Yesterday's Feelings

It was a strange sensation for the first night. To not have John's warmth next to me, not waking up with dreads in my face with sensi and Gwen at my feet. It was definitely unsettling and gulty and every time John called or texted I just put my phone down, trying to ignore him, trying to ignore the words he was sending.

I felt bad. I said we'd be friends but anytime he texted, the responses were only one word responses. I didn't know how to handle how I was feeling adequately. It wasn't that I didn't want to be friends with John, I did, but, I don't think I knew how to be. We had gone so fast from being just friends to dating to me living there. I'd forgotten how to be just his friend.

It was when I moved out, while I was struggling with how I felt about John, that Eric and I seemed to be on the best of terms. He visited me often with Eli when he could. It was strange that I was ignoring John but talking to Eric. I suppose it wasn't that odd, I had done the same around my parents' funeral.

I was also making great friends at work too. I was happier, more content than just relying on Eric and John. It was a night out with coworkers at a bar after work; We were just getting drinks to celebrate a big win at the office when John (and Eric) walked in through the door. I tried to keep calm, I hadn't seen John since I'd moved out, almost two months ago.

My coworker who had nudged me when she followed my eyes, "You should just go talk to them." She said, looking at me as our coworkers carried on their own individual conversations.

I swallowed my mouthfull of beer, "No, I don't think that's a good idea. I mean, I haven't seen John face to face since I left and it's been all one-word text messages." I said, watching them from the other side of the bar. I wondered if they had even seen me sitting here. I mean, really, of all the bars in all these towns, this one?

"I think." She paused, "I think it's a wonderful idea. Maybe he's moving on and he won't be bitter." She said, sipping on her own drink, "Really, it's not like you're living there or you have anything to lose."

I sighed and just seemed to shy away from my coworker. "I know, but it'll be awkward." I muttered.

"It'll only be awkward if you let it." She chided as she nudged me out of the booth we were occupying, "Besides, you're going to have to get up because I have to use the bathroom."

I rolled my eyes as I unwillingly stood to let her out. It was just then that someone waving caught my eye, Eric. He smiled and waved me over. I wasn't sure I wanted John to look but he did anyways as I grabbed my beer and headed around the bar to their table, which by now had grown by a few other people.

"Hey!" Eric said, standing up and greeting me with a large, tight hug.

"Hey.." I said, hugging the older man in return and letting my voice trail off as we pullled apart and I looked around the table, my eyes scanning the other unfamiliar faces first before landing on John's with a small but nervous smile.

"What are you doing here?" Eric asked, looking me over, "Are you on a date?" He asked with an inquisitive tone and look.

I could only laugh and give the other a push, "Pffft, yeah, right." I wasn't but even if I was I wouldn't cop to it in front of John. I was dressed in a black pencil skirt and darker purple top. "No, me and some coworkers are celebrating a big win for the firm."

"Well, that sounds like fun." Eric said, offering his seat, "Here, sit with us, have a drink." He offered, starting to get up from his chair.

I gently put my hand on Eric's shoulder, "I would love to, but, I have to get back to my co-workers. How about I call you later and we can meet up for coffee or something."

Eric smiled, "Sounds like a plan." the older said, his eyes almost seeming to light up at the fact that I had said that in public.

I gave a slight nod, "It was nice to meet all of you. John, it was good to see you." I said, smiling at the older who just nodded as I retreated back to my coworkers.

It had gone over better than expected. No big public blowout. I looked at my coworker as I sat down and she attempted to pry out the details. It was nothing but a quick chat and I tried to shrug off the feeling that I got from John, that he was hurt. I'm not saying he didn't have a right to be; He had every right to be. I just didn't think I was anything special for him to be brooding over.

But, I couldn't exactly lie, I always looked forward to phone calls with Eric and our meeting for coffee or lunch.