The Outcome

I stayed upstairs in my room for as long as I could the next day, waiting until I was sure that everyone had left the house. No one knocked on my door to see if I was okay, but I saw a shadow hovering behind it several times. Like whomever it was wanted to knock but changed their mind at the last second.

I didn’t dwell on yesterday’s conversation too long, just rummaged through my closet until I found a suitable outfit to wear over Jacob’s house later. He checked in with me through text to see if I was still coming over. After a quick conformation, I let my heart swell and processed the energy to get myself together and ready.

Even with something as simple as a message, he made me forget all the problems I was going through here at home. That was what I liked about him, he made me feel important, part of something for everything I was and everything I wasn’t. He didn’t want me because of my blood, because he felt obligated, he liked for me for me. I knew it was true when he learned the truth about me and still came back. He wasn’t disappointed in what I wasn’t; shocked and confused maybe, but ever accepting.

He made me feel like a teenager; sweaty palms and fluttering heart. He made me feel others things too. Things that made blood rush from every other part of my body to pool and collect somewhere else. It was a rush that made me want to risk the life I’d always know and the boundaries set for me that always kept me safe. He was the warmest Caribbean ocean and I was at the cliff overlooking the view. By that time I’d made it to the door and he swung it open before I had the chance to knock. He grinned and I flung myself off the edge.

~~~

It was raining outside but I had never been so hot in my entire life.

Jacob and I sat on the couch, watching a movie on a tiny television, my back pressed close against his front. I could feel his body heat seeping through my shirt and his heart seemed to beat through my spine in time with my own. I was trying to focus on the movie but his fingers were tracing patterns, warm and intricate little patterns, on the side of my arm and it sent sparks of heat directly to my bloodstream. I was afraid steam was beginning to rise off of me.

I had almost put myself in the right mindset to focus on the movie when Jacob’s finger grazed their way up my arm to my neck. He stopped them on the base of my neck, right where my shoulder began, and applied just a bit of pressure. My breathing sped up and my eyes rolled back a little and I could feel his eyes on me, even in the dark. Taking his other hand he brushed my hair away from my neck, leaving my skin bare. His fingers on my neck left and were replaced by his lips.

My moan of pleasure surprised me, but I didn’t have time to be embarrassed, because Jacob was still kissing my neck; and leaving small, warm nips all over. I tilted my head to the side and arched back against his touch.

As nice as it was, it wasn’t enough for long, and my body began to take over my thoughts. I flipped around on his lap, straddling him, and kissed him properly on the mouth. Fire exploded behind my eyelids and stained them red. This was unlike anything I’d ever felt before; this was the farthest we’d ever been together.

I clutched to him, holding on tight to the back of his head, and his arms pulled me in closer and closer to him. My face was slick with sweat, but so was Jake’s. It should have disgusted me, I should have pulled away and got control of my hormones.

But as our shirts rolled up a bit from rubbing against each other, and our scorching skin touched each other, and Jacob kissed me harder than before, and he paused only long enough to moan out my name in that deep voice of his- I knew I wouldn't be able to force myself away from him. And it didn’t seem like Jake was going to slow us down, either.

So Billy did it for us.

I usually heard Billy’s wheelchair scrape past the door frame on his way in, but because my thoughts were occupied elsewhere-mainly Jake’s mouth, his voice startled us both:

“What’s going on in here?”

I squeaked out some sound of surprise and ripped myself away for Jake’s lips. I jumped up to my feet so fast that I lost my balance and almost toppled over into the coffee table- had one of Jacob’s long brown arms not reached out and grabbed the front of my shirt, stretching the fabric in his fist to save me from a wooden death.

Suddenly I wasn’t so hot anymore. My burning passion had been replaced with cold embarrassment and I couldn’t look Jake or Billy in the eye. I had to get out and away.

“I-I was just leaving, Mr. Black. I’ll se-see you tomorrow.”

I made a run for the side door leading outside from the kitchen. I’d made it almost to the end of the driveway, muddy from the rain, before Jacob caught up with me.

“Macie, wait!”

I stopped, but refused to look at him. The rain outside was still coming down in icy, cold sheets, but my embarrassment flushed my cheeks red hot. I was currently going through so many emotions: anger, humiliation, excitement, and something else I wasn’t quite used to: unsatisfied lust.

“Just don’t say anything, I can’t take it.” I was yelling at him. But he only laughed back at me.

“Oh, c’mon Macie. It’s not that bad, it’s actually pretty funny.”

“I’m not laughing. I’m going home, see you later.” I was pissed now, my heart was threatening to fall out of my chest and leave me behind while Jacob laughed his huge head off.

I stepped off to begin the walk home, but I’d been standing in one spot too long and my sneakers sank into the ground a bit. Yanking my foot up with too much force, then the rest of me was in the mud, face first. Great.

Jake’s roaring laughter made me want to bury myself even deeper into the mud. This is what being a normal teenager was like. I was never coming back here. I should have never come in the first place.

Warm hands picked me up out of the mud and placed me on my feet again. Still laughing, Jacob attempted to wipe the grime off of my shirt. “Jesus, Bella; nice going…” He paused realizing what he’s done, but it was too late. The damage was done.

“Bella?”

“Fuck, I didn’t mean to call you that.” He laughed it off as if it was natural for her to be on his mind. “Come back inside, I’ll find some clothes for you to put on a take you back.”

“Just forget it, okay! I’ll just get Eric to get me some clean clothes.” I yelled at him. In the next instant I zipped my lips closed.

“Fine,” Jacob told me, “go get clothes from Eric.”

He spit the name out like it tasted bad on his lips and let me go, shoving himself backwards towards the house. He didn’t even realize how her name made me feel the same way. Still, my heart contracted in shame and regret weighted it down.

“Wait, Jake! I’m sorry!” I called after him.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” He called back. He didn’t even stop walking until he was slamming the door shut behind him. The wood of the door frame shook a little from the force of his strength. Sighing, I did the only thing I could do.

I left.

~~~

The past few days had been hell on me and I had nothing else to do but think about it on the walk back home; all muddy and drenched in rain. Erick hated me, Brayden hated me, the rest of the boys probably hated me, and Jacob and I had managed to piss each other off right after we got back together. Granted, this little argument would probably boil over the next day since he did still want to see me tomorrow, but my life felt like a constant soap opera. All I wanted to do know was get into the shower and wash all of the mud off of me; as well as the lingering heat from Jake’s fingers. Then, crawl under my covers and wait for the upcoming school day. At least getting my ass kicked by science wouldn't be personal.

All of these things sounded wonderful and possible until I noticed my luggage sitting outside on the porch, protected from the rain by plastic trash bags. What the fuck? I tried the handle, ready to raise hell about this stupid prank, but the door wouldn't budge. I didn’t have a key, we never locked the door; I mean a house full of wolves didn’t really have to worry about robberies. That meant that this wasn’t a joke. I could have easily broken the door open, but I knew when I wasn’t wanted. Instead of sending my back to the reservation, I was just being sent out of their home.

There was movement behind the door, multiple bodies moving to stillness as they heard me rattle the doorknob one more time; one more chance to not do this to it, but the door remained closed off to my entrance. Fine. It took me a few moments to organize my things so that I could carry them comfortably. I turned away for the life I had known, the life that had left my shit outside in the rain and not bothered to tell me goodbye to my face.

Back into the mud, I went to the only person crazy enough to still have me.