I See Sparks Fly Whenever You Smile

Brook

After my talk outside with Matt I managed to compose myself enough to go back on the bus and convince everyone that I was a mostly sane individual. Jack well deservingly and very obviously kept his distance from me and it made me feel terrible.

I was stressed out and scared out of my mind but that was no excuse for me to take it out on him like I had. I don't know what it is about Jack and his little nuisances that only a normal basis just make me giggle but in my new found state of insanity, almost everything he said or did made me snap.

I think it's because deep down I know no matter how bad I snap on him, he'll never completely take it serious and eventually we'd work it out. That's just how Jack was. But it wasn't fair to do to him.

Alex seemed beyond worried but I was able to ease his mind for the time being. I told him I was just super tired and very cranky and I guess he of all people would know I had spent the last few nights tossing and turning.

I went through the motions throughout the rest of the day. I followed the guys around from their main stage set to their acoustic set and snuck off with Emily to watch Yellowcard while the guys did a signing.

I wanted to tell her everything that was going on with me. I wanted to have another girl around to tell me that I was crazy and there was enough against me to say I wasn't pregnant than there was to say I was pregnant.

Really, I just wanted someone to tell me it was going to be okay. And I wanted that someone to be my boyfriend. But I had to find the nerve to tell him first. By the end of Yellowcard's set I had somehow convinced myself that I was going to tell Alex tonight. We would be in a hotel room alone and I would be able to tell him everything with no interruptions.
*****

"So, are you sure you're okay?" Alex asked me as soon as we got inside our hotel room for the night. "You've been kind of quiet today - Minus the part where you were screaming at Jack." He added chuckling at the end of of his sentence in an attempt to lighten the mood.

I cracked a smile, flopping my suit case down on the bed. "I told you, I'm just tired," I said quickly, starting to get cold feet as I dug through my suitcase for pajamas.

"Okay," he said, coming up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist, causing me to jump slightly when his hands brushed my stomach.

He paused for a second, probably gauging whether or not he wanted to mention my jump.

"I'll be right back," I mumbled, spinning around in his arms and kissing his cheek before taking my clothes with me in the bathroom.

I took my time changing and getting myself ready for bed. All day I knew I needed to talk to Alex tonight, but I still wasn't prepared.

After way more than enough time passed, I exited the bathroom, finding Alex sitting Indian style on top of the bed in his pajamas playing around with the TV remote.

"Hey," he looked up at me with a smile.

"We need to talk," I blurted out.

Surprisingly he nodded in agreement. "Yeah. We do."

I took a deep breath and climbed up on the bed with my boyfriend. I sat against the wall, bringing my knees up to my chest and wrapping my arms around them.

"Look, I-" I started.

"Can I go first?" Alex interrupted. "I think I know what this is about actually

"You do?" I asked, my eyes widening.

Alex nodded. "I understand that you're freaking out about this. It's not a big deal. And I promise, it's not going to influence me to pressure you into marriage or anything," Alex said, sounding relatively calm.

I blinked a few times, a little shocked. "So, you're just okay with this? Like, it's not life changing or anything?"

Alex laughed. "I hardly think this is life changing. I mean - it happens all the time."

I nodded slowly. "I suppose you're right. But right now we're talking about us. It's a big deal, Alex. Huge even."

"Brook," Alex tilted his head to the side. "Come on. It isn't that serious. And Jack feels terrible. Can't we just move on?"

"Jack knows?" I gasped and Alex raised an eyebrow at me.

"Of course he does. He did it. Remember?"

I sighed. "Alex, I don't think we're talking about the same thing."

"I'm starting to see that." Alex said slowly. "What are you talking about?" he asked.

I shook my head. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the picture Jack posted of you and me with that stupid comment."

I looked at him for a second, trying to remember what he was talking about.

"Wait," it suddenly dawned on me. "You think I've been acting like this because Jack posted a cute picture of us with a sweet comment?"

He nodded slowly. "He mentioned marriage..."

I cracked a tiny smile. "And you thought that because Jack said we should get married that I thought you thought that too?"

He nodded slowly, looking a little embarrassed. "I guess I was wrong?"

"So wrong!" I assured him, squeezing his arm lightly. "I love now much Jack supports our relationship. I thought it was so cute that he posted that."

"Okay. Good," Alex smiled, leaning over and kissing me gently. "So, what's up?" he asked.

I froze for a moment. He looked so incredibly relieved that I wasn't freaked out by this silly marriage thing, this baby thing was going to completely terrify him.

"Brook? What's wrong?" he asked, panic over taking his voice when I busted into tears.

"I-I don't know how to tell you this," I cried, my voice cracking between each sob.

"Baby, what is it?" he asked, soothingly rubbing circles on my back.

I looked away from him, unable to see his face when I told him what I needed to.

"Alex, I might be pregnant."

Almost an entire minute passed where Alex didn't say a word. If it wasn't for the fact that his hand dropped from my back, I would think he didn't even hear me.

"What?" was all he said when he found his voice.

"I might be p-" he help up his hand to silence me before I finished the sentence.

"How?" was his next question.

I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself enough so I could actually speak clearly.

"Remember when I got sick after Hawaii and was on those antibiotics?"

He nodded. "Yeah. And I know antibiotics cancel out birth control. I bought condoms, remember?"

I nodded. "Yes. But right after I was put on the antibiotics, I changed my birth control. So I think my body wasn't used to everything by the time we stopped using the condoms."

I made the mistake of looking up at Alex. He had so many emotions in his eyes - mostly fear and worry. It was killing me.

"You said that you might be pregnant. Why did you say might?"

"Because I didn't know one-hundred percent. I took two tests a few days ago. One said positive and the other said negative."

"The other day? You've been dealing with this for a few days?" he asked shocked.

I shrugged. "About a week really."

"Brook," he gasped. "Why didn't you say anything sooner?"

"I didn't want to freak you out over nothing. I thought I could handle it. But clearly my behavior lately says otherwise."

He sighed and put his hand over my knee and squeezed it lightly. "What do we so next?" he asked.

I shrugged, my eyes welling up with tears again. "We find out for sure."

Alex nodded. "And how do we do that?"

"Matt's going to find us a doctor in the area tomorrow since it's a day off."

"Matt knows?"

"He figured it out," I nodded. "He called me out this morning. When he stopped me from almost murdering Jack."

"Okay," Alex nodded.

I turned my body a bit to face him. "Why are you being so calm right now?"

He shook his head. "I'm not calm. Believe me. I'm just not sure what good freaking out will do. I think I may be in a bit of shock."

"I'm sorry," I looked away again. "I understand if this changes your mind about things"

"Changes my mind on what things?"

I shrugged, tears slipping onto my cheeks. "About me. About us. I know how crazy your schedule is over the rest of the year and if I am really am pregnant-"

"Whoa. Whoa. Whoa..." he said, waving his arms around. "You think I'm just going to leave you because of this?"

"I don't... I don't know," I said quietly.

"After everything we have been through - you just think I would bail when you would need me the most?"

"I hoped not. It's just- a baby is a big deal, Alex."

"No shit, Brook. And you actually thought that I would leave you to do this alone?"

"I don't want to hold you back, Alex," I cried. "This is going to ruin everything you've worked for."

He shook he head standing up from the bed and tossing his arms up in the air in frustration.

"Don't you think I deserve the right to decide that or not? I can't believe that's the kind of guy you think I am."

"It's not be guy I think you are. Not even close. Obviously I'm not thinking entirely clearly and I was so afraid of doing this alone that I had to prepare myself for the possibility"

"Well forget it. Because it's not happening. Do you understand me, Brook? I don't care if we go to the doctor tomorrow and he says there are seven babies in there, I'm not going anywhere," he was almost yelling at me. I realized how badly I'd hurt his feelings.

I nodded, looking up at him slowly. "I'm sorry," I whispered and his demeanor softened considerably before be sat back on the bed and wrapped his arms around me in a tight hug.

"It's going to be okay, Brook. I love you and I promise we are going to get through this."

Alex

My brain had been running close to a thousand miles a minute once Brook confessed that she might be pregnant. I was terrified. Absolutely scared to fucking death. What the hell did I know about pregnancy and raising a child? Not a damn thing. But I did know that I love my girlfriend and she needs me now more than ever. I couldn't let Brook see how freaked out I really was. It wouldn't do either one of us any good.

"I'm so scared, Alex," Brook whispered, looking up at me through her tears. "I don't know if I can do this."

"Hey," I said softly, trying to compose myself and find the best encouraging words for her. "We don't even know if we have to do this yet, remember?"

She nodded slowly and I wiped some of her tears off her face with my thumb.

"We're going to go to the doctor tomorrow and we will find out for sure then. After, if there is something that we need to worry about - we will worry then. But for now why don't we just calm down and try and get some sleep, okay?"

She nodded slowly again. "Sleep?"

"Yes. I think you really need it," I told her, inching her body back a bit so she was at the head of the bed again.

"Okay," she said sleepily as she attempted to make herself comfortable.

I barely rested my head on a pillow before she was darting back up again and shaking her head furiously.

"But Alex what if I am pregnant? What are we going to do? What if it's twins? What if it's triplets? What if it's three boys and I'm stuck at home with them while you're on the road? I can't handle that on my own. I can't-"

"Brook, you're going to make yourself sick. Please calm down," I begged her, sitting up and reaching for her hand. "I know it's sort of your thing to over think and over analyze every situation until you've come up with a proper solution to each, but that's not going to help you here. Please, please, please try to relax, okay?"

She took a few deep breaths and I brushed some hair off her face. "Okay. I'll try."

"Thank you," I smiled slightly before pressing a kiss to her forehead.

I laid back down and Brook moved with me, immediately pressing herself into my side and resting her head on my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around her and gently ran a finger up and down her arm. I'd learned over the passed months that this simple gesture was enough to almost immediately put her to sleep.

"Alex," Brook's voice sounded so small and so soft.

"Yeah?"

"Can you sing to me?"

She had requested me to sing to her in bed a handful of times and each time I bashfully denied her for my own lame insecurities. But there was something about tonight and the way she asked that I just could not say no.

"Okay," I said softly, kissing the top of her head gently to buy myself a couple of more seconds to figure out what song to sing. Then- it came to me.

I'll be there for you
These five words I swear to you
When you breath, I want to be the air for you
I'll be there for you
I'd live and I'd die for you
I'd steal the sun from the sky for you
Words can't say what love can do
I'll be there for you...