Yesterday's Feelings

It should come as no surprise to anyone that Eric wound up proposing in New York. It was a surreal moment, one that I hadn't necessarily been expecting. I suppose I figured we hadn't really been together long. But as Eric told me, on bended knee, that it didn't matter how long we'd been apart or together, at the end of the day, Eli, Dani and myself was all that he needed.

New York and the trip in itself, made me feel like I had never left home. Eric and I met with some old friends and family, sharing the news of our engagement. I visited the cemetary to see my mom and dad. I always thought they'd have been here at a point like this, especially my mom. I saw her helping me and guiding me but.. they weren't and I had to do this all on my own.

After New York, the days passed by in a blur as we settled on a date and attempted to try to plan the wedding. It was tough, being that the season was still happening. Planning a wedding essentially on your own was a daunting and terrifying task. It wasn't easy with John living there either. I never flaunted the engagement in his face but I didn't hide it either. Why should I? We hadn't been together in a while and I couldn't help it if he couldn't move on.

The summer went quickly once Eric came back, and we transitioned. As wedding planning moved along, Eric moved in with Dani and I in town. It was cramped with the three of us there but we had privacy and it was ours. Sure it wasn't as close to the mountain, as Eric had liked. We were all a family, all four of us and while Dani had never taken to Eric like she took to John but, she was starting to come around.

The months continued to fly by and before I knew it, the wedding had arrived. We had chosen the fall— just before the start of the season. Located at Eric's parent's place, it was the perfect venue. It seemed right to have everyone there. It felt right to be there. The lodge itself was a classic and nestled in the California hills. Eric had grown up there and it was beyond breathtaking.

With all our friends and family watching on, Eric and I took our vows and exchanged rings. Dani was the flower girl and Eli was the ring bearer. John was the best man and, despite much of her objections, Rachel was my maid of honor. It was something sort of like a fairytale, somewhere that admittedly, I never thought I would be.

Eric and I headed down the aisle holding our hands to the sound of applause. I couldn't help but look back, looking on at all the well wishers as we headed off towards the lodge to take a few photos. I was happy, I was radiant, I was ecstatic. I never thought, through everything, that Eric and i would be here, that Eric and I would be happy, or well, just be.

Once our candid photos were finally done we headed for the back door to head to the reception. It was there, as we burst through the door, that the reality of it all hit me; Just in time for the DJ echo those words,

"Everyone, I'd like to present to you, for the first time, Mr. and Mrs. Eric Jackson."

I smiled at Eric as he looked out at our friends and family who were situated around tables that were surrounding a dance floor. The sun was just starting to set and the lights that had been strung up to look like stars were just starting to light up as we took our first dance.

If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark