The Outcome

“You fucking went and did what?!?”

Erick hardly ever raised his voice at me, but even I knew I deserved his temper this time. I hadn’t even told him the whole story yet, but it didn’t really matter. The outcome was still the same. I had ruined the mission of spying on Jacob and he kinda knew about me and the pack.

“We were just walking though the woods when the vampire came out of no where. I didn’t smell him, I…I was distracted.”

“Vampire!?!” he yelled back at me. At this point I was never going to get my story out.

“Yes, Erick, a vampire. Attacked Jacob and I. In the woods. Of La Push, Washington In the United….”

“Shut the hell up being stupid, Macie. Why am I not finding your body in the woods somewhere?”

“He phased in front of me and killed him. He kind of had no choice, but now he’s not talking to me, s-“

“Why isn’t he talking to you?” Brayden interrupted.

“Well, the vampire kind of got his hands on me and threw me into a tree. Jacob didn’t stick around long enough for me to explain how I was still alive.”

Erick’s head whipped around to face me once again. “So you mean to tell me you let the secret out of the bag too? I can’t even fucking believe this.”

“Umm, vampire, Erick; there was nothing I could do. I know you’re mad, but think of how I feel.”

“How you feel? How you feel? This move, the half-assed progress, watching you play Lovesick Lucy with that puppy is all going to waste and you want me to think of how you feel? Fuck you, Macie.”

“Watch how you talk to her, Erick.” Donavan stepped in.

“Fuck you too, Donavan. When you report back to the elders about why this all went to shit, make sure mention her name!”

And then he was gone.

How was I supposed to fix something that never even really got to start?

That night before I went to bed I tried to put things into perspective. I had only known this boy for about four months, that wasn’t enough time to be all in love was it? And the beginning intentions of my interest in him wasn’t the purest to begin with anyway right? But when I thought back to that first meeting in the lunch room I knew I was wrong on both accounts. Knocked to the ground with the power of our eyes meeting, something so strong it sent an ending through me that I still didn’t fully understand. As I slipped under the cover of sleep, I dreamt of those instances together that I’d almost let myself take for granted.

~*~

Jacob and I lounged on the couch at his house, eyes faced toward the small television in the living room, but more aware of each other’s body heat seeping though our clothes. Things between us were much more comfortable at the moment. I still blushed whenever Jake said something nice to me, but I could hold a steady conversation with him without sounding like an idiot. And we did hold lots of conversations, talking about anything and everything for hours. It was different than what I had with Erick. It felt less physical and more physical all at the same time. Notes playing silently through shared headphone and we were in tune, bobbing to the beat.

Billy, Jake’s father, was somewhere in the back of the house, rearranging the something. The scrap of his chair against the door frame was a constant reminder of his presence and that he didn’t need any help, no matter how many times we asked him. I wasn’t quite sure where he stood on his feelings about me seeing his son. I’d become a reoccurring presence at the house and he was always polite in greeting me, almost happy to see me the more I came over. Yet, just as I was insure of him, he was in turn unsure of me. I had caught glimpses of talk around school of another girl Jake had sorta been seeing before I move here, a Bella character that went to school in Forks and was making quite the stir over there.

But I wasn’t too concerned about her at the moment, I’d never met or seen her, and it was me he had his arm wrapped around on the couch. I snuggled in a little deeper

“Can I ask you something, Macie?” Jake whispered into my hair. The soft caress of his breath traveled to the back of my neck and I shivered despite his body heat.

“Sure, what is it?” I whispered back up at him.

“What is going on between you and Erick? I mean, I see the way you act with him. Like he has some kind of power over you. And he clearly hates my guts.”

I paused with my answer, it would be tricky. “Erick kind of took care of me when I was first put with everyone. He always knows what’s best for us.”

“I get that.” Jacob said, nodding his head into my hair. “But, did you guys have something or…”

I sighed into his shoulder, knowing I couldn’t lie to him about this. “Yeah, we used to. But it wasn’t real the way things are with…with us. I was really young and thought it was something it wasn’t.” I took the chance of looking up into his eyes and the world didn’t shift, but something in my heart did.

“Good.”

~*~

Jake wasn’t at school the next day. I looked for him after every class and at lunch, but he never showed. The rest of the boys, and Leah, were there but I chose not to sit with them. I figured Jacob had told them his side of the story and they wouldn't want to hear from me until things were right with him.

Instead I sat with my pack and listened to them argue over something I wasn't exactly following. I’d look over at the La Push pack longingly every couple minutes until Eric called me out on it.

“You know they’ll never accept you, right?”

“What?”

“The La Push puppies. Despite the little fantasy you’re got going on with Jeremiah, they’ll never accept you as one of them.”

“His name is Jacob and I don’t care what you think. Besides I’m not thinking of joining them.”

Even though I knew how this conversation would end, I looked at him waiting to hear his whisper. The soft, spiteful caress that kept me up at night, dreading the next day, next week, the rest of my life.

“He’ll never love you the way I do, Macie, never.”

Instead of bothering with a reply, I gathered my things and stomped off from the table. Tears prickled up and spilled over because I knew Eric was right about everything.

The glares from Sam’s pack confirmed it.