The Outcome

Eyes are a strange and powerful thing, the windows into the soul and the outward channeling of feelings. They come in all different shapes, sizes, colors, and conditions. To some, they are the first thing they for in a person, for me; they’re the last thing I expected to give me so much grief.

That first day back to school was in one part exactly how I expected it to be. I was rolling with a new group of friends now; my constant presence with them caused quite a stir within the hallways. Teachers sent me little notes with my graded homework to be careful what friends you choose, with disapproving glance from over their glasses to accompany them. The only teacher who did seem to mind was my shop teacher, but honestly all he really cared about was wood.

With the high school girls it was only light gossip that involved my name, but after Jacob gave me a quick peck between class change, it was a full on scandal. Even I could see that it was pure jealously, why was the new girl suddenly good enough for him when the rest of them weren't? I wasn’t loosing any sleep over the opinion sheep; however, Leah had turned out to be the best girlfriend I had ever had…the only one I had ever had. Her bitchy-ness didn’t fizzle down any in the time I had been staying with her, nor had I just grown to ignore it; out of no where it had become a part of her that made her complete. I still wanted to help her find piece, but she had such a fierce loyalty that I had seen in few others. Whenever a particularly bold girl spoke a little too loudly about what she thought of my character, Leah somehow found out and was waiting for her outside after school.

Still, Leah had her own life to live and high school was behind her. That meant that she couldn’t be the feminism support I needed for the whole school day. Half the day was gone and I had only caught glimpses of the boys. They were avoiding me just as I was avoiding them. Or maybe this was natural; they had no reason to cross paths with me because I wasn’t one of them anymore. The howls at night had stopped, so I assumed that they were over it, that all of them were moving on. Quick and cold, like what I did to them.

That’s the thing about eye, though. Even with my eye closed I could feel their eyes, know they were looking at me with turning around to see for myself. I could feel all those different kinds of eyes from across the lunchroom at my new table. Eyes that held sadness, eyes that held confusion, eyes that held remorse and then eyes that only held betrayal. If the eyes were the windows into the soul, their stares burned holes into my back that hollowed out holes revealing all my weaknesses.

My strength, my rock, was sitting next to me wasn’t enough to fill the cavities, not these holes. The cover of his love wasn’t built to protect me from these eyes and he knew that. Everyone at this table knew that and everyone at the other table knew that too. But I wouldn’t cry, I had already shed enough tears and honestly, it was only fair. I had done my half, now it was their turn.

I kept my back straight and enjoyed my school lunch the best I could. When I threw away my tray and made my way to the next class, I kept my held up high. I would let them walk behind me, an invisible space where I used to walk with them. I would let them see all the things I couldn’t do, all the things I couldn’t be, from a brand new perspective. They might have thought I needed them before, and I did, I wouldn’t deny that things would never be the same. The level of security I had with them would never be matched and I wouldn’t act as though the opposite of that was true.

I wanted to show them that I was still the stubborn, broken little girl I was before. That the physical things that held me back before were still in place, but I could struggle with them…and I could struggle and overcome with my have. I wasn’t just a limb to the pack, once cut off it was useless. Once I cut myself off from their whole, I would become reborn as a stand alone figure. I wouldn’t go rogue and go crazy, I wouldn’t jump into the next pack as soon as I could, I wouldn’t even return back to my own reservation. I would overcome. I was strong.

The strangeness of eyes got to me again; however, as I walked away from the school towards Jacob’s rabbit. I knew the boys had left the school already, all together in Donovan’s truck. Seth and Jake walked a few steps ahead, conversation on patrols from some new threat, the situation related to Bella so I tuned them out. I did a quick sweep of the area, no one around but the rest of the retreating students.

Whose eyes did I feel watching me now?

~*~

“Look, I need you to do something for me.” Leah came up behind me as I did chemistry homework on the couch.

“What’s that?”

“Sam and Emily are having an anniversary party. They invited everyone, and I just…” her voice trailed off, eyes downcast. It was a side I hardly saw despite growing so close. This was serious, I knew the situation with the imprint, but it never came up between us.

I closed my textbook and pushed my notebook away, focusing my attention to Leah. “What is it? Anything it is, you know I’ll do it.”

“Yeah, just don’t ditch me for your boyfriend as soon as we get there. I’m a little tired of being Pathetic Leah.” Her wall of aggression back up, but I knew better.

“I get it kind of; I’ll be wherever you need me to be. I got your back.” I told her, reaching out a hand and placing it on her shoulder. She allowed it to rest there for a moment. I think it meant more than my words. Most people avoided physical contact with the girl, her words stopping you before you could get to close; the chance of her bursting into a wolf keeping you back even further. She didn’t transform into a wolf though, just shook me off with a scoff and some chick flick movie reference.

“When is the party?”

“It’s this weekend. And my mom said you aren't allowed out until you finish all that science-y bullshit.” She smirked at me before leaving to run her patrol.

I sighed as I pulled my materials towards me. I’d forgotten what having a mom was like.

It was nice.