The Rules of Life

It hit me when I was walking home. I had no one. My mother left me only to come back for god knows how long and still, she didn’t come back to me. My boyfriend tricked me and fucked me over just like he had before. Who did I have left? Sophia? Now that I wasn’t dating Travis, she’d probably drop me like a hot potato and did I really care? With a sharp exhale, I realized that I did. I scrambled for my phone and dialed Sophia’s number. Please, please pick up. I’ll tell you everything. We’ll be real girl friends who share secrets and all the intimate details of our lives. Please, please.

“McKinley, hey!” Her chipper voice sent a thousand tingles of relief through my body and I almost laughed. I wasn’t alone yet. “Where were you? Everyone, like, freaked out.”

Secrets bring people together, right? Even the bad ones? I took a deep breath. “I was at Mr. Hardacker’s.”

“Uh, why?” she asked, her tone suddenly suspicious. She was judging me before I even told her everything. I realized that I couldn’t tell her what was going on. Not yet. Not over the phone. So I did what I do best: I bullshitted it.

“Oh, I was so high and so drunk,” I told her. My heartbeat faster and I had to sit down on the curb. Whenever something happened that seemed bad, you’d blame it on the alcohol. They’d even made it song about it. The sun was blaring down on me. This would be the last good day of the year and it was sure going out with a bang. The heat had already left me feeling sticky and gross. My outfit was ridiculous. That stupid frilly nightgown. I’d yelled at Travis in that. Christ, the whole house probably thought I was a fucking crazy person. “I guess I just wound up there.”

“Oh,” she said. Someone laughed in the background. It sounded like Dash. It was the muffled kind of laughter that you do when someone’s put the phone on speaker and you don’t want to be heard. “Well, did you enjoy the party?”

I bit my lip. Something was not right. I wrapped my hand not holding the phone around my torso. Just as I was about to answer, a phone went off. “Shit!” That was definitely Dash. It was silenced quickly though and there was just breathing.

“Sorry about that,” Sophia said. “Dash is here.” Yeah, I got that. “Anyways, did you have fun last night?” She didn’t sound chipper anymore. She sounded slightly smug.

It all made sense now. “You spiked the drugs,” I said.

She laughed. “Oh, Kinley, so untrusting.” But I knew I was right.

“Why did you do it?”

Sophia laughed again. But she was cut off. “Soph, be quiet!” There was a loud bang and then Sophia squealed. She sounded like she was running somewhere. Then a door slammed and it was quiet. I repeated my question: “Why did you do it?”

“Kinley, you don’t really think you belong with us, do you? Oh, and by the way, next time you see Travis, ask him what he did Thursday. Actually, ask him who he did.” Then the line went dead. I stared at my phone, wondering if they were okay, and then hoping that they weren’t. Screw them. And then… Travis. He hadn’t spiked the drugs. He probably hadn’t even known they were laced. But I hadn’t cared. I’d ripped him a new one. Which probably wasn’t undeserving, if Sophia’s last words were any clue. But that would have merited a whole different kind of fight, one I wasn’t qualified to give. I’d cheated, too. It still stung a little. Travis had wiggled pretty deeply into my heart and feeling so betrayed by him hurt so badly. I’d been betrayed by everyone. By my mom, by Matt, by Sophia and Dash, by Travis. I had no one left.

Suddenly, there wasn’t any place I’d rather be than at home. So I got up off the curb and ran home. My feet tingled by the time I got there and I was panting from the sprint but I didn’t slow until I was at the door, pounding away. The door flung open, revealing a very annoyed looking Paul. But he saw me and his eyebrows knitted together. “Kinley, Jesus Christ, what’s wrong?” I didn’t realize I’d been crying. I walked right into my dad’s arms for the first time in six years. Paul was rigid at first; he wasn’t a touchy-feely kind of guy in the first place. I hadn’t voluntarily embraced my father since middle school. But then his paternal instinct kicked in and he pulled me close, making up for all the lost hugs.

Out of everyone in my life, Paul was the only constant. We fought all the time. Half of the time, I’d hated him. But Mom had left us. Paul had stayed and even though he sucked at being a dad, he tried. I’d just been so angry that I never noticed.

After a few moments, Paul pulled away. “Kinley, what’s wrong?”

“She—she’s back,” I hiccupped.

“Who?” Paul brushed a piece of my hair away from my face. “Sweetheart, what happened?”

“Mom! She’s back, she’s been here,” I cried. “She’s been with Matt. I mean, with Mr. Hardacker. They’re to—together!” That was all I could get out. Paul’s face hardened but he ushered me inside and sat me down at the table in the kitchen. He gave me a glass of water and sat beside me until I’d calmed down. About halfway through the glass of water, Soe came and jumped up the table. I waited for Paul to yell at him but he didn’t. Soe butted his head against my hands until I picked him up. He purred happily in my arms which only made me more upset. The only two people who cared was my dad, who I mostly just yelled at until today, and a kitten I’d rescued and so he’d had no choice whether to love me or not.

When I stopped crying, Paul made me recount what had happened. I left out the bits about the relationship between Matt and I and the drugs and Travis. But I told him how that the party had gotten out of hand so I went to Matt’s and passed out drunk. When I woke up, Mom was there and I’d yelled at both of them and stormed out. It fit my character so Paul didn’t question it. But he was very unhappy. He pressed his fingers against his temples.

“I loved your mother, Kinley,” he told me. “I was heartbroken when she left. And I’m so sorry that I’ve let our relationship get so bad.” I sipped my water. “We’re just very much alike, you and I, and I’ve never been good at being the grown up. That was always your mom’s bit. But I don’t want you to think that I don’t love you. Because I do, Kinley. You’re my daughter. And even though you’ve made some mistakes, I still love you. I’ll always love you.” This was too much. I started crying again and this time, Dad was crying a little bit, too. He hugged me and I think I said something like “I love you, too, Daddy” but I was crying and my voice was muffled and so I wasn’t sure he heard me. Soe meowed loudly because we were smushing him. I put him back on the table and Dad sat back down.

Soe padded over to Dad and jumped in his lap. I stared at them, the only two people in the world I had left. And even though I felt like shit and I looked like shit and everything in my life was shit, I smiled. Because at least I had those two.