Yesterday's Feelings

A couple of days went by since my lunch with Eric and John and I seemed to be improving. He was actually talking to me. John was in his office, working to coordinate his trips and plans with his sponsors, plans with his filming crew, travel plans and everything else under the sun.

I stood at the doorway with my arms crossed, I had just settled Danielle in with a movie, "You know, it would be easier if you hired a personal assistant." I said, watching the older man's eyebrows curl inward as he stared at the calendar.

John looked up, confused but he smiled as I approached. "I tried." He said, sitting back so I could come and sit in his lap, "But this chick wanted to be paid too much." he said, kissing my cheek.

I chuckled and put an arm around his neck, looking at his computer as I was careful not to put too much weight on his bad knee, "Really? Thats a shame." I said, "Planning out the winter already?" I asked, biting my lip. I was nervous. I mean, a job? I knew that would just sort of throw a monkeywrench in John's plans for the winter, Eric's too.

John nodded, "Yeah, we're planning a fall movie premiere tour in Europe for a month and then back to the states for a little bit and then the season starts." John said, sitting back in the chair a bit more and causing it to tilt back. "What are you up to?"

I shrugged, "Oh, just, the usual, thinking. You know." I said, trying to play it cool, but, well, I wasn't really with that around John.

John smirked and gave me a little side-eyed look, "Something's up. Spill." John's strong hands moving to rest on my hips.

I looked at him. I couldn't hold this back, not with that face and smile and that look, "What would you think if I got a job?" I asked John.

John looked confused, "A job? Are you talking like my personal assistant kind of job for real or are we talking like 'Would you like fries with that?' kind of job?" John asked.

I snorted at the second bit. "Serve plenty of fries in your day John?" I teased, laughing at the mental image of John dressed in a McDonalds uniform. "No, not exactly." I said, getting a little more serious, "A lawyer's office in Truckee offered me an administrative assistant position, full time." I said, biting my lip, "But, I don't know if I should take it."

John nodded a little, "Is that what you want? Is to go back to work?" he asked, watching me. John looked like he wasn't sure if I was full of shit or yanking his leg, but I was totally serious.

I nodded, "Well, I love you and all, but, I'm kind of getting stir crazy in this house and I need something to do all day."

"What about Dani and Eli?" John asked, "Who is going to take care of them?" John said, sitting us up a little bit.

"I've thought about that and I was thinking that at least, while you're here, you and Eric could worry about the kids until I can get them in to daycare." I said, biting my lip.

"Daycare? So you'd rather have some stranger watching your sister and my nephew than his own flesh and blood." John said.

"John, that's not what I mean." I protested. I could tell that this would just turn into another argument. "You and Eric have commitments—"

"So do you Ari." John pointed out. "You have as much of a commitment to Dani as much as Eric has one to Eli. Don't forget. Just because he has a job doesn't mean he's not going to be around. He could take Eli on the road with him." John said, looking at me, "Just as I could take you and Dani with me."

I shook my head, "No, it's not that simple John, someone has to stay behind. I mean, yes, Eli could go on the road with Ejack now but Dani has school. I can't just pull her out of school, plus your sponsors and your friends probably wouldn't exactly dig an impressionable minor on the road." I paused, "You know how crazy things can get." I was quick to point out.

John frowned, I don't think that last thought had really crossed his mind completely. It wasn't a subdued family RV trip. It was movie premiere tour with a bunch of guys. There were parties every night, girls, drinking, and just a lot of things that no child should be exposed to really. "So you're just going to take the job and dump Dani in daycare?"

I sighed, "I don't know." It was the best answer I could give as I looked at John, "All I know is that I'm tired of fighting like this. I miss you and I'm tired of us tiptoeing around each other only to have every talk we have explode in to some kind of fight." I whispered, cupping John's cheeks in my hands, moving his face to look up at me.

John's hand came up to the back of my neck and brought my forehead down to rest against his as his blue eyes looked in to my brown ones, "I am tired of us fighting too." he said, kissing my lips gently, his thumb resting gently on my chin, "We'll figure this out, I promise. It's just a speed-bump."

John held me close to him, his strong muscled arms wrapping around me. I rested my head on his shoulder. I hated when we fought but it was the moments like this, the tenderness that John had, that he showed most often, that kept me staying. I knew that I loved him and that we'd get through this, even if my mind made me second-guess everything with how we'd been lately. John was right though, we'd work things out and this would just be a speed-bump.

At least, I hoped he was right.