictures, pictures of perverted symbols, of sacrilegious imagery, and of dark figures of avarice, lust, and wrath. Many wear these masks to confuse others, many don these masks in the hopes that others have the same one, and become akin to their culture. Conformity is where the troops begin to fall into ranks, where children find what army they shall fight for (even the "non-conformists" ironically).

It seems I have esoteric knowledge of these happenings because they are still going on -but how? Do people not realize how foolish they act by giving up what is so great of the human mind and soul, our freedom. Though we share a collective mind and spirit, we can only grow the mind by venturing forth on our own paths. Am I implying that we must all live as hermits, far from all other beings, no but we need to find out things for ourselves and then conglomerate and find truth behind our individual findings, much like scientist do when they try to find some new life-form, or cure to a disease, or some mysterious new compound that may turn out to save the world, or a new napalm with which we may destroy it. I see people staring at me as I walk by, I'm not popular, but then again popularity is like bureaucracy and I despise bureaucracy ,but more on that later. They look at me with their dead masked eyes, glazed over with naive fallacy of knowing who I am and what I know, thinking I know nothing, but maybe I don't, maybe I'm behind, and it is they who are ahead. We must never forget that though in our worlds we may perceive that all we do is right, and all we do is for the best, though in someone else's world we may be the most blind of all.

I enter the school, and I feel a sort of deep depressing feeling in my heart, as if the one thing that is made to make us smart, so many are not applying to. I am able to gain much knowledge from the lectures of my teachers, and yet so many shrug them off and stay in their land of divine ignorance. Is it better to know nothing, is ignorance truly bliss? Am I the one at fault for learning, and for wanting to learn? Should I conform and find some sort of peace with myself knowing that I am accepted, or stay a pariah and know that I only do right. To do no sin, to have no lust, and to not be guilty by association; to know not how to be an accomplice. Or perhaps I could join an army and serve as the voice of reason, perhaps act as a mission priest, in a land of savages. But will they listen, or do they enjoy their God more, would they not assimilate to a more peaceable part of the human soul, the more rational one.

I walk down hallways, still empty, my bus usually arrives early giving me time to over-think my thoughts. But I guess over-thinking is better than letting even the smallest of wrongs go by my radar, allowing me to make a list of wrongs to right. Will I ever actually put my thoughts into motion? I think not, but perhaps; maybe. I want to make sense of what I think before I try to make it make sense to others. But it's still even confusing to me. To live and to conform, or to go about without the crutch of others, to allow you to get by while not seeing what you do, and to wear a mask, which both hides and stifles your potential; your potential for growth.

My mask is transparent, I will admit at least that I do wear a mask, those who wear masks often try to hide their mask with another one and lie about it saying that they have nothing to hide and are not trying to impress anyone. Our seeds are planted in sterile soil when we conform, it gives our life monotony, and paints our hearts and minds monochrome.