Motion Sickness

Why did god give me a conscience? Was it necessary? Did I need it to survive? No.
So why did I do that? Give her a ride when I couldn’t stand her?

If you think about it, a conscience is only there for the purpose of distinguishing right from wrong and that separation of the two was, to me, useless. That’s why I felt like god had a twisted sense of humor for making me to self destruct.

The part of me that didn’t care could still try to fight the human part of me that screamed it might have been my fault.

I didn’t know what was fucking scarier. That I honestly didn’t give if I hurt anyone or that I actually did when she made that dumbass comment about fat and shit.

I closed my eyes and breathed through my nose convinced I was either over reacting, over thinking or just losing my mind. It didn’t ever occur to me that any of it might have been normal.

I walked down the stairs like that; with a mission to stay upright and not fall. The feeling was all too familiar. It was one I felt when I was younger, and naïve.

I stepped out and narrowed my eyes at the house next door as if inanimate objects care if you glare at them or not. This would be the first time I went over to her house.

Yeah, I know. She’s lived next door for 7 years; you’d think I would have gone inside at least once.

It was significantly smaller than mine and I completely hated the fucking thing considering it was standing there defying all fucking logic. It was puke green, and very unattractive.

I knocked and quickly stuffed my hands into my pockets. Zoey opened the door, not in the least bit excited to see me.

She had changed into pajama pants and an oversized t-shirt. She moved to the side to let me in but didn’t say a word which pissed me off because she invited me. I didn’t have to fucking come.

Her house wasn’t as bad on the inside. It was cozy, and that’s a lot more than I expected. I took off my shoes and followed her to the living room where she had the books laid out.

I groaned. Honestly, I did not need the grade for that stupid project. Why? Because I had like an A++ in the class. I’m a fucking genius but don’t really care to work hard.

“This is ridiculous.” I commented to myself.

Without even bothering to pick up a book, I went over to her couch and made myself comfortable. I propped my feet up over the edge. It was a single person leather couch. My kind of couch. I smirked at Zoey which was a force of habit at that point.

She rolled her eyes and threw a book in my direction. I caught it in an odd angle but it didn’t hit my face so I felt oddly accomplished.

I ignored how she probably wanted it to hit me and opened it at random to start reading shit on math and its awesomeness. The sarcasm is actually too much for me to take.

“Soooooooooooo, what’s the purpose of this project anyway?” I asked trying to make things more interesting.

“Mathematicians, why they rely on math and why we think math is important.”

“Easy, math isn’t important, they were idiots.” I smiled and tossed the book onto the floor while simultaneously taking out my cell phone.

I had like a bajillion texts. I opened the first from someone who apparently wasn’t named. Random creepers always texted but hey, it was this one’s lucky day because I never was going to reply.

-who is this?-

“Are you even listening to me?!”

I looked up to see Zoey fuming. I hadn’t heard a word she had said. I hadn’t even realized she was talking. I find that pretty impressive.

“Huh?” I raised an eyebrow questioningly.

I enjoyed her anger. How was it such a small person was full of so much hate? I smirked when she looked away with frustration.

My phone vibrated which made me completely forget her anger.

-Tay. you deleted me from your contacts??????-

I chuckled to myself. Ew, of course I deleted you, bitch. God, I hated her and it was just way too weird to see she had texted.

-sort of busy. can’t talk.-

I placed my cell onto my lap and watched Zoey read for a second. Her hair surrounded her face in a red curtain.

“Let’s go out. I’m hungry.” I said remembering I had skipped lunch.

Zoey kept her head down and shook it in response. “I’d rather not.”
I shrugged and decidedly stood up. She could suit herself.

“Let me know when you’re done with this.” I said gesturing at the ground and the mess of books scattering the ground.

It was clear that she was peeved but she didn’t argue and watched me leave. I felt her eyes follow me out.