Motion Sickness

I sighed deeply, catching my breath again as I turned on my side, looking over at James, my body ached already. Something was off, James was thinking about something else as he stared intently at the ceiling. "James?" I murmured, pulling him out of his thoughts. He turned to me with an expression that made me feel so insecure and uncomfortable, I jumped up and pulled my clothes on before sitting back down on his bed.

"I...Er...Zoey..." He mumbled, getting dressed as well. "Look, we shouldn't have done that..." He said bluntly, but he wasn't being rude, just honest. I bit my lip hard and pulled my knees to my chest. "I didn't think I was that bad...For my first time." I murmured hugging my knees. His eyes widened to the size of saucers and he whispered a string of profanities under his breath. "You...Were...A...Virgin?" He asked slowly, processing the thought.

By now my cheeks were the color of my hair and I was really embarrassed. He sat next to me, his eyes held guilt and I frowned deeply. "What was this? Just a cheap easy fuck for you?" I asked, my voice wavering as tears threatened. "Your just like him!" I screamed. "You don't care about me, you just wanted sex and you didn't care who the hell it was with!" Tears were falling from my eyes now, my heart was truly broken.

I just gave the most precious thing I had away and there was no way I could ever get it back. I curled up tighter and let myself cry hard into my knees as he sat there, biting his lip. He let me cry for a good five minutes in silence before he spoke up.

"Zoey...This wasn't to hurt you, I swear!" He said genuinely and I actually believed him. He put his hand on my back and let out a breath. "I...Well...You see..." He hesitated at first before taking in a large breath.

"IkindasortahaveahugecrushonRylandandIwantedtohavesexwithhimsoIconvincedmyself
ifIsleptwithsomeoneelsethosefeelingswouldallgoaway!"

He said in one long run on sentence. I looked up at him with confused eyes. "Mind explaining that in English?"

He sighed and looked at me. "I don't know why I'm telling you this, but...I kind of have a crush on Ryland, I figured if I slept with someone else, a hot girl...You...My feelings would go away, but they didn't, I pretended you were him and I feel like a worthless piece of shit for taking your virginity." He murmured, closing his eyes.

My eyes nearly bulged out of my head. "Your...Gay?" I asked with raised eye brows. "That's all you got out of what I just told you?" He asked frustrated and I sighed.

"No..." I whispered, laying back on his bed, still hurt, but I was sympathetic for James. "So, you tried to ignore your feelings and slept with me? But it meant absolutely nothing to you?" I asked and he nodded, taking my hand in his.

"I'm sorry Zoey, I just...I...I want him so bad it hurts." He whispered. "But you have to keep your mouth shut! You can't tell anyone! Not even your little Mark friend, if Ryland finds out I like him...and I fucked you... hell would break loose." He said with pleading eyes.

I frowned deeply and stared up at him. "Why the fuck would that asshole care if we slept together?" I snapped and he ignored the question, going into another topic.

"We've been so close ever since we were kids..." He trailed off, telling story after story of his childhood with my asshole of a neighbor, but I zoned out, my mind going crazy, I had always thought I would lose it to Mark.

About an hour later, he sighed deeply. "Come on, let me take you home, school let out about twenty minutes ago." He murmured and I followed him silently to his car. He might have said I couldn't tell anyone, even Mark...But he never said anything about Sara and she came home last night.

The car ride was awkward and it took forever to get to my house, but finally he pulled into my driveway. He apologized to me once again, asked me to keep my lips sealed about everything and I just simply nodded. I got out of the car and shut the door, I was halfway up the steps when I heard an angry familiar voice shout. "What the fuck man?"

I laughed a little to myself, James had got himself into this mess and now he had to deal with Ryland. I ran up to my room and laid on my bed, of course my parents we out on business, which was nice. I pulled out my phone and texted Sara. Sleep over tonight! My rents are out of town and I need someone to talk to...And it can't be Mark.