Death by Desire

To say things weren’t awkward, that things were fine and dandy, would be an understatement. I could feel Orion’s eyes on me, and if the expression “if looks could kill” was literal, I’d be dead by Pippa’s standards.

She expected me to leave, or, at best, to make a scene.

I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction.

I sipped my coffee, quietly humming underneath my breath. Victoria rolled her eyes and tossed her hair back, getting into her bitch mode- a tough girl act she used when she felt it was necessary.

“Calm down, I’m not going to go fight her or anything” I murmured.

She just smiled sweetly. We began to talk shopping, and what we’d wear for the Winter Ball. Her and I were both on the court, and, unfortunately, Pippa was as well. I needed something truly amazing, unique, and jaw-droppingly beautiful.

“I have my dress already” Victoria gushed. “it’s gorgeous, emerald green silk, fits like a second skin, and one of a kind. I had it specially designed.”

I hummed my approval, only partially listening to her. Victoria always went overboard with things like this, it was nothing new.

“And yours?” she asked.

I drummed my fingers on the cup; I couldn’t think clearly. “Huh?” I murmured. She snapped her fingers in my face. “Your dress?”

I shook my head to clear my mind, to focus. It was just so hard though, I could still feel his eyes on me….

”You know what? I can’t do this, I’m leaving” I muttered.

Grabbing my stuff, I realized I still had Orion’s leather jacket. On the way out, I tossed it to him without a word, a little harder than was necessary.

He stood up, mouth open as if to say something but I just walked out. I could see Pippa talking to him, expression somewhat angry, but he shut her up with a wave of his hand.

“Where to?” Victoria asked, when we were safely in her car. I took a deep breath. “Anywhere. Nowhere. Just…just get me the hell away from here.” I said, turning the radio up and shutting out everything else.

We ended up back at my house, where Victoria decided to leave me when she saw my grandma waiting for me. I shut the front door and walked into the dining room. I knew what was coming, I’d try not to let my anger get the best of me. Try.

“Vandalism, Iris?” she began, when I had taken my seat.

Underneath the table, my hands clenched into tight fists, my nails digging deep into my palms.

“Of all the things…I cannot fathom your behavior. What would your pare-“ I cut her off, slamming my fist onto the shining table top.

The diningware rattled with the force of it and my grandmother jumped, apparently startled.

“Do. Not. Say. Parents” I growled, biting off each word.

“I HATE that. I HATE it. It’s like, you think you know what they would say, what they would think. Well, you know what? You don’t. And do you know why you don’t? Because they’re dead. So, unless you can communicate with the dead, do NOT bring them up. And, no, I didn’t VANDALIZE anything. But, I cleaned it all up. So, let it be.”

My breathing was hard, as if I’d just run a marathon, but deep down, I felt better. Like I needed to get all that out there. My grandmother blinked once, twice, three times, and then took a deep breath herself, folding her hands primly in front of her.

“Well…I apologize. I had no idea…you felt that way. As it is, however, your behavior thus far has been less than acceptable.”

I sighed. There was nothing else for me to say. I’d never be as perfect as she wanted me to be.

She rambled on but I blocked her out until finally, she dismissed me and I ran up the stairs to my room, and opened up a drawer I hadn’t opened up in months…not since the rape and my parents deaths……. a drawer that contained my old escapes.

Pills, razor blades, rubber bands, and a teeny, tiny, vile of cocaine I never used but just kept there…just in case.