The Rules of Life

The entire day, I sat on the edge of my seat, waiting to be called to the office. I waited for my suspension and expulsion and even extensively planned my runaway if should come down to it. There was no way I was getting stuck here because some dumb bitch didn’t know how to back off. Usually, I didn’t pay attention in class because I didn’t care. It was boring. But today, I couldn’t have paid attention even I wanted to. Every few seconds, I’d glance at the clock, or at the phone, or at the people who kept staring at me. No one spoke to me and when I met their gaze, they looked quickly away. I’d been promoted. No longer was I just the bitch but I was psycho bitch who’d tear your throat out with her teeth. Seriously. That rumor had been circulated. It didn’t matter that April’s throat was clearly intact. I hadn’t even hurt her. Well, not physically. Her shirt had been torn and all day she’d walked around wide-eyed and jumpy.

Maybe I would have felt bad. But she had asked for it. I only felt bad for myself.

Math rolled around and Mr. Hardacker was still pissed off. He didn’t look or talk to me. I was kind of scared to come in after school to make up my test but it needed to be done. I didn’t do homework but I did do tests.

The end of the day came and I still hadn’t been called to the office. I wasn’t sure I was still in the clear but for now, the tension had eased. Maybe Dash had come through for me. It was enough to make me brave going back to math for that test. Mr. H was grading papers and didn’t look up when I walked in. He pointed to the desk in front of him where a white piece of paper sat. I set my stuff down and skimmed over the test. Too easy. It took me ten minutes but I spent more time staring at it.

If only my life was as uncomplicated as these dumb math problems. They should have sent me to anger management instead of therapy. I probably would have got some use out of that.

I spent five more minutes decorating my name at the top of the page, adding curlicues and fancy little doo-dads. I was pretty happy with the end result but I still didn’t really want to leave just yet. Mr. H had done some serious damage control. Dash and Travis could get April not to spill the beans but the rest of the class? Lord no. No one here liked me and I was certain lots of my fellow classmates would want nothing better than to see me kicked out of school. Whatever Mr. Hardacker had told them, it had worked. And I owed him. Again.

“I don’t believe that you’re not done with that yet.” I looked up at the sound of his voice and saw Mr. H watching me. He had raised one eyebrow, as if to say, ‘what’s the hold up?’ I coughed a little and slid out of the desk. He held out his hand and I offered out the paper. “If you wait, I’ll grade it right now.” I nodded. I knew what I would get. 100%. I didn’t get anything less on my math tests.

“You missed one,” Mr. H said.

“What?!” I was appalled.

But he was laughing. “Just kidding,” he said. “A perfect score, as usual.” I glared at him. After a day of being ignored, he was joking about this. Peachy. “If only you applied you intelligence to every aspect of your life, then maybe you’d – ”

“Get into a really good college,” I finished in a monotone. “I know. But no school is going to take me. Not with my ugly track record.” I was surprised at how sad I was at this notion. I’d really never wanted to go to college. More school? No thanks. Besides, my grades were horrid and I had so many black marks that it was impossible to see any good. Not that there was much in the way of good anyway. But the fact that I couldn’t go to college, even if I wanted to, well, that really sucked.

Mr. H stood up and leaned against the front of his desk. I moved back and plopped my ass down on []that desk. “You’re incredibly smart, McKinley,” he told me. I gave him a rueful smile. “I just don’t understand you.”

I shrugged. “Join the club. I don’t understand me,” I said. Our eyes met for a moment and Mr. Hardacker studied me, frowning slightly the way he did when he was solving a math problem. His eyebrows knit together and I kept my face open. I’d had a hard day and I was tired of hiding everything. He didn’t say anything and neither did I but I think this was the moment when I stopped thinking about him as Mr. Hardacker and started thinking about him as Matt. Not my teacher but maybe… maybe my friend.

-

“You have a date?” Paul asked me.

“Yes. Is that concept hard to grasp?” I asked. I hadn’t gone all out for Travis but I wasn’t sloppily dressed. I was wearing clean clothes and had showered. That was more than I could probably hope for from him.

Paul nodded solemnly. “I thought you were, you know, in to girls.”

For the love of God! Did everyone think I was a lesbian? I needed to send out a fucking memo or something. Jesus. “I think that losing my virginity to a boy and, you know, liking it, might be a clue that I’m, oh, I don’t know, into guys?” It wasn’t really true that I’d liked it. Or maybe I had. Most of that night was a blur. For all I knew, Travis could be some sex god but I doubted it. Still, my dear old dad didn’t know that and from the speechless look I’d earned, I’d say I convinced him.

The doorbell rang and I didn’t bother letting Travis meet my dad. This was our only date; he wouldn’t be back. Paul did try to be sneaky and spying on us through the curtain but he was so tall, there was no way he could be sneaky. But Travis was an idiot and he didn’t notice. As I crawled into his two door sports car, I tossed my dad the bird over my shoulder and slammed the door.

“Hey,” Travis said, gently closing his side. “Be nice to the girl.” I rolled my eyes. I never understood how guys could get so attached to their cars. He looked me up and down and I felt like a piece of meat at the butcher shop. “You didn’t go to much trouble tonight, did you?”

“What are you talking about? This is my best outfit!” I was being sarcastic but he didn’t get it. He snorted something and put the car into gear. The music that blasted from the radio wasn’t my cup of tea but it seemed to fit Travis. Rap was never my thing. But I didn’t say anything about the music choice. My plan was to be as compliant as possible but also in a way that tried to eliminate any second date offers. So I’d be on semi-good behavior.

I slid him a glance as we drove. I wanted to ask him about the whole April Tanner thing, if he really had gotten me off the hook. But I didn’t know how to approach the subject and I didn’t like him enough to really put my heart behind my gratitude so I kept quiet and so did he. We listened to music all the way to the restaurant.

It was kind of a fancy place and for a moment, I felt bad that I’d dressed so haphazardly. Travis had dressed nicely, in dark pants and a button down and I was struck by how… well, good he looked. Sometimes I forgot that girls slept with him because of his looks. It was easy to overlook someone’s appearance when their personality left so much to the imagination. But in the dim light of the car and what was left of the sunlight, I was pleasantly surprised with how Travis looked. He was more built than I liked my men but the broadness of his shoulders and the way his shirt outlined the definition of his body was attractive in its own right. I hastily looked away. No need to lust after Travis.

Travis got out before me and opened the door without a word. I nodded my thanks, still puzzled by this development. Was Travis really not so bad? Dash hadn’t been, either. Had I been sorely mistaken? He held the door for me, too, and I noticed he’d ditched bathing in his cologne for a more subtle approach. It smelled nice, sharp and clean.

We didn’t have to wait long for a table but the wait was pretty bad. We didn’t speak at all and I could feel him looking at me a lot. At one point, I wanted to snap at him to knock it off. But I held my tongue. It was the least I could do in payment for looking nice and holding open doors and stuff. We were seated in a booth. The seats were soft and buttery and plush; the best booth seats I’d ever sat in before.

“I talked to April,” Travis said, by way of conversation. “She’s not going to rat.”

“Did you promise her sexual favors in return?” I joked. But Travis didn’t seem to find it funny. He picked up his menu and thumbed through it. I coughed a little to hide my embarrassment. “Sorry that wasn’t a good joke.” No reply. God, he wouldn’t shut up when I wanted him to but he wouldn’t speak up when the silence was deafening. This was going to be a long date if we didn’t find some common ground soon. “Thank you, by the way. For helping me out. If she’d told, well, I would be on my way probably to juvie for assault.” Another joke but this was at my expense so Travis smiled.

The waitress came back and asked us what we wanted to drink. I got an iced tea while Travis ordered lemon water. I raised my eyebrows at him and he shrugged. “It’s not fattening and it tastes good,” he explained.

“It’s not fattening?” I echoed. “Are you a teenage girl by any chance?”

This got a laugh. “No,” he said, “But that would tie in with your whole lesbian thing, wouldn’t it?” He’d actually made a joke. I reluctantly smiled in return. Apparently he could only laugh at others and not himself. But that was okay. I could laugh at myself, opportunity permitted.

Our drinks came but the waitress left before we could place our orders. I sipped my tea and watched Travis take a big gulp of his water, smacking his lips in an over-exaggerated sign of satisfaction. “My mom is always watching her weight,” he said. “So I guess it’s just habit. She won’t buy anything with a lot of carbs or calories.” He shrugged. “I’m used to it but I always veg out after games and at parties.” He paused and waited. Parties, obviously, were a dangerous subject. That’s when I’d gotten addicted. That’s when he’d, in a way, stolen my virginity. I didn’t say anything and neither did he and we both lapsed back into silence.

My tea was already gone when the waitress came back for our orders. I’d stared at the menu so we wouldn’t have to stare silently at each other but I still didn’t know what I wanted. I picked something random and she scribbled it down. Travis ordered some type of pasta and she promised a hasty return with our food. As I handed her my menu, I got sight of someone familiar in the peripheral vision. Matt Hardacker. He was escorting a tiny brunette who was dressed in a black dress and red high heels. She was model pretty and appeared like the delicate flower girls should aspire to be. He held the chair out for her and waited until she was seated before sitting down himself.

Travis picked up on the distraction and looked over his shoulder. “Oh hey,” he said, “it’s Mr. H. That’s weird. I didn’t know he had a girlfriend. Or such a hot one.” He let out a low whistle. “Go Mr. H!”

Yes, go Mr. H… He glanced over, probably just scanning the room but our eyes met and I looked away, feeling guilty for some unknown reason. I squished the feeling down and smiled at Travis, who seemed confused. But he smiled back. Good old Travis.

“I want you to know,” Travis said slowly, “that I’m sorry. About everything that happened.” He looked up from the table now and met my eyes with his brown ones. They were warm and had genuine sincerity in them. I knew he meant it. I wasn’t sure if he really understood the severity of the situation and I wasn’t sure I could really forgive him. The only reason I’d been at that party was because of him. Because he wanted Dash to invite me. Because he wanted to “conquer” me. And he had. But he still kept coming back and I wasn’t sure why.

I didn’t accept his apology but I did ask him a question: “Why me? I mean, April Tanner is more than willing to have sex with you,” I said. “So why me? Is it because no boy, well, besides… you, I guess, has ever climbed this mountain? Do you want to have more bragging rights about being the only one to get in my pants?” By the time I was done, my voice had turned bitter and I’d been glaring at Travis. Again, he got that offended look on his face but this time I didn’t feel bad. I stared him down.

“Is that really how you think of me?!” he snapped. “Because I’m not that bad, you know. Maybe I was but that was years ago, McKinley. Only one of us is still a bitch and it isn’t me.” Well, after that verbal slap in the face, I stood up.

“Excuse me. I need to take a piss.” Then I left the table and went in the opposite direction of the bathrooms and towards the exit. I didn’t stop and Travis didn’t come after me.