Yesterday's Feelings

"John!" I said, following the older down the stairs but he was ten steps ahead of me and already out the door. "You can't just walk away from me." I said, following him out the door and in to the yard, in to the warm Nevada sun.

"What do you want me to say, you spend all your time at work and then you go out after work with your co-workers." John said, gesturing with his hand to the house, "You're never home. I just want to spend time with you." He said.

"I invite you to come with me when we go out and you never want to go, you just want to stay here and be lazy." I shouted back at him, angry and frustrated. I pushed my hands through my hair, "What do you want me to do John?"

John stood there, arms crossed, "Quit." He said.

"How hypocritical of you." I pointed out, "What about you snowboarding in the winter and being gone all the time. You don't think I wouldn't like you to quit that and stay here with me because I miss you."

"Either you quit or—" John started but I cut him off.

"—Or what?" I asked, my head tilting up just a bit, "Or you'll throw me out, Dani too, with nowhere to go."

John shrugged, "You got money from the sale of your parents' house, you could get your own place, plus, with the hours you work, I have no doubt you'll have no trouble affording payments." He said, pretending to be indifferent.

I hated this. I hated that I let him hold the threat of throwing me out over my head. I hated that we seemed to be fighting constantly. I had taken the job at the lawyers office and it was busy, busier than I had anticipated. I was actually good at it (not that I doubted myself) and I was making friends and having a life outside of John and the house. The freedom felt good and I had missed what it was like to converse with someone who didn't watch endless episodes of Spongebob Squarepants.

However, with all the freedom and time I was spending at work and with my new co-workers, it meant I was spending that much more time out of the house and it meant less time with John and Dani. Of course I felt bad, but I needed this job so that I didn't go stir-crazy anymore. It was meant to be only part time but when another assistant quit, the job morphed in to full-time and there wasn't anything I could do about it.

The tension between John and I in the yard was so thick you could have cut it with a knife and I just stood there looking at him. I gave up. I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of hearing me argue anymore. I just headed back inside the house, not defeated, but, almost determined.

If he wanted Dani and I gone, then he was going to get exactly what he asked for.