The Rules of Life

My anger hadn’t lessened by the time school ended. People scurried away from me. Felicia had eagerly spread her sob story, over-playing it to make her look like an innocent bystander. I wasn’t sure whether people were in awe of me or just plain scared.

On my way to Matt’s class, to serve my detention time, I ran into Dash.

“If it isn’t the school terrorizer herself,” he said cheerfully. I really wasn’t in the mood. But this was Dash and I couldn’t just blow him off.

I shrugged. “She deserved it,” I said.

Dash nodded his agreement. “You’re right. Felicia Beckman is a little bitch,” he told me, “and you’re on your way to going down in infamous history as the girl who put the popular kids in their place.” What a thing to be known for. Actually, I didn’t mind that. They’d turned me into no-good drug addicted trailer trash. Someone needed to knock them down a few pegs. And who else was going to do it? Everyone in this whole damn school was afraid of Sophia and Travis and Dash. Sophia could ruin your reputation. Travis could ruin your face. Dash could steal your heart and ruin your emotional stability. They were a Trifecta of Terror. Even I couldn’t accomplish what they had.

But I was the only person who’d ever gotten inside. I was in the prime position to ruin Travis. I could potentially take them all down. But there’d be hell to pay. They would make sure that if they went down, I’d go down too.

I smiled at Dash. “Only the ones who deserve it.” I wondered if they were scared that I’d really take them down. Maybe that was why Travis needed the blackmail. I pursed my lips at the thought of Travis playing me. But then an image of his face when he’d dropped me off after I’d met his family… Travis was a dick, yeah, but he wasn’t malicious.

Dash grinned at me. “Good job, comrade,” he said. I was at my stop, though, outside Mr. H’s classroom. I said my goodbye to Dash, who looked sympathetic at my jail time. But he waved and promised to let Travis know that I was serving time and to wait. I almost yelled at him not to bother. After this hell, I didn’t want to meet up with Travis. It would be like pouring salt in the wound. I’d probably rip his head off.

Matt wasn’t in his room when I got there so I took a seat in the back and crossed my arms over my desk, resting my head in the crooks of my elbows. It was dark here, in this small space. My hair made a curtain and my breath made it warm. But it soon got stuffy and I had to adjust myself so that I could easily breathe. Whoever had sat in this desk sometime since its placement into existence had carved their initials into the corner. There were also some sharpied in swear words near the edge. I ran my fingers over the engraving and then the swear words, a loud, black FUCK shining up at me before THE SYSTEM, which followed the fuck.

The door shut and I looked up. Matt looked grim and unhappy. Matt Hardacker was an exceptionally handsome guy. He belonged in a magazine or a movie more than he belonged in this classroom. But today, though still totally attractive, he looked very tired and very worn. He ran his fingers through his hair, messing up more than it already was. I had a feeling he’d been running his fingers through his hair a lot lately.

“McKinley,” he said. I sat up in the chair, crossing my hands over my chest in a defensive position. “Would you like to tell me what’s going on?” He’d asked me a million times and still, I’d never answered him. What made him think this time would be different? Because we’d kissed and shared a moment and had the whole crush thing going on? Well, the answer was still no.

I tilted my head to the side, my blonde hair slipping off my shoulder and hanging loosely. “Nope,” I told him.

Matt sighed. He leaned against the desk in front of me, looking down. I hated being so much lower than he was so I stood up. I was still short but it wasn’t as severe.

“I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s going on,” he pointed out.

“I don’t want your help,” I said.

“Then what do you want, McKinley?!” This he yelled, his voice bouncing off the walls that were decorated with various math posters and inspiration quotes. Those posters were bullshit, the ones offering encouraging words. “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take!” Yeah, but you’re never disappointed. I hated those posters even though they were in every classroom of every teacher who taught any grade. They were practically required to be hung if you were a teacher.

I jumped back, startled, but met him with my own anger. “I want all this shit to be over with!” I yelled back. “Fuck!” I balled my hands into fists. “I have to deal with fucking Travis and that’s confusing as shit and all this school work I have to do or else I won’t graduate and be stuck in this shithole! Then there’s you, who is off-limits so it won’t work and it isn’t working anyway. And my father, who’s finally acting like a goddamn father but I don’t need a father, not anymore, dammit!” I was screaming, flinging my anger onto Matt like I could actually get rid of it.

“Kinley, I want to help you,” Matt said. He reached for my arm but I yanked it away.

“Don’t!” I yelled. “Just don’t.” I met his gaze and I could see the sadness in his eyes. Sadness and… pity. “I don’t need your help or anyone’s help. I can help myself.”

“Talk to me, Kinley, I care about you,” he insisted.

I laughed. I was gone. The deep end had risen and I had jumped right into it. “No you don’t,” I said, “otherwise you’d never have let me tell you I just wanted to be friends!” It was like he was a high schooler. That’s how I was treating him. I wasn’t treating him like my teacher, even though he was. For a moment, I’d forgotten. I shook my head. “Just student/teacher.” I grabbed my stuff off the ground and slammed the door behind me.

More slamming doors, more yelling. That’s all this day had been. And I hated it. I really hated me, too.

Travis appeared at the end of the hallway, leaning against the lockers and talking to April. My heartbeat spiked. Was she telling him? Surely she wouldn’t… But she saw me and smirked. She reached out and ran her hand up Travis’s arm. He pulled away, looking slightly confused. Travis Elton was being faithful. Hell must have fucking froze over.

He turned and saw me, smiling widely. He waved goodbye to April and jogged up to meet me. After the day I had, I was spent. And my anger at Matt, with the whole fight, had left me emotionally raw. I saw Matt out of the corner of my eye. He was coming after me. But I wasn’t in a generous mood and I wanted him to hurt like I did. So I reached up and yanked Travis’s head down, attaching our lips. The squeak of shoes signaled Matt’s retreat and the huff and clack of talons told me that April had left, too. I was digging my hole deeper. Making my bed, whatever. I’d have to suffer the consequences eventually but at that point, I didn’t care.

I didn’t care at all.