Death by Desire

May the Lord forgive me but I wished everyone’s eyes would fall out and their tongues be ripped off. And, while that was happening, I wished all cell phones would spontaneously combust.

Breathe I reminded myself, walking into my Art class.

Almost simultaneously, the people seated turned as a collective unit to gawk at me as I made my way to my work center in the back. One girl, whom I recognized as one of Pippa’s friends- Amanda, I think her name was?- turned in her seat and smirked raising a badly penciled-in eyebrow.

Not in the mood to deal, I looked away and reached for my supplies. A graphite pencil, a smudge eraser, some references I’d downloaded earlier in the week, and my iPod. When I looked back up, there she was, still watching me.

Frustrated, I opened my mouth to let out the censored version of the conversation in my mind.

“Can I help you?” can you stop fucking staring at me like some damn idiot and while you’re at it, did anyone ever tell you charcoal isn’t a substitute for eyebrow pencil especially with your 99 cent bottle blonde hair?

I bit off each word carefully, the annoyance saturating every letter, dangling in the air between us like some dark raincloud. She shook out her hair and without a word, turned away to her easel. Head ducked to her lap, I saw her sending a rapid text-

to Pippa, no doubt.

At the same time, my own phone buzzed. The screen lit up with Oron’s name.I hesitated before sliding my finger across the smooth surface and unlocking it.

Ignore whatever they say. Their words mean nothing.

I sighed and shoved in my earphones.

Easy for him to say.

It was going to be a long day.
**************************************************************

The sweet taste of icy caramel and thick whipped cream hit my tongue and for the first time today I relaxed.

“Let’s not go back to school” I murmured, as Victoria steered her car back into the school parking lot.

She shook her head. “Since when do you care what people say?”

I shrugged, toying with the trademark green Starbucks straw, swirling it around, watching coffee, caramel, and whipped cream become a blurred, icy mess.

“I’m just not in the mood to deal with it. Any of it. Do you know how hard it’s been trying to not punch anyone that looks my way. I know exactly what they’re thinking, because knowing Pippa, she’s gone and told everyone I’ve fucked Orion already.”

Victoria made a disapproving grunt.

“Actually, I’ve only heard one person speculate on that theory. Everyone else is just shocked because you and Orion coming together is like watching the second coming of Jesus.”

I turned a blank look to her and she laughed.

“You know, some people believe it’s gonna happen but seeing it happen is another thing entirely, and even the non-beleivers will convert?”

I rolled my eyes. "That’s stupid. And, it doesn’t make any sense”

She grabbed my drink and took a long sip.

“What’s stupid” she sputtered out through a mouthful of whipped cream “is you running away from something you set yourself up for. If you didn’t think it was worth it, choosing to have this thing you’ve got going on with Orion…you wouldn’t have done it.”

I silently cursed her for knowing me so well, grabbed my drink back from her, and got out of the car.

“You’re welcome” she smiled, and followed me back through the gates of Hell.
************************************************************************

“Hey” Orion smiled at me as I slid into my seat.

I took out my notes and set up my desk. He waited patiently, playing with something on his phone. As I set my pencil down and turned to him, he turned to me again at the exact same time. Involuntarily, I blushed and grinned and he smiled, lifting my face to his, keeping his finger underneath my chin.

“There you go. Rumor has it you haven’t smiled all day.” He said.

My smile dropped immediately.

“Why can’t everyone just shut the hell up and mind their own damn business” I muttered darkly. “I’m sick of being examined like some lab rat in a maze. Running ‘round and ‘round in circles and coming back to the same whisperings and stares.”

He froze and then leaned in closer to me. I inhaled, holding in the scent of him.

Rich, warm, and safe.

“Look. We knew it wasn’t going to be easy. People talk. You know that. I know that. But talk is cheap.” He said.

I shrugged. “I guess.”

He shook his head. “No. Stop that. You’re closing up on me again. Remember this morning?”

I did, and so I relaxed, taking deep breaths. He rubbed small circles on my back, and that helped. I leaned into him, awkwardly so because of the desk build, and waited for everyone to start filing in and taking their seats.

To notice us and stare.

To talk.

Victoria was the first, returning from her usual pre-class makeup touch-up. Her eyes met mine and she smiled, happy for me. Slowly and surely, everyone followed, and not a single one failed to pause for a moment to eye Orion and I, seated together as we were.

Underneath the desk, his hand found mine and cautiously, our fingers intertwined. He squeezed gently and I lifted my chin, daring anyone to meet my eyes and speak their thoughts out loud.

No one did.

No one dared.