I See Sparks Fly Whenever You Smile

Brook

Since the day Alex left my house, we haven't spoke. Once the first few days after had passed and I hadn't heard from him, I figured I really had ruined it. Ale had given up on us, just like I had. I guess I got what I wanted.

Shooting up in bed about a week after that final conversation with Alex, I scrambled to find my ringing cell phone in the darkness of my room. When I finally found it, my stomach tightened in the most uncomfortable way. It was 1:12 in the morning and Alex's mom was calling me.

I rubbed the sleep from my eyes before I accepted the call.

"H-Hello?" I answered.

"Brook, honey, I'm so sorry to call so late," the older British woman spoke and it sounded like she was struggling not to cry.

That's when I knew she wasn't just calling to see how I was doing after the break up.

"There was an accident..." was the last clear thing I could remember her saying. After that, everything went fuzzy.

When I finally got off the phone with Isobel, my bedroom door opened and Jenn turned on the light and walked in. I could see there were tears in her eyes.

"There was an accident," she said too.

I nodded. "I know. Alex's mom just called. She offered for me to get a ride with them to the hospital."

Jenn nodded and took a few steps closer and sat at the edge of my bed. "Do you think I could come too?"

"Of course," I said, giving her hand a squeeze.

My head was spinning and I was having a really hard time making sense of any of the information I was just given.

Jenn looked up at me sadly. "Did she tell you anything?"

I shrugged. "I think so. But I kind of zoned out after she said accident."

"Matt's the one that called me. He didn't say much. He just said they were coming back from the radio station Christmas show in Pittsburgh and it was snowing. Alex offered to drive because Matt didn't feel good..."

I squeezed my eyes shut tight as she kept talking.

"The van hit a patch of black ice and slammed into the median before flipping on its side..."

I shook my head and held my hands up. "Stop," I squeaked out. "I don't want to hear anymore. Just tell me everyone is okay."

Jenn shrugged. "Matt didn't know how bad everyone was. He was okay. Bumps and bruises mostly. They're in a hospital outside of Pittsburgh."

"He didn't say anything about Alex?"

Jenn shook her head. "Brook..."

I felt like she was keeping something from me to keep me calm. But not knowing was making it so much worse.

"Please, Jenn. If you know something, tell me..." I pleaded with her.

"Look, all I know is that they're at the hospital. Alex was in with the doctors and he didn't know anything yet. Jack's got a busted foot and everyone else has cuts and bruises probably needing stitches."

I grabbed my phone and dialed Alex's number.

"What are you doing?" Jenn asked.

"I just need to hear his voice. If I hear his voice, I'll know he's okay."

The phone rang about six times before it connected to his voicemail and the tears started to pour from my eyes.

Jenn grabbed the phone from my hand and disconnected the call, tossing the phone away from us.

"Don't fall apart, okay? Everything is going to be alright. We just have to stay strong."

I nodded, wiping my face with the corner of the sheet on my bed. "What if he's not okay? What if something terrible happened and I never get to..." I trailed off choking on my own words.

"He knows that you love him, Brook." Jenn finished for me. "Why do you think this break up frustrates him so much?"

I jumped up from the bed and started grabbing clothes from my drawer, looking for anything that matched well enough to wear to the hospital.

"If you're coming to the hospital, you should get ready. They'll be here soon," I said, changing the subject and taking my pile of clothes to change into to the bathroom.

As we waited for Alex's parents, I called mine to let them know what was going on. My mom started to cry but my dad tried his best to give me encouraging words. He made me promise keep them updated on how everyone was.
*****

The drive up to Pittsburgh may have been the longest of my life. All I wanted to do was get to the hospital and see everyone so I knew that my imagination was making everything so much worse than it really was.

Upon arrival to the hospital, we all rushed into the emergency room waiting room. Mr. and Mrs. Gaskarth immediately ran to the nurses station to inquire about their son. Jenn pointed out Matt on the other side of the room and I took off for him.

"Matt," I said before wrapping my arms around him and hugging him right. I didn't even realize he was on the phone.

He wrapped one arm around me in a half hug as he ended his call.

"I love you, too, Mom," he said. "Bye." He shoved his phone in his pocket before giving me a real hug.

"Hey," he said quietly as I tried not to cry.

"Are you okay? What happened? Where is everyone else? How are they? Where is Alex?" I shot this questions so rapid fire at Matt that I almost didn't notice Alex's mon breakdown as she and his father spoke with a doctor before they were lead through a set of swinging doors.

"It's all my fault," Matt mumbled, glancing in the direction were the Gaskarths had just walked. It seemed like Matt knew what was passed those doors.

"What?" I asked, turning back to him, glancing at Jenn quickly.

Matt sounded like he was getting choked up. "It's my fault. I could have prevented this."

"Matt, this is not your fault," Jenn said and I nodded.

"I told everyone we should have just stayed the night here and wait for the morning to drive back to Baltimore. But they convinced me we'd be fine to drive. But I knew it was going to be bad."

"Matt, you couldn't have known this was going to happen..."

"I knew Alex wasn't himself. I knew he was a little off - had been for a little while and I still let him drive. I was being selfish because I didn't feel well and just wanted to sleep and didn't want to have to drive myself."

I swallowed hard. Not crying was becoming significantly harder to do. If Alex really wasn't himself, that was probably because of me. And it took everything in me not to start blaming all this on myself.

Probably reading my mind, Jenn started talking to try and ease both of our minds.

"It was an accident. They happen. And they happen to good people in shitty times. But there is no controlling them. It was the ice. None of us could have stopped it. I didn't matter who was driving," Jenn said.

"How is Alex?" I asked again, realizing that the answer to the question would not be good seeing how his mother was acting and that I still hadn't heard the answer.

Matt squeezed his eyes shut for a second before he let out a long breath.

"He hit his head pretty hard, Brook. He's got a pretty big gash across his forehead," he paused.

I was starting to feel lightheaded. I was certain by the end of this conversation, I would either vomit or pass out.

"He unconscious, Brook." Matt finally finished.

Everything around me suddenly started to slip away. There were so many emotions coursing through my body, I was sure what to do.

"What about Jack?" Jenn asked, her arm around my waist. While it was a comforting gesture, I knew she was also doing to keep me from falling over.

"He will be okay. His foot is all busted. They're doing x-rays and stuff to see if he needs surgery or just a cast."

I heard Jenn let out a small sigh of relief knowing that Jack was going to be okay. She was never going to let me see how freaked out this was all making her.

"Can I see him?" I asked. My voice was a whisper. At least that's how it sounded to me.

"I don't know," Matt shrugged. "Given his condition, the doctors are pretty strict about who can go in his room. They probably only want family."

And that's when I broke down. I wasn't Alex's family. I wasn't his girlfriend. I didn't even know if I was his friend.

"Don't cry, Brook," Matt comforted me, pulling me into a hug as I cried into his chest. "I will make sure you get in there to see him. I promise."

"Thank you," I nodded, squeezing Matt a little before I let him go and looked up at him. "I'm so glad you're okay."

"Me too," he cracked a smile.

The next hour passed by extremely slow. Alex's parents were still in the room with Alex and the doctors. Part of me desperately wanted to be in there, to see him and to know exactly was was going on. But the other part of me was not ready to see Alex laid up in a hospital bed.

The rest of the band and crew that was in the van and countless members of their families trickled in and out of the waiting room. It seemed Alex and Jack sustained the worst injuries.

"Brook," Rian nudged my shoulder from his seat next to me and I jumped, lifting my head from his shoulder and blinking a few times. I must have drifted off too sleep.

I looked up at Rian who gestured to Alex's mom and dad coming back into the waiting room.

Before I could will my legs to stand, they were making their way to me. Mrs. Gaskarth looked a little more calm than she had when she went in. But Mr. Gaskarth looked very tired and very stressed.

Mrs. Gaskarth grabbed my hands as they stood in front of me. She updated me on Alex's condition and I could tell she was struggling to keep it together.

From what I could comprehend, Alex was unconscious from severe impact to his head during the crash. From the scans they'd done so far, nothing showed signs of drastic permanent damage. There was a chance when he woke up he could experience some memory loss. It was hard for them to tell when he would wake up though. Could be tomorrow... Next week... Even next month.

"The doctors don't want everyone in and out if his room all day while he's here. Just immediate family," Isobel explained.

"I understand," I nodded. "Don't-"

"I told them you were Alex's fiancée," his dad said. "I know things were kind of messy with you guys before this, but I know how you feel about him still. And I know he would want you in there."

I felt a sad smile form on my lips as I pulled both of Alex's parents into a hug. "I'm so sorry this happened."

After Isobel, Peter and myself released each other, they told me I could go in to see Alex if I wanted. I was terrified to go in there alone, so I asked Rian to come with me.

"Have you seen him yet?" I asked Rian as we stood outside the door.

Rian shook his head. "Not since they pulled him from the van and put him in the ambulance."

I nodded, wiping at the tears that were rolling down my cheeks. At this point I didn't even realize when I started crying again.

"Ready to do this?" Rian asked, slipping his hand into mine.

I nodded yes, squeezing his hand and realizing what a wonderful friend Rian had always been to me.

Slowly and quietly, Rian pushed to door open and we both tip toed into the room.

The walls were bare and white. All that filled the room was a few uncomfortable looking plastic chairs and a tiny wooden table against the wall.

The bed was in the middle of the room, surrounded by different pieces of medical machinery that somehow hooked up to Alex somewhere. I avoided looking directly at him. I wasn't ready.

Rian squeezed my hand again and I let out a shaky breath. "Come on," he said and lead me over to the side of the bed. "It's best to just get it over with."

I nodded and finally let myself look at Alex. If not for the setting around him and the giant, white bandage on his forehead, it looked just like he was sleeping.

"Alex," I whispered, reaching for his hand with the one that wasn't clutched to Rian.

I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to do. All I knew was that this was the hardest thing I ever had to handle.

I rubbed my thumb over the top of his hand, the steady beep of the heart monitor the only sound in the room. It was oddly comforting.

"Say something to him," Rian said quietly after we stood there just looking at him for a while.

"Like what?" I asked, glancing at Rian.

He shrugged. "I don't know..."

I let go of Rian's hand and wiped at the tears in my eyes before gently tracing the outline of Alex's face with my fingers. I let out a deep breath before I spoke.

"I love you."