The Rules of Life

No one seemed particularly concerned that Mr. H wasn’t at school. But I was terrified. What if he’d quit anyway? Or told Principal Tanner and he’d fired him? The whole idea was scary. I took my seat and stared down at the desk, at my hands. They were nice hands. I mean, they were small, but they were nice. They weren’t all calloused and cracked, but smooth. My nails were a little raggedy from where I’d pulled at hang nails and they were in need of a cut. I’d never been one for biting my nails; it was a gross habit. There was no paint on them and at the moment, I kind of wished there was so I could have something to do besides sit here.

No one sat near me. There was an open desk on either side of me and in front. Two girls were doubling up on one of the front desks, eyeing me warily. Apparently even looking like shit and obviously not up to par with my normal bitchiness was intimidating. Maybe if I couldn’t graduate high school I could at least join the mafia or something. They liked intimidating people, right?

The sub stood up and clapped his hands, a big smile on his middle-aged face. He had a clipboard and went through the names. When he got to mine, I didn’t say anything or raise my hand. He repeated the name. People looked at me and I glared at them. They looked away. He repeated it a third time and was just about to mark my name absent when a squeaky voice piped up, “She’s here, sir.” Everyone turned to look at a small blonde girl sitting in the front corner by the door. She blushed deeply but met their gaze. She even looked back at me. I tried to remember who she was but she was one of those quiet kids and I couldn’t call up her name. I nodded my thanks to her and turned away.

When he finished attendance, the same girl raised her hand. “Yes, Miss… Pillsbury?” Pillsbury? Like the doughboy? I snorted my laughter.

“Where is Mr. Hardacker?” she asked. She reminded me of a mouse, with her squeaky voice and small body. Her blonde hair was in two fluffy pigtails, tied with blue ribbons that matched her blue and white dress. She looked like she was straight out of a Little House on the Prairie book. But I was again grateful for her to ask the question I would never have asked.

“He’s taking a personal day,” the sub told her. Doughgirl nodded and ducked her head. She scribbled furiously with her pen on a few pieces of paper. I turned away again and rested my head on my folded arms.

When the bell rang, I was the first one out. Everyone stared at me in the halls and the whispers were the worst. They weren’t quiet enough so that I wouldn’t hear them but they weren’t loud enough for me to pinpoint where they were coming from. Dating Travis sucked. No one liked me but everyone liked Travis, even the girls he screwed over. So naturally, they all hated me because I’d managed to keep his attention better than they had. And he’d already slept with me, so it wasn’t my rockin’ virginity that he wanted to steal. I was the embodiment of everything those Travis lovin’ girls hated because they wanted it to so badly.

At lunch, I got my first glimpse of a rumor straight from a source. A freshman was talking, rather loudly and carelessly, about how I had gotten pregnant when Travis had hooked up with me from before and I was out having the baby which was why I was gone. The reason Travis was still interested was because he was a good guy and I’d never told him and he wanted my help in tracking down the baby. It was so completely absurd and these dumbass freshman were still in diapers when my whole drug addiction had gone down. So I sauntered over to them, all cool like, and casually slung my arm around the rumor spreader.

She went white so fast it was comical. She looked like I was the devil come to drag her back to hell with me.

“Hello there,” I said cheerfully. “Impregnated slut here. I’d like to correct your story, if you don’t mind.” She stared wide-eyed at me. “I didn’t put my baby up for adoption, nope. I ate her. Like I’m going to eat you if you don’t shut your fucking mouth. Have a lovely day!” She ran off, her friend close on her heels. Let her spread that rumor around, fucking bitch.

Travis came up to me during lunch and sat with me at a table. No one would even sit near me at all. Of course, the fact that I glared at anyone who looked at me probably helped.

“Jesus, Miller,” Travis said, “Wake up on the wrong side of the bed much? Or did the baby you had for breakfast taste bad?”

“So the little bitch did spread that rumor,” I mused, nodding, “Good.”

“What the hell has got your panties in such a twist?” he asked. He munched on a burger, practically finishing it in three bites. Then he shoved handfuls of fries into his mouth. He ate the food so fast I didn’t even understand how he could possibly taste it. He slurped some of his soda and waited for my answer.

I looked at him. “What are you talking about? I’m always like this. Bitch, remember?” I bitterly bit off the end of a French fry. Normally I loved the things but today it tasted like cardboard. I scowled at the soggy piece of potato and tossed it back onto my tray. Travis grabbed my leftovers and started eating those too. It sucked how guys could eat whatever the fuck they wanted and still not get fat.

“Normally you’re a bitch, yeah,” Travis agreed, “but not this big of a bitch. You look like you have it out for anyone who looks at you.” He absently rubbed his jaw where I’d punched him. I didn’t feel bad.

“Maybe they should learn not to look at me then,” I growled. Travis shrugged and ate the rest of my lunch. He tossed both our trays in the trash behind him and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Look, Kin,” Travis said, “You gotta stop being all…” he motioned his hands in my general direction, “whatever the hell you are. You’re not making any friends that way.”

“I don’t want friends.”

“Maybe but you’re making it harder on yourself. If we’re gonna date, then you gotta be, I dunno, somewhat sociable. Otherwise the rumors will fly and you’ll end up getting hurt.” So he really wanted to date me. I couldn’t remember the last time Travis Elton had had a serious girlfriend. Probably never. He was a one-night-stand kind of guy. The fact that he wanted to get serious with me was an anomaly. I didn’t know if I could be in a relationship with Travis since I was starting to feel for my absentee math teacher. But that wasn’t ever going to work out. So maybe my only future was with Travis. What a scary thought.

“I already got hurt,” I reminded him. “I won’t make that mistake again.” Travis looked guilty, another sign that proved he’d really changed. I was saved from saying anything else when the bell rang. Travis walked me to class and kissed me goodbye. It was like we were already dating even though it wasn’t official. From the looks, it might as well have been. But he was right. If we were going to… gulp, date, then I’d have to make nicey-nice with his friends. And I’d have to stop beating people up. Ugh. It wasn’t worth it.

Mr. H wasn’t there in math either and the sub didn’t know jackshit about the subject. He looked everything up on Google. Dumbass. I tuned everything out. I just wanted to go home, crawl under my covers, and cuddle with my cat, the only person in the world who loved me and who I loved back. I wanted my mom. She’d know what to do in this situation. She’d make me cookies or brownies or some treat and we’d curl up in bed and watch cheesy romance movies. I wouldn’t be bitter. Maybe I’d have a few girlfriends. I’d be overjoyed to date to Travis Elton. No one would give me dirty looks. I’d get good grades and be well on my way to college. Mr. H and I would have never gotten to know each other. I never would have kissed him. That was the only part of my fantasy I didn’t like. I didn’t regret that kiss. I didn’t regret getting to know my teacher or asking him to help me. I still wished my mom was here.