Acacia Nathalia Sparks

When we were in front of her house, she turned to me. "So that was why you were so familiar with my house?"

I nodded and continued walking, to my surprise, she put on a pair of shoes and followed me again.

"Nutella." I started, still walking beside her while looking ahead.

"Huh?" She asked.

"Noxin used to be this huge nutella addict. He needs to add nutella to almost anything before he eats it. Even pizza. Were you close to Noxin?"

She seemed surprised by my openess. I was surprised too. I'm not really the type to spill secrets or share them. But its just Cia.

It's not like she'll judge me at once. She'll listen to what I say and understand it before judging, that's what I realized during the times that I've spent with her. Maybe that's why I feel so careless when I'm with her.

"Nah, not really. Out of all my brothers, he's the only one that I'm not that close to. After all, we've been seperated for a few years and maybe, even.when I was around, he really didnt just talk to me much."

I laughed. "Yeah, he sort of got those loner issues with him."

"What was he like before?" She asked.

"Quiet and shy. He used to be insecure before." I smiled to myself when I remembered how Noxin would start hyperventilating when he has to be infront of people. "But it looks like he got over that now. He used to love going to the library and that's when we first started talking. I thought that he seems lonely and having a friend like him wont hurt so I started reaching out to him. Pretty soon, he got used to me and we were stuck like super glue."

I took a deep breath. It feels weird and good saying this. Weird because it's all in the past and I'd never thought I'd have to deal.with this right now. And good because, somehow I got to revive the past and it sort of feels like I'm being freed so I decided to spill everything.

"And once upon a time, she was everything he wanted. He was madly, uncontrollably, insanely, fiercely, crazily, and passionately in love with this girl who was, back then, only his dream."

"Chlowelle." She breathed softly.

"Did he tell you?" I turned to her.

Cia shook her head. "No, not really. I just saw a picture of her on his notebook when I was rumaging through his stuff. She's beautiful, though."

"She's okay." I said. To others she was gorgeous, but she really didn't make an impression to me. Hell, at that time, I didn't notice girls. I was too busy having fun. "Noxin was crazy about her. She was his first love, you know. And she's a vital part of this story. Anyway, she was a senior at that time. And Noxin and I were just sophomores, but that didn't faze Noxin."

In my mind, I remembered all those times that Noxin would steal glances at her and tried to talk to her then start freaking out inside when she does."Eventually, they started getting closer, maybe it was because she was the student council president and he's the secretary. Anyway, Noxin's infatuation turned into the real thing. He was in love with her yet he hid that for a while. If I didn't pushed him into confessing, then he'd still probably keep those feelings in."

She smiled to herself.

I looked around then realized that we reached the park. Cia and I decided to sit down in one of the swings. This bought a sense of nostalgia to me. I inhaled and continued, looking at Cia who was siting beside me on the swing.

"Anyway, he confessed and he was shocked to find out that Chlowelle liked him too. Of course they became a couple--they were the cutest. They really loved each other, you know. Well, they had fights and trials like most couples have, but that's okay. They loved each other enough to get through those. Not once, did Noxin fail to show Chlowelle how much he loves her. And Chlowelle did her part, she'd do little things for him that she knows he'd appreciate. They were perfect for each other. "

"What happened then?" I could tell that she was really interested in what happened.

I took a deep breath. This was going to be hard, even just thinking about it shook my sanity. "Chlowelle and I got close too. They've been a couple for nearly a year, and during that time, I got a chance to befriend Chlowelle, we got close & then she became one of my best friends. & I could say that if I was to pick anyone for Noxin, it would be her. They were doing great and it was during the end of the school year when things changed between them."

I closed my eyes, remembering her text message, meet me at the swings in the park, right now. just you. I have something important to tell you -- Chlowelle "She told me to meet her, & I did. I was shocked when I saw her. I'd never seen her like that. She was a wreck. She cried on my shoulder, & I didn't knew what's wrong or what to do, so I just stood there and patter her shouder awkwardly. When she finally calmed down--she told me the truth."

The memory of that night crept to my mind, I recalled her hoarse voice telling me that she has to hurt Noxin.

"She has breast cancer." I whispered because if I said it out loud, I'm pretty sure Cia could hear the crack in my voice. "In a week she was going away to Germany to be treated, and she was going to stay there until she's alright--or she said "I'll probably just die there. It'd be better than dying in this town filled with happy memories of me & Noxin. When I'm gone, I don't want him to look at this place as a site of tragedy."

I looked at Cia to see her reaction. Her eyes were moist and she looked at me. When I saw a tear fell from her cheek, I wanted to cry to. For what I did, for what I couldn't do.

"She made a final request from me. She knew that Noxin wouldn't let her go, that he might even go to Germany with her--that he might even hold on and get hurt in the end--which she wanted to avoid. So she decided to vaccinize his feelings for her before he gets seriously infected--she asked me to pretend to be her boyfriend."

"And you did." She whispered.

"Yeah. I did. It was stupid, but I did. I pretended to be with her, and that made Noxin so jealous & mad and when she left, she didn't leave anything for him, for her, it's better if he's mad at her, than continue on loving her and getting devastated." I said, and I didn't say anything more after that, I was mentally prepared for her judgement. I was waiting for her to yell at me, ask me why I did that when I could have just told the truth, I was waiting for her to call me out on my stupidity and mistake. I've been living with that guilt for the last two years, thinking that if I just didn't do it; things wouldn't have tuned out this way.

"Why did you stop?" She asked.

"I'm waiting for you to get mad at me." I told her.

"Why would I?" She asked. "I don't have any rights to.

"Well, you're his sister and I hurt him and what I did was inhuman." I said, and to my surprise she stood up and wrapped her arms around my neck.

Dug.Dug.Dug.Dug. My heart just hyperventilated.

"No, if I was in your place I would have done the same thing. It was her choice anyway." She murmured.

"But no, if I just didn't do it . . . Maybe Noxin wouldn't be so mad, eh deserves it. Why am I so stupid. I should have realized it sooner, and now its too late. If only I could turn back time and--"

If possible, she hugged me even tighter, but not so tight that I can't breath. Just tight. Just the 'shut up you're wrong and it's okay' type of tight. "Shut up, Caleb. Look, I may not be there when it happened, I may not know the full details except from what you told me, and I may not really understand it that well. But what I do know is that you didn't do anything wrong. You just did a friend a favor, in order to save the person she loves. It might have been her deathwish. Or it might have been her being so in love with my brother that she'd even risk herself getting so much more hurt in the process. But you didn't do anything wrong. Sure it was stupid, but it wasn't wrong. You just did what you thought was right. True, my brother deserves to know the truth, but hey you're back here and you still have the chance to make amends. Even though Chlowelle isn't here--you are. You can tell him; he's been living a lie this whole time & it's about time to tell him the truth."

That shut me up.

One, because she's right. I'm here and I still have a chance to fix things, no matter how late I am.

Two, because I felt like a huge load of guilt disappeared from my heart.

Three; because she understood me, didn't tell me that I was wrong and she even imagined putting herself in my shoes.

I gulped, turned to her and hug her as tightly as I can, never wanting to let go of someone who understands.

"Thank you." I said and I meant it.

"Nah, it's cool." She smiled at me, flashing those pearly white teeth. "I like giving hugs to people who look like they need one, and you deserve it anyway."

She hugged me tighter and I buried my head against her hair. "Liar, you just wanted to hug me."

"yeah, well that's a part of it. I like this. You're pretty huggable, lets just stay like this." I smiled against her hair and nodded. We stayed like that for a couple more minutes with her arms around my neck and mine wrapped around her waist. I couldn't help noticing and thinking about how soft she felt on my arms and just how we seem to fit together.

I didn't feel the need to say anything. The feel of her in my arms, the steady beating of her heart, the faint lemongrass smell on her hair, and the way I knew neither of us wanted to let go, and the quiteness between us said more than enough.

And I must be really selfish because I wasn't sticking to the original plan. That I should make her fall inlove with me. It looks like it's not the case here: God, I think I'm the one that's gonna be needing a trampoline because I think I'm starting to feel something for this bossy, mouthy and tiny human being.