The Outcome

It was like having an out of body experience.

I don’t really know much about my parents or the history of where I come from. I mean, I know the rules and all that stuff, the laws of our people, but I’ve always felt that the information I’ve received has been very specific.

Erick’s shoulders got tense, but I chose to ignore it.

I think everyone thought I was pretty normal when I was born, I showed no abnormalities as an infant until the incident when I was three or four years old. I think that was when I had my first vision. Sometimes, when I’m dreaming, I think I can remember pieces of what it was, but then I wake up and I have no recollection of anything. Anyway, I was left in a room with one of those big mirrors, Y’know? Not the ones that are on top of dressers or makeup tables, but the really huge ones that stand on their own, even bigger than the ones you hang on the back of the closet door.

Leah rolled her eyes. Jacob looked into the fire.

Anyway, one minute I was fine and then whoever was watching me heard this big crash and ran in to see what happened. And there I was, surrounded by broken pieces of broken mirror fragments, all cut up and bloody, but I wasn’t even crying. Just banging on the wooden backing of the mirror like I was looking for something there.

The next couple of years are pretty much a blur, but by the time I was nine I knew that I had an ability and so did the Elders that governed over my pack. I remember always feeling like I was in a doctor’s office, always testing all the time. I would go after school for hours, then before and after my training sessions. I was stating to feel like a freak when they told me that other wolves have had abilities before they reached puberty; that once I turned thirteen everything would be normal for me.

Then my thirteenth birthday rolled around and I was finally going to be normal. I would take the advanced level training for shifters and really be apart of the pack. No more tests, no more poking, no more prodding, and no more being terrified of looking in the mirror. So, I waited.

I waited for the pricking, for ripping, for the change of muscle, for anything; but nothing came. My people have this big ceremony when there are female wolves. Everyone comes out and brings gifts, but it’s more than just a birthday party. It’s this honoring right of passage, especially since both my parents were pure blood wolves, no tainting in the history of either of their families; so rare.

There were tears in my eyes now. Hot streaks down my cheeks. I couldn’t look away from the fire.

I remember standing in my room with my ceremony dress on and knowing that I wasn’t going to change. There was nothing there and I would have to go out there and face everyone with the truth when the moon rose and I was still just a girl. My parents walked into the doorway and told me it was time to go, but I couldn’t bear to look at them. I tired to tell them that I didn’t want to go, that it didn’t feel right. They just laughed and told me it was just nerves, everyone feels this way before their first turn. I wish I had looked at their faces now, wish I could have seen a hit of softness in my mother’s face, and see a smile on my father’s mouth. But I just kept my head down and headed out to the gathering.

I was getting off track now and tears dripped off my chin and onto my chest. I couldn’t stop now though. I had to get it out.

I wish I would have seen their faces before. The night was perfect and the moonlight shone directly on me that night, just like it was supposed to, but nothing happened. Not a spark, not a ripple of skin; I even prayed for a painful transformation. The snapping of bones and the spilling of blood would have been better that nothing. I looked at my parents face then and their matching looked of confused, disgusted disappointment is the only image I have of them in my head. They left me there after that, I haven’t seen them since that night.

A sound between a howl and a sob rocked out of me at that point and I had to stop. I clutched at my chest until the points where my fingertips met my skin were white finger shaped spots. Catching my breath I looked at the faces of those who accused me of being something I wasn’t and saw the understanding in their eyes. I locked eyes with Jacob, finally, and the pity I saw there almost made me break down again. I wasn’t quite forgiven, but for the first time since I got here I wasn’t thinking about his feelings.

After that my life returned to how it was. I went to school, went to training, and had daily meetings with the Elders. It was found out that my blood still carried some essence of pack within it. I can run pretty fast, my reflexes fast, and more strength than the average human man. I also have an accelerated healing process, but sometimes if the injury is too severe; my body passes out to accommodate the healing. That’s what happened in the clearing with Jake.

When I got old enough, the boys and I got sent out on our first few jobs, close to home, taking care of vampire problems in the area. When I proved myself to not be a liability, we got bigger and bigger jobs until the one right before this one. We were in New York for a while, taking down the numbers in each borrow little by little. We had completely cleared one when we got the call that there were a pack in Washington working in conjunction with a group of vampires. We were sent here to get close to you, find out what you were up to, and if it came to foul play – end it.

So, I’m sorry I lied to you, it was the plan we were given before we got to know the people you were and we couldn’t let it just defy orders. Our intentions might have been forced, but the relationships were very real – from all of us. It’s up to you what you do with all this now, because weather you like it or not, we will not stand for the harming of humans by vampires. If you’re working with them, we will report it and go to war with them, we don’t care if they’re friends.

Sam took this moment to speak up, his voice weary: “It’s not what you think about the vampires in Forks.” I didn’t know where all this strength came from.

Yeah, I fucking hope not. Erick, I’m going home.

And with that, I started my run back to Donavan’s house near the forest, back to my room and cried myself to sleep under the cover. Thankfully, when I really didn’t need to, I didn’t dream.

Only rested.