It's Going to Be Okay

"I hate you." I yelled.

"I hate you too." Brian yelled.

"You know. You're a fucking asshole."

"And you're a bitch."

"Fuck you Brain." I yelled.

"Let's go then baby." He said, coming closer to me.

"Get the fuck away from me." I said, pushing him away.

"You are so frustrating." He yelled and left our room.

I screamed out and sat down on the bed.

This is all Brian and I do.

Fight.

Scream.

Yell.

Cause each other pain.

I didn't understand why we fought all the time.

We used to be happy couple.

Never fought.

Then one day, something suddenly changed.

I think I know what it was too.

After Jimmy died, Brian went into this deep depression.

All the guys did.

And I was there for Brian.

But he just didn't want my help.

So we started fighting instead.

It upsets me.

My own fiance didn't want anything to do with me.

And I was starting to run out of options.

I got up from the bed and went down stairs.

Brian is on the couch, with his head in his hands.

I sat next to him and placed my hands on his shoulders.

"Baby, talk to me please." I said.

"Are you going to leave me too?" He mumbled.

"What?" I asked, not hearing what he said.

"I said, are you going to leave me too?" He yelled, getting up from the couch.

"Why would I leave you Brian?" I yelled back.

"Because Jimmy did, Andie." He yelled.

I could tell in the tone of his voice, he was about to have a break down.

"Brian. I'm not going to leave you baby." I said, walking over to him and wrapping my arms around him. "I love you baby, and we're going to grow old together."

"You can't promise that Andie." He said, wrapping his arms around my neck.

"I miss him, babe."

He started to cry.

Brian rarely showed his emotions.

But when he did, it was hard not to cry with him.

"Baby, look at me." I said.

Brian lifted his head off my shoulder and looked at me.

"It's going to be okay." I said. "I know you miss Jimmy. I do too. But so does Matt, Johnny, Zacky, and most of all, Leana. I mean it when I say I'm not going anywhere. I love you Brian. I love you with all my heart and nothing is going to change that. I know how hard this is for you, but as your fiance, you need to open up to me and talk to me about how you feel."

"Okay baby!" Brian said, embracing me tightly. "I love you with all my heart too. I will babe. I'm going to start talking to you. No more bottling things up."

He presses his lips to mine.

"Okay baby." I said. "It's going to be okay."