Yesterday's Feelings

Arianna sat by the fire, Ruby in her lap as she played away. Eric was watching from in the house, he caught John coming down the stairs. Both of them looking at each other, "So you're just going to let her leave?" Eric asked, looking at John before looking out at Ari and Ruby.

John sighed and came to stand by Eric, he too watching Ari and Ruby together, "I can't force her to stay." John said with a sigh, "I wish she would."

Eric shrugged, "All I know is that she hasn't touched Ruby in years and only plays her when she's sad." Eric said, looking out the window, "Did you even ask her to stay?" Eric asked.

"Ask her to stay?" John asked, incredulously, "I asked her to marry me." John headed for the kitchen, "She's perfect and I love her." John was hurt most that she hadn't even seemed to consider that he hadn't meant those words. That he was angry and jealous, her work had taken her and he'd only seemingly continued to drive her away. "She told me we could be friends."

Eric looked shocked, but walked away. He adjusted his hat with a small sigh, "John, I'm sorry." He said quietly. "She bought the house a month ago. Over a month ago." Eric turned to face his brother.

—

John perched over the counter with Dani and Eric in the jewelry store. He was nervous. He knew that him and Ari had been on the rocks and that she'd been working hard. Despite their rough patch, he knew that they'd work through it. She was the one. She had been for a while and it was a feeling where he just knew.

"What about that one?" Dani asked, pointing to a yellow gold and diamond ring. It had an air of class and elegance all in one, "It sure is sparkly."

The sales woman opened the case and handed it to John, "You looking for an engagement ring?" the woman asked.

"Yeah, I just don't know what she really likes." John said he examined the ring closely. It was colorless, a flawless stone and John liked how the stone rose in the middle while the smaller diamonds set around it, the gold almost coming to swirl. It was a gorgeous ring.

The sales girl smiled, "Well, have you even been ring shopping with her?" She asked.

Eric shook his head, "She's always busy. She's a complicated woman, but, she enjoys the simplest things sometimes you know. Just something classic to start with would be good."

—

This time, it was John's turn to be mad, "You knew?" The older Jackson asked, pushing his hand through his dreads. He was shocked, "You helped me pick out the ring. You could've said, 'Hey, bro, this might not be a good idea.' You know." John said angrily.

"I'm sorry!" Eric shouted, gesturing towards the back patio, "She made me promise not to tell. Besides, it's not like you're not going to see her. Come on John, She's still in town." Eric sighed, "You and I both know that if she really wanted to leave, she'd have gone back to New York. Obviously, she still wants to be here, she still wants to be around you, especially if she told you she wanted to be friends." He paused, "Not even I was afforded that luxury." Eric tacked on, as though he was trying to make John feel less miserable about the whole thing.

—

It was a strange thing, even over me playing and the crackling fire, I could hear them arguing about me. I felt bad, perhaps worse now, now that I knew that John had bought the ring weeks ago. It was making me rethink the decision to move out. Maybe I acted too hastily. I know he didn't mean them but, why would he say them if he didn't mean them, at least to some degree.

I looked down at Ruby and rubbed at the wood under my fingers. Eric had been right, it had been far too long since I had played Ruby, but in all honesty she was what spoke when I couldn't. Right now, I definitely couldn't speak, at least, not in my own words. That was how I had started, that was how it had always been.

I sighed and pushed my hand through my hair, looking up at the slider when I heard it open. John stepped out from the house, he was wearing one of his Burton sweatshirts, with another one of his in his hands. I was so lost in playing by the fire, I guess I hadn't really noticed that it was cold out.

John looked at me, "Hey." He said quietly, clearing his throat before coming over to hand me the jacket, "I thought you might need this. It's getting cool out."

I set Ruby down next to me and took the jacket, "Yeah, thanks." I said, putting it on. I closed my eyes and inhaled John's scent on the jacket. John laughed, his thumb brushing over his bottom lip. "What?" I asked, watching the older.

John shook his head, "No, it's cute. You're cute." He said, moving to sit next to me as I wrapped the over-size hoodie around myself.

I nodded a little. I was going to miss waking up next to him, but, I'd already bought the house.
"Ari," John paused, "Stay, Please."

I shook my head, regretfully looking up at John. "I'm sorry. I can't." I frowned, looking down at my feet a little before looking back up. I couldn't help myself as I threw my arms around John to hug him, "I'll still be here you know, looking after Eli, and while you guys are gone, Sensi and Gwen. So it's not like I'm really leaving, it's more like my stuff is leaving."

John made this noise that wasn't a sigh or a whine but some cross in between, "Yeah, but, you know it won't be the same as waking up to you. You know that." John breathed in deep, his voice soft, "I'm gonna miss snuggling in to you in the morning you know, my arms wrapped all around you, just holding you all close and secure." He paused, "Stay, please."

I was falling apart inside, hardly able to keep it together and keep it calm. Now that he was losing me, he was saying all the right things, well, at least all the things I wanted to hear. He made me think, he was making me second-guess myself and if this was the right choice. He was the John I had moved out here for, the one I had fallen for. But I made my choice and I had to stay with it.

I shook my head, pulling away from John and bit my lip, "I-I'm sorry, I c-can't." My voice shook as I grabbed Ruby and bolted in to the house to finish packing.