The Rules of Life

Travis dropped me off that night, with kisses and promises that his family loved me and that I’d done great. He also promised that we’d continue where we’d left off earlier. It was the one thing I wished he wouldn’t have said. The knot of guilt settled deep inside me and I left, waving behind my back because I couldn’t bear to look at him. I was really making a mess of this.

Paul was waiting for me when I got in. He was sitting on his laptop, looking at something. When I closed the door, he hastily exited out. Ew. Knowing that my dad looked at porn and having to actually see it in action were two different things. The former was gross but the latter was scarring.

“Where were you?” he asked.

“With Travis.” I didn’t feel like playing this game, this Pretending I Care Game. I was tired and confused and I wanted to sleep.

He closed his laptop and set it aside, standing up to his full height. He was getting ready for a lecture. I knew the signs. “You should have called and told me,” Paul informed me.

I rolled my eyes. “Whatever,” I said.

“I mean it, McKinley,” Paul warned. “Next time, I’m going to give you a curfew. The time after that, I’m going to ground you. Do you understand?” I almost laughed. In fact, I think I did. “This isn’t funny, McKinley. I was worried about you.”

This time I know I laughed. “Worried about me? Paul, you don’t give a shit about me.”

He looked almost hurt. “Is that what you think?”

“No, it’s what I know. You sent me to jail, for fuck’s sake. Dads don’t do that. You yell at me, you fuckin’ man-handle me. You don’t take care of me at all! You drove Mom away and you’re the worst father ever! So don’t even try to act like you’re the best.” I was screaming by now, every confused emotion I’d had pent up in my body was being released in the disguise of anger. To my extreme surprise, Paul didn’t say anything back. And I’d said my bit. So I went upstairs and made sure the slam the door behind me.

Soe mewed quietly from the bed. He’d been sleeping but the slam had woken him up. He stretched up and yawned, a big kitten yawn. He licked his lips and crawled towards me, hopping off the bed and winding himself around my legs. I scooped him up and lay down. He purred happily in my arms and I cried.

-

The next day wasn’t any better. In fact, it was worse. I was purposely late to school to avoid Travis, who I’d called and asked not to give me a ride. I’d lied and said that my dad was dropping me off, that he wanted some father-daughter bonding time. If Travis knew me at all, he’d know that I was lying. Matt would know that I was lying.

I waited until Paul left before I started the walk to school. I hadn’t bothered running this morning and I was full of pent up energy. I power-walked to school, missing homeroom, and just in time for first period. I ignored everyone. And during lunch, I took the long way to the library and hid in the very back. No one found me. It didn’t stop my stomach from growling loudly or me from feeling starved. I hadn’t eaten breakfast and my body was paying the price. But I didn’t feel like dealing with Travis or anyone. I didn’t even really feel like dealing with Matt.

But math beckoned and I reluctantly sat down in my seat. He looked at me, concern in his eyes. I didn’t return his look. I was sure I looked awful. I’d forgone a shower this morning so not only was I cranky and hungry, but I felt disgusting, too. Today was just one of those days.

Felicia Beckman, a pretty senior, sat down next to me. “You look like shit,” she informed me. Felicia was technically “popular”, too. Apparently once you’re popular, you’re friends with every other popular person out there. But I didn’t particularly like Felicia. She was mean to underclassman for sport. And what a time to get back at her.

“Am I holding up a mirror? Cause you sound like you’re describing yourself.” It was lame. My comebacks just weren’t what they used to be. But it was enough to make Felicia frown. She was probably contemplating how much trouble she’d be in with Travis, who was her popular superior, if she messed with me. She decided to risk it.

“You already broke the mirror, so I guess I can’t tell,” she replied sweetly. I glared at her.

“Want me to break it over your head? My face didn’t do a very good job. But your big nose could.” It was no secret that Felicia Beckman was self-conscious about her ginormous honker. She would tell anyone and everyone that she was getting a nose job when she graduated. It was a gift from her doting mother. Yeah, cause everyone wants to hear their mom say they need a nose job. Her hand immediately went up to her nose. I curled my hand into a fist. “I’ll save you some money and fix it for you.”

Felicia jumped out her seat and Matt stopped talking. “Miss Beckman,” he said, “Is everything alright?”

“Didn’t mean to interrupt your riveting lecture, Mr. H,” I piped up in my lazy drawl, “Everything’s fine. Right, Felicia?” She looked at me, at my fist, and then at the teacher. Matt knew something was up. Of course he did. He motioned for us to follow him and I sighed as I got up from my chair.

Felicia scurried after him but I took my time. Let them wait.

“How kind of you to finally join us,” Matt said sarcastically when I arrived. I closed the door behind me and shrugged, leaning against the wall. “Now, Felicia, tell me what happened.”

“Nothing!” I insisted.

Matt looked at me and gave me a look. “Is your name Felicia? No. So shut up.” Ouch. Felicia looked kind of stunned. Teachers weren’t supposed to tell students to shut up. Matt looked at Felicia, his face softened. “Now, what happened? I promise not to let Miss Miller hurt you.” Well, fuck you, too.

Felicia looked at me. “She said she’d break my nose,” she said. God, what a baby. This was coming from a girl who tormented freshies for fun. If you can’t take the heat, stay out of the goddamn kitchen.

Matt sighed. “Thank you, Miss Beckman. Please go back inside.” She was eager to obey. Matt looked back at me. “What is your problem?”

“I don’t have a problem,” I said. “Do I look like I have a problem?”

“Obviously, you do. Or you wouldn’t be putting this school’s royalty through the ringer!” Matt stared at me. “What did they do to you, McKinley? Tell me, and maybe I can help you. But this, you can’t keep doing this. You’re going to get expelled.”

Expulsion didn’t sound like such a bad idea. “Good! Fan-fucking-tastic! I won’t have to deal with these dumbass bitches anymore! Especially April Tanner and Felicia Fucking Beckman.” There was real venom in my words.

“After school,” Matt said. “Detention. My room.”

Then he slammed the door behind him as he reentered the classroom. It seemed wherever I went, people were getting mad at me and slamming doors. Even I was getting mad at me and slamming doors. I groaned and flung my fist at the wall. The skin split on contact and I sucked in a breath. But I felt better. The pain was a welcomed distraction. I wiped the blood off on my jeans; how’s that for looking hardcore?