I See Sparks Fly Whenever You Smile

Alex

People always told me that the way you feel when you wake up on the first day of a new year was a good indication to how the rest of the year was going to be.

If that was the case, I was in big trouble for 2012. I woke up with a dull ache throbbing through my skull, my stomach ached and it tasted like something crawled in my mouth and died throughout the night.

As if all that wasn't enough, the guilt and maybe a little bit of regret I felt when I woke up to Lina next me was eating at me more than anything.

I thought it would have been more awkward, but once we were both fully awake, Lina quickly gathered her stuff and left. She said she had to meet her family and that she'd talk to me later.

I couldn't comprehend it for the life of me but it felt a little shitty that she was so quick to leave and this confused me because part of me did want her out as quick as possible.

I spent much of New Year's Day cleaning the house with Rian and Cassadee until it was time to go our separate ways and meet our families for dinner.

New Years Day dinner with my parents was mostly uneventful. Aside from my mom occasionally scolding me through gritted teeth to put my cell phone away. I had tried to hide it, but clearly my mom had been on to me and knew I was sending texts to Brook. As if I was still a teenager, my mom let me know how rude it was to do that with company over.

As much as I was thankful for the time I had hope to spend the holidays with my family, once eight or nine o'clock came around, I was exhausted and starting to feel hangover-sick again and I really needed to sleep. In my bed. Alone.

My plan to immediately go to sleep when I got back home was shot to Hell when I relieved a text from Jack asking if we could webcam. He'd been out of the country now for weeks and truth be told I missed my best friend.

"Dude, you look like Hell," Jack commented once our chat connected.

"Thanks," I rolled my eyes. It suddenly dawned on me that Jack had no idea what had been going on for the last two weeks.

"I talked to Rian before. He said you're a bit of a mess these days," Jack pointed out.

I laughed a little, shaking my head. "Mess would be too harsh for a word."

"Well, best friend is here. What's going on?"

I took a deep breath and rested back against the pillows on my bed before I dove into what had been going on in my life since I met Brook up until just this morning when Lina left my house.

Jack was silent for a moment once I was finished. I almost expected him to laugh at me and disconnect from the chat.

"So..." I broke the silence.

"I'm just thinking. I'm not entirely sure what the great tragedy is here..."

"What do you mean?" I asked confused.

"Well, let me ask you something. Have you and Brook discussed the idea of being an exclusive couple?"

"No..."

"Have you and Lina discussed the idea of getting back together officially?"

"No..."

"So, what's wrong? You're into two girls and not sure which one you want to be with, so you're playing the field. This is normal twenty-four year old dude behavior."

"Jack that all makes sense, but why do I feel so guilty about it? I mean, literally I had a pain in my stomach when I woke up this morning and Lina was there," I said.

"Lina has always been a constant in your life. You've known the girl for so many years. There's no guess work with her anymore. You know her likes and dislikes. But with this Brook girls, it's new and it's fun. But it's work."

"I care about Lina. And because she's been such a big part of my life for so long, I probably always will care about her. But I just don't know if I want to be with her again like that. I really just think we should be friends. But when I'm around her, I just don't know."

Jack nodded slowly. "Okay. And what about Brook?"

I paused for a second. A smile suddenly spreading across my face. "Brook. Brook is incredible, Jack. I think you'd really like her. She's so nice and she's got a great sense of humor. She's close with her family. And she has an amazing job. She's a high school guidance counselor. She helps kids which I think is great. We have such an awesome time together. We can talk forever and never once run out of something to say. She's so different from the other girls I've ever been into. And I-"

"Alex!" Jack interrupted me. "I get it. You clearly really like this Brook chick."

"Then why can't I control myself around Lina?" I asked.

"You have the history with Lina. But you have a whole new future with Brook. I get your confliction."

"Okay," I nodded. "So, what do you think I should do now?"

"You're in the best position right now," Jack decided. "We leave for tour in ten days."

"I don't actually see that as a good thing," I sighed.

"Hear me out," Jack nodded. "You have a whole two months now to separate yourselves from both girls. And I guarantee when you get back you'll know what you want to do."

"What makes you so sure?" I asked, hopeful.

"You'll see which one you missed more. I guarantee it works. Trust me."

"I hope so, dude," I said, laughing at how convincing he was being. "So, you really don't think I'm being an asshole?"

"Alex, you know I'd tell you if I thought you were being an asshole. I've done it in the past. But I can honestly tell you that in this situation, where nothing is official with either girl, it's not a terrible thing."

"You're sure?"

He nodded. "Totally. But you just have to make sure you end this for good with Lina before you move forward with Brook."

I blinked a few times before I could speak. "What?" was all I could say.

"Just by the way you were talking about her, I could tell it's kind of the real deal with this girl. Did you notice you never once mentioned what she looked like? No wise crack about her boobs or her ass..."

I smiled a little, picturing Brook in my mind. "Jack, she's beautiful. And it's that inside and outside kind of beautiful, yanno?"

"I think I figured it out!" Jack shouted, excitedly.

"What now?"

"You're intimidated by her." Jack decided this time.

"What? No. She's not like -"

"Hear me out. She's a nice girl, family oriented, good head on her shoulders. She seens kind of wholesome."

I nodded. "Yeah. And?"

"And you're not exactly the most wholesome person out there. You're afraid you're not good enough for her. You're afraid you're going to fall too hard for her and she's going to bail on you. And you're going to get hurt all over again like you did with-"

"I get it," I cut Jack off before he could finish that last sentence. He didn't really need to. He'd said enough. And he was essentially right.

"Whether you chose to believe it or not Alex, you're a good guy. You deserve a nice girl. And you deserve to be happy. You don't have to subject yourself to a life of Lina forever because you're afraid to pursue someone else."

I shrugged. "It wouldn't be the worst thing."

"Of course not," Jack nodded. "But if it's not what you really want, it's definitely the worst thing."

He was making so much sense which was odd because he was Jack and Jack didn't make much sense with serious conversations much.

"Thanks, dude," I smiled. "I kind of feel better now."

Jack smiled. "That's what I'm here for. Jack Barakat, saving the world, one love struck dude at a time."