Death by Desire

After my father left for what was hopefully the last time, my mom kind of went into shock. Her movements were absent in their grace. I made an attempt to comfort her but it went unnoticed to me. Who knows? Maybe in her strange shock, she felt me hug her. I hoped she did at least.

I silently went up the stairs to my room. The same stairs drunk kids were passed out on not so long ago. I made a small thank you nod towards the ceiling, thanking God or whoever that my cousin became a Pig cop who often played party crasher for me when I was just too damn tired of parties.

My room was a quiet and welcome haven, some pictures of Pippa and I were displayed on my dresser. I smiled at the pictures half heartedly. I didn't have it in me tonight. My fire felt like it needed something, something to stoke it. My first thought was to call Pippa but I didn't want that to be my default reaction. I wanted to confide in that mysterious girl I hung out with. Iris.

It was dead silent in my house, in my room, but not in my mind. It swarmed with unspoken feelings and needs. My eyes awkwardly swept my room until they landed on the full length mirror in my slightly open closet door. What stood about three feet away from the reflective surface was a tall boy who was verging on the time where he could be called a man. He was lonely, it showed in the way his eyes seemed hollow. This boy I was staring at stood tall and straight as he proudly should but there was something in his power that some feared. That he himself feared. Why was it that everyone flocked to Orion Fiamma?

Slowly, I let my eyes travel up my body, making mental notes here and there of what I did and didn't approve of. When I reached my eyes, I was a little scared of the way my eyes burned. Not literally of course but the anger in my eyes made me wonder if being alone was such a wise decision. Not that I would self harm, but I would go crazy in this small confinement of what the mirror reminded me of who I should be.

There was a place I would go to unwind and allow myself breathing room. It wasn't the place anyone would guess to find me. I patted my pockets to make sure my car keys were safely stored there. After my fingers came upon the muffled metal of the keys, I walked to my bedroom window and shimmied the screen loose. After years of sneaking myself and others in and out, I was a pro at this. I placed the screen off to the side, made sure the window was as wide as it could open and placed a long leg out onto my roof outside. When my whole self was crouched on the roof, I made sure to slowly and gently close my window, enough where I could slide my fingers in later.

Now starting my car was going to be the tricky part. I don't know what made me do it but I found myself looking into my living room window. The tv was on, I could tell by the rhythmic patterns of light on my mom. My mother, was passed out luckily for me. I spotted a bottle of vodka clutched in her hands. It made me sad to see how miserable she must be.

I couldn't afford to take her emotions into mine however. Not tonight. I thanked the stars again for this fortune and quickly got in my car and drove away toward my school.

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There was a hill next to my school that most of my classmates knew as a make-out spot. The view was impressive so I didn't blame them. The way the city lights twinkled and glowed often had me in awe. It was why this spot was also a haven for me. I could reflect and zone out as I looked out at my city from inside my car. I had company tonight as a car was parked in my usual spot. It was clearly rocking, I wondered vaguely if I would hear about a pregnancy in the school not long after this night.

I was peacefully reclined in my seat and had nearly finished my process when I saw some flashes of light from my schools' football field. The field was painfully visible from this spot and I saw what looked like fireflies fluttering around the grassy area. It was already about 4 am. These lightning bugs were obviously people. Curiosity got the best of me in this instance so I decided 'What the hell.' I would check this out.

As my car pulled next to the field's opening, I turned it off and got out. Someone was vandalizing the school, this didn't bother me except when I got a closer look, I recognized some scribbled words- not words, names. Or rather one name repeated over and over. Iris Rose.

There were two people dancing around gleefully as they painted the grass with some choice words. I was going to scare them as I was coming up behind them quietly. They were girls and it became fiercely clear to me who they were.

Pippa's friend noticed me first, her eyes wide in alarm as she tried to alert Pippa. I didn't blame her, my eyes were blazing in fury. However I knew Pippa couldn't see this. In the short moment that my friend turned to look at me, I reeled in my emotions.

"Someone's had a busy morning." I murmured, looking at the cruel words that were written so boldly on the fake shimmery grass.

Pippa cast her eyes to the ground, fiddled with her shirt, pretty much did whatever she could to cowardly avoid my judgment.

My naughty and devious Pippa, she would no doubt frame Iris for whatever she did tonight. I knew what I had to do to protect Iris.

"Well," I sighed, deciding how I was going to play my part, "We'd better get out of here."

Her beautiful smile lit up her eyes. Her partner in crime was back no doubt.

I took her hand and we walked briskly to my car.

Beautiful Pippa, I thought to myself as I drove us to an early morning diner, you have no idea what you've started.
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We had spent all day together, it was hard to deny how much I missed my best friend as we ate and laughed or how we played pool and drank in her garage. I missed this. The loneliness however had not ebbed. It was already late afternoon and I had kept Pippa with me and away from trouble all day. By about 4:30, I was more than exhausted, the small naps I had with Pippa today didn't take away my desire for some much needed mental and physical rest. My friend took notice of my tired self. "Let's go get some coffee, you need in buddy and I owe you." she winked and took my hand in hers, some paint still lingered on her tan skin. At her words, I smiled coldly.

I closed my eyes in the car, deciding Pippa should drive us, and when I opened them to her soft voice, we were at her favorite Starbucks location.

"Thank God, caffeine." I practically slurred as I got out of my car. Pippa giggled, "You'll feel ok in a bit."

When she came to my side she latched onto my arm, shamelessly feeling my bicep in the process. Seeing as I wasn't in the greatest mood when it came to her, I felt my annoyance rise. I was playing a part today however, so I forced myself to laugh. "Freak, get off me, you're stealing my warmth."

Her eyes were bright in joy as she gasped and shoved me away. "Fuck you Orion, it's cold!" she laughed, carefree and completely unaware. She rejoined me at my side, hands to herself this time, and we walked into the warm coffee house.

I scanned the establishment, searching for a familiar face. And who of course should I see. Iris and her friend were here. Iris and I locked eyes for a moment but Pippa tugged at my arm and I was back in reality.

"Who are you staring at?" she pouted and tried to follow my gaze. I was about to speak and take her attention from my line of sight but she saw her.

Fuck if looks could kill. There would be two mutilated teen girls in this shop.

I grabbed Pippa's arm, rougher than was needed but enough to steal her attention.

"C'mon let's just get coffee and leave." I suggested, she seemed pleased that I didn't mention Iris.

"No, I'm not running from that bitch. We're hanging out here for a bit. Besides," she fluffed her hair around herself, "I'm cold."

Pippa made sure to find a spot to sit that was in perfect viewing distance of her enemy. I rolled my eyes and listened to her stupid babbling of how everything Iris did was either stupid, ugly or needed to end with her death. Every now and then, I found myself glancing at Iris. I took in the way her hair fell around her face, so fragile as it framed a face so hardened by life but sensual in its intricacy.

"She's not even that great, really. I can't believe she's in the Queen court." Pippa ranted and raved for the 3rd time today. I sipped my coffee and was about to make another glance at Iris when she stood up sharply and pulled something leather from her person, making sure to throw it at me with impressive force.

Annoyed with her sudden hostile attitude, I stood to confront her or rush to her or do something but I was frozen by her wrath. "That bitch! I'm going to fucking smash her stupid face in! That cunt!" Pippa seethed, from her chair of course. I knew she would continue all night if she fucking could.

I raised a hand to silence her, blissfully she shut up.

I looked down at what Iris had thrown me to see my leather jacket. The one I had draped over her shoulders at the cemetery.

"What was she doing with your jacket?" Pippa asked, more than furious as she knew how much I loved this particular article of clothing.

"She was cold." I managed to answer, letting the smooth material run through my fingers.

Fuck was I ever in trouble. To protect Iris from anymore cruelty at Pippas' hands, I also had to let go any chance of knowing her any time soon. I had put so much effort in already, realizing I had to let her go made no sense.

My mind raced to make up a new plan. One that would keep Pippas' jealousy at bay and one that would hopefully allow me to keep my... what, relationship? The problem of commitment still remained. I was single yes, but it was obvious, my best friend watched me like a hawk.

I made a noise like a groan. "I've got to go. I'll drop you off but I have to do something." I told Pippa in a voice rich with authority.

She nodded and we left.

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Since I know everyone at school, finding someone who had Iris's number was fairly easy. Being a slave to my popularity had perks some times. I was parked in a lot across from a restaurant, thankfully it was empty.

I lowered the volume of my stereo and called the number that appeared on my phones screen.

On the second ring, I was ready to give up until the ringing stopped and a voice called out a curious "Hello?"

My palms instantly became sweaty, I rubbed them anxiously on my pants and cleared my throat.

"Iris? It's Orion. Don't hang up, ok?" I said in a voice that strived to sound calm.

It was quiet for a moment but I heard an unmistakable sigh. "I was going to ask how you got my number but I'm sure you made your slaves dig for it." she spit dryly.

My eyes narrowed in challenge, my cocky self was started to emerge. "I couldn't very well maintain the status of King if I did small tasks like look for your number on my own, could I?"

Despite her anger, I heard her laugh softly.

"Look, I'm sorry about today. With Pippa." I cleared my throat again and sheepishly scratched at my neck.

"More like you're sorry you got caught ditching with her. Don't fuck with my emotions, Orion. If you want her, have her. I'm sure you two deserve each other." She tried to sound indifferent but I knew females well enough to know the sound of a trap in the form of words.

I sighed, "It's not like that with her! I don't want her." This girl already had me exasperated and it hadn't even been 5 minutes on the phone.

"You're gonna say you want me, right?" she asked, sarcasm dripping like venom from every word.

"What that be so crazy?"

It was quiet again. My heart was pounding, it was beyond unusual for me to put myself on the line like this.

"If we were to be together or even think about it... it would end in disaster for both of us." She sounded like she was thinking about the possibility.

"Disaster seems to follow us both around so why the fuck not?"