Whatever It Takes

One year & one month later.

I’m pacing up and down the hallway of the maternity ward in a pair of blues scrubs at Our Lady of Lourdes Medical Center. We’ve been here since four in the morning and I glance at the clock above the nurse’s station to see it’s nearly 6 pm. Rosalyn’s been in labor for more than fourteen hours. She’s pushed for what feels like hours, but our baby doesn’t seem to want to arrive the natural way.

I walk into the waiting room and find Rosalyn’s parents and sister and my parents doing various activities. My dad is doing a crossword puzzle, my mom is reading magazine, Rosalyn’s mom is reading a book, and her dad appears to be taking a nap. Tara is playing a game with her oldest daughter.

I clear my throat to get their attention. “She’s going to have a c-section. They’ve tried every other option, but Roz is too tired to push anymore.”

Everyone looks at me and doesn’t say anything, which makes me nervous.

“Can we go see her before they take her in?” Tara asks.

“Yes, but it has to be quick. They want to get her into the OR within a half an hour.”

Rosalyn’s parents and sister and my mom rush off to see her, but my dad stays behind. I sit down next to him and nervously bounce my knee up and down.

“You’d think this was your first child, son,” my dad says to me in French.

“It almost feels like it. It’s been fourteen years since Cam was born and there were never any issues with the boys. By the way, where are they?”

“Your sister took them down to the cafeteria to get something to eat.”

“That’s probably good. I don’t want them to see their old man as a nervous wreck.”

“Everything’s going to be fine. You’ll have your new baby soon and Rosalyn will be as good as new in no time,” he says, giving my arm a reassuring squeeze.

“I better get back there. Make sure you fill the boys in on what’s going on.”

“I will. Give Roz my love.”

I walk back towards Rosalyn’s room just as everyone else is filing out.

“They told us we needed to leave so they can prep her for surgery,” my mom tells me.

I take a deep breath. Everything is becoming more and more real now.

My mom hugs me and whispers into my ear. “She’s in good hands, sweetie.” She pulls back and gives me a confident smile. “Now we’ll be on pins and needles waiting to see if we’ll have a new grandson or granddaughter.”

“Thanks, mom. Love you.”

“I love you, too. Now go be with your wife.”

I walk into the room and see Rosalyn lying in the same position as I left her. She has her eyes closed, so I quietly walk to the bedside and sit down in a chair. Rosalyn opens her eyes and looks at me. I lean over and brush the hair from her eyes then caress her cheek.

“How are you feeling?”

“Exhausted, but ok. I just really want the baby to be here so I know it’s healthy and everything’s ok.”

“Me too, but I also want you to be ok.”

She smiles weakly at me. “I’ll be fine, babe. Dr. Mueller has performed hundreds of c-sections. Try not to worry so much,” she says, reaching her hand out to cup my scruffy cheek.

A couple of minutes later, several nurses and Dr. Mueller come into the room to take Rosalyn into the OR to prep her for surgery.

“You can wait in hallway, Mr. Briere. One of us will call you in when we’re ready,” a nurse tells me.

I find myself pacing the hallway again. Even more anxious than I was before. My mind is racing with difference scenarios, but mostly I keep picturing a smiling Rosalyn holding our baby in her arms.

It feels like an hour passes before someone tells me I can come in. With the camera in one hand and my other one clutching onto Rosalyn’s, I sit in the chair placed by her head and try to distract her from what’s going on behind the curtain.

“Final chance to guess if it’s a boy or girl,” I say.

“I still have no idea, but if history is an indication, I’m thinking we’ll have a little boy soon,” she replies.

I smile. “That does seem to be the pattern. Maybe I produced the X-chromosome this time.”

“I don’t care as long as he or she is healthy and has all ten fingers and all ten toes.”

“Me either.”

“Mr. Briere, you might want to get your camera ready. The baby’s going to be out in just a couple of minutes,” Dr. Mueller says.

I stand up and peek just a little over the curtain. I have no idea what they’re doing, but it seems complicated. Literally one minute later I’m watching as our baby is pulled out. Hearing your baby cry for the first time will never get old.

“Congratulations, you have a baby girl,” Dr. Mueller says.

She holds the baby above the curtain so Rosalyn and I can both see the baby. She has a head full of dark hair and a shrill cry. I snap a couple of pictures before they take her over to a table to clean her up.

I lean down to kiss Rosalyn’s forehead. “We have a daughter.”

Rosalyn’s has a few tears flowing down her cheeks. “Go make sure she’s ok, Danny.”

I make my way over to where they have the baby just as she’s about to get weighed.

“Seven pounds, six ounces,” one of the nurses says. She measures her length and calls out nineteen inches. I take a picture of the baby as she wails away. “Do you have a name picked out?” she asks.

I nod. “Victoria Elisabeth.”

The nurse puts a diaper on Victoria, wraps her tightly in a blanket, and puts a pink hat on her head.

“Victoria, this is your daddy,” she says, before handing her to me.

I’m in awe at how tiny Victoria is as I hold her in my arms for the first time. I can’t decide who she looks like right now, but she’s the most beautiful baby girl I’ve ever seen. I lean down and kiss her forehead.

“Let’s go see your mommy,” I whisper.

I walk over to Rosalyn, who is still being worked on by the doctors. She seems exhausted but her face lights up when she sees me with the baby. I set Victoria on her chest so she can hold her for the first time. I take a picture as Rosalyn kisses her cheek.

“She’s so beautiful,” she says as a tear rolls down her cheek.

“She has all ten fingers and all ten toes, too. Seven pounds, six ounces and nineteen inches long.”

“I can’t believe we have a daughter.”

“I can’t either, but I’m so happy she’s here and you’re both ok.”

“I love you, Danny. And I love you too, Victoria,” she says, kissing her again.

“I love you both. So much,” I say, giving a kiss to both of the girls in my life.

A nurse comes over again looking a little apologetic.

“I’m sorry to break this up, but I need to take Victoria to the nursery so we can perform a few more tests,” she says.

Rosalyn gives Victoria one more kiss before I hand her over to the nurse.

“We’ll bring her to you once you’re back in your room, Mrs. Briere.” the nurse says to Rosalyn before turning her attention to me. “You’re more than welcome to join me in the nursery if you’d like to take more pictures.”

I look at Rosalyn. I want to go with the baby, but I feel like she might need me.

“Go ahead, Danny,” she says with a reassuring smile. “I’ll be fine. Make sure our baby is ok and tell our families we have a little girl.”

I lean down and give her a gentle kiss. “I’ll be back soon.”

“OK,” she replies with a small smile.

I follow behind the nurse who is pushing Victoria to the nursery. We walk past the waiting room and my mom is the first to spot us. It doesn’t take long for everyone else to notice. The boys and my sister are there now too and they all get smiles are their face when they see the baby next to me.

“Well?” my mom says anxiously.

I’m sure I have a smile on my face a mile wide. “It’s a girl,” I say, and a several excited squeals and cheers erupt. “Her name is Victoria Elisabeth, and both mom and baby are doing well.”

I’m engulfed by several hugs, pats on the back, and a handshake from Rosalyn’s dad. They look at the baby and fawn over how cute and tiny she is. I give each of my boys a quick hug, and I can tell they’re excited to have a little sister by the smiles on their faces. The nurse soon says we have to continue on to the nursery.

I tell everyone they can come see Rosalyn once she’s back in her room and recovering from the surgery. I can still hear the excitement in their voices as I follow behind the nurse again.

Once we’re in the nursery, Victoria is whisked away, and I snap a few pictures that I’m sure she’ll appreciate us sharing to her first boyfriend when she’s older.

“Is this your first?” an older nurse in the nursery asks me.

I shake my head. “No, this is actually my fourth child, but she’s my first daughter,” I say, and I find myself smiling again.

“Ah,” the nurse says knowingly. “This little lady is going to be daddy’s girl, I think.”

My smile grows bigger. “I hope so.”

They continue performing tests on Victoria, and she’s crying the entire time. I’m just so happy she’s here and healthy. Soon, one of the nurses informs me Rosalyn is back in her room.

“You can go ahead and see your wife if you’d like. We’re almost finished here and someone will bring the baby to you in just a few minutes,” the same nurse who asked me if Victoria was my first tells me.

“Thank you,” I say, and head straight to Rosalyn’s room. I want to make sure she’s doing ok, and I know Victoria’s is in very capable hands.

When I reach her room, Rosalyn is sitting up in the bed with her head rested back. She smiles when she sees me and I walk over to the bed gently sit down next to her.

“Hey,” I say, reaching for her hand. “How are you feeling?”

“Tired and sore, but really happy. How is Victoria?”

“She’s good. They’re bringing her in soon. I told our families and they’re so excited we had a girl,” I grin.

Rosalyn’s smile widens. “I knew they would be. How about the boys?”

“I didn’t get to talk to them for long, but I think they’re really excited.”

“Good. I can’t wait to hold her in my arms.”

I kiss her hand. “You were amazing today, Rosalyn. I’m so proud of you.”

“It’s all worth it,” she smiles.

A few minutes later, Victoria is brought into us. The nurse immediately hands her to Rosalyn, and her eyes start getting misty again. The nurse leaves, giving us our first moment of privacy since Victoria’s arrival.

“She’s so tiny,” she says, as Victoria warps her tiny little fingers around Rosalyn’s pinky. “And perfect. She’s really perfect, Danny.”

“She’s beautiful, just like her mother,” I say, before giving her kiss. “I love you. Thank you for giving me a daughter.”

“I love you, too,” she replies with a smile.

I lean down to kiss Victoria’s forehead, and I feel such a profound amount of love for both of them. I never imagined I’d fall in love again, or have another child, but here I am experiencing both. I have been blessed with a second chance at love and now another child and I know I’ll love her just as much as I love her brothers.

~*~*~

Two months later.

I go into Victoria’s nursery to check on her one more time before I head to bed myself. I just fed and changed her then rocked her to sleep. It’s the beginning of the season, so things haven’t gotten too crazy yet, but Danny is coming home from his first extensive road trip of the season later tonight. It was only a week long, but I’ve really missed him.

Adjusting to motherhood hasn’t been hard for me. I love it, but it is very demanding and I’ve realized how much I rely on Danny or the boys’ help now that they haven’t been around for the past week.

I go into our master bedroom and decide to take a quick shower. It’s so rare luxury for me, so I take full advantage of the few minutes of quiet and solitude. When I’m done, I put on a pair of pajamas and crawl into bed. I read a book on my iPad for a little while before exhaustion overtakes me. I glance at the alarm clock and see it’s a little past ten. Danny’s supposed to be home at one. My last thoughts before drifting off are how much I miss Danny sleeping next to me every night.

I sleep fairly peacefully for the next three hours, even though I have the baby monitor turned on next to the bed, and I feel like I’ll never sleep like I did before having Victoria. Around 1:30 am I hear Victoria cry. I get up sluggishly from the bed and head towards the door. When I’m halfway there, the crying stops. I’m both alarmed and relieved at the same time.

I walk in the direction of the nursery when I hear Danny’s familiar voice quietly talking to Victoria in French. I’m not necessarily fluent in French yet, but I’ve been with Danny long enough to understand some of the things he says in French, be it in anger, passion, or when he’s speaking to our daughter or one of the boys.

“Comment va ma petite princesse? Papa vous a manqué,” I hear him say.

I smile when I hear him call Victoria a princess. She’s such a daddy’s girl. I stand in the doorway and see Danny’s holding Victoria in the crook of his arm. She lets out a little shrill cry of indignation.

“Je pense que vous avez faim. Malheureusement papa ne peut pas vous aider avec ça. Nous ferions mieux de se réveiller maman,” he chuckles.

“I’m awake,” I say, causing Danny to look up in my direction.

A moment of surprise passes in his eyes before they soften and he smiles.

“Hello, belle,” he says. “I think someone is hungry.”

I walk over to where he’s standing by the crib and lean up to kiss him. “I missed you,” I say when we part.

“I’ve missed you, too. It’s good to be home for a while.”

Victoria lets out another disgruntled whimper and I can’t help but smile.

“I think I should feed our daughter.”

I sit down in the rocking chair and put the Boppy Pillow in place and extend my arms so Danny can hand me Victoria. I quickly start to nurse her, and Danny leans against her dresser, taking off his suit jacket and loosening his tie. He sighs loudly and rubs his temples.

“Are you tired?” I ask.

“Yes, but I’m sure I’m not nearly as tired as you are. I hate leaving you here by yourself like this.”

I shake my head. “I’m fine, Danny. It’s going to take me time to adjust, but I’m getting used to it. I wish you could be here, but I understand that being away is part of your job. I have plenty of friends here to keep me company. In fact, Nadine Coburn came over for dinner tonight with her two kids. Plus, Tara doesn’t live very far away, and she’s always looking for an excuse to herself out of the house. Don’t worry so much about me, babe.”

Danny doesn’t look overly convinced, but he doesn’t say anything.

“I just don’t want you or Victoria to ever resent me not being here,” he says.

I know resentment is a sore subject for him since it was one of the reasons his first marriage fell apart, but I want him to know I won’t let it happen to us.

“Daniel, I promised you a long time ago I would always be honest with you when it came to things like this, and I am honoring that promise. If I’m ever feeling resentful, I will let you know.”

Danny visibly relaxes after I speak.

“I love you,” he says simply.

“I love you, too,” I smile.

I soon finish feeding Victoria and I get up so I can change her diaper.

“I’ll do it,” Danny interjects, walking over to take Victoria from me. “I’m sure you’ve changed enough diapers.”

“I’m sure I have too,” I tease.

Danny, ever the pro, has Victoria’s diaper changed in no time. He kisses her before placing her back in her crib. He gives her one of her favorite pacifiers, and we both watch as she moves her little arms and legs around, fighting off sleep, until she finally gives up and her eyes close.

“She’s so beautiful,” Danny says. “She looks like her maman.”

I look at Victoria’s precious little face. She definitely resembles me quite a bit. She has my nose and blue eyes, but she has Danny’s chin, a characteristic she shares with her brothers, and his dark hair. I think she’s a perfect combination of the two of us.

“She is very beautiful,” I agree.

I turn towards Danny and wrap my arms around his waist. He returns the favor by engulfing me in a tight hug. I needed it more than I thought I did. I just feel better knowing he’s here.

“Are you ready to get a few more hours of sleep?” he asks, resting his chin on top of my head.

“I kind of just want to lay in bed with you and stare at your face for a little while,” I reply sheepishly.

Danny pulls back to look at me and laughs lightly.

“Have you really missed me that much?”

“Don’t laugh at me, Daniel. Haven’t you missed me that much?” I ask, sticking out my lower lip in a pout.

He kisses the pout right off my lips, and I nearly forget I’m supposed to be acting like I’m mad at him.

“Of course, ma chérie . I’m only teasing. Let’s go to bed.”

He leads me out of the nursery and to our room, and I am not about to protest. I get into bed, and he goes into the bathroom. When he comes out, he’s clad in just his boxers. My hormones are all out of whack, and part of me wants to jump him on the spot. But, the other part of me is too exhausted to even contemplate sex, although it is something we’ve rarely had time to do since Victoria’s arrival.

“If I wasn’t half asleep right now, I would demand you take off those boxers and ravish me immediately,” I joke.

Danny smiles at me before climbing into bed beside me and pulling me close to his side.

“Maybe tomorrow. We have all day until I have to pick up the boys for the weekend.”

“That sounds good. Victoria should let mommy and daddy have some alone time, even if it just a quickie in the shower,” I say with a yawn.

I feel Danny chuckle. Despite my wish to spend time with Danny, my body is telling me to take advantage of the sleep I could be having. I’m nodding off when I hear Danny speak.

“Rosalyn?”

“Hmm?”

“I love you very much. Never forget that, ok?”

I lean my face up to look at him.

“I won’t. I love you, too.

He gives me a gentle kiss, and I feel so lucky to have him as my husband, lover, and best friend.

“Go to sleep, chérie,” he says.

I snuggle in closer to his side and feel a sense of contentment wash over me. Life might not always be perfect, but little moments like this let me know I’m very blessed. I will never take the love I share with Danny for granted, and I always want him to know that, whatever it takes.